I don’t want you to feel comfortable about being a bigot
I wrote a radio play for Vaudevilification Tennis and because the show took place during Pride, I decided to include a “public service announcement” against the gay marriage ban. My opinion on the issue should be clear but I saw a good opportunity for some comedy that also made a statement that is important to me.
When it came time to put that script in the CONvergence show, I initially balked at the idea of including the public service announcement because I felt that CONvergence is not a political convention and the announcement might be out of place.
Two things changed my mind.
First, the announcement is damned funny. By disguising it as a message supporting the amendment, it takes a little time for the audience to figure out what is going on. When they do, I think the punchline (“Vote Yes in November Because You’re a Fucking Douchebag”) plays even better because some of the audience actually thought we were speaking in support at first. The joke worked and it worked well. Why should I dump a good joke?
Second, it occurred to me that I didn’t give a shit if the announcement made people uncomfortable or angry.
At the Bryant Lake Bowl show, I had no concerns at all. I was in the middle of uptown during pride weekend. If there was anyone in my audience who disagreed, they weren’t going to make themselves known.
At CONvergence, with an audience of almost 800, the odds of finding someone in our audience who was genuinely offended because I called them a fucking douchebag was much higher. Our goal is to be offensive but not to genuinely offend (if that makes any sense at all).
What occurred to me, though, is that I didn’t care. I’m not going to apologize if someone was made to feel uncomfortable when I told them I think people who are going to vote “yes” are fucking douchebags.
Because bigots and homophobes should not be allowed to feel comfortable. I’ve seen lots of justifications for voting “yes” in November but they all come down to one immutable fact: people who will vote to limit the rights of a minority group because those rights make them uncomfortable are fucking douchebags.
NO, I don’t want to redefine your marriage at all. I want to allow other to enjoy the same rights and protections that you do while, at the same time, doing absofuckinglutely nothing to your marriage.
NO, your religious perspective isn’t relevant. You don’t get to use your religion as a basis to tell other people how they want to live their lives. You genuinely believe that they are going to hell because they are gay? Let them have some genuine happiness in this life before god fucks them over in the next.
NO, marriage has not always been defined as “between one man and one woman.” Even if it was, black people were once defined as three fifths of a person. The way it has “always” been is not the way it should be now. If that was the case, there are a lot of things that were “tradition” that we should bring back. The Mayans made human sacrifices for a long time.
There is not a single argument that makes sense or absolves someone. The only argument I’ve heard that doesn’t make someone sound like a Christian zealot goes something like this (and yes – I’m paraphrasing):
I’m a libertarian and I don’t think that marriage should be a public institution at all so I’m going to vote yes because I would vote yes if a similar ballot measure came up for straight people.
Hey, good for you. You’re a douchebag.
I’m not happy that you are sticking to your principles because your reasoning is bullshit. Do you think that there will ever be a time where marriage is not given certain public rights? Try to find a politician (who can get elected) who would propose such a thing. Try to find a bunch of others who would support it.
Marriage is a matter of public policy and it will always be so. If you vote for the amendment because “nobody should have those rights,” all you have managed to do is ensure some people will always have those rights and other people won’t.
Congratulations, you fucked over homosexuals because you were incapable of applying logic.
So it comes down to this: I left the public service announcement in because if I shamed someone who is thinking of voting yes, I’m good with that. They should be ashamed of themselves.