Shit that Pissed me off This Week – 11/30
To be fair, I’m expecting most people in Kentucky believe this anyway. Forcing the dept of Homeland Security to post a plaque acknowledging the contributions of God really feel like a violation of church and state, though, doesn’t it? The Kentucky courts, for some reason, don’t actually see it that way.
Actually, the Kentucky supreme court has refused to hear challenges to the law so it becomes difficult to determine exactly how the courts see it.
But let’s be clear here, if god is responsible for protecting us from terrorism, we have put our faith in the wrong guy. I don’t know if anyone else was paying attention on Sept 11th, 2001 but I didn’t see a big divine hand inserting itself between those airplanes and those buildings.
Passing a law saying god will protect us from terrorism after god has already failed to do so is like hiring a guy to stop people from shoplifting at Wal-Mart after you watched a video in which he was ignoring his friends who were shoplifting at Wal-mart.
Caveat: this article is from Fox News so we all know that we are starting from a slightly biased perspective.
This commentator misinterprets a survey to say that fewer men want to get married these days and the reason is because women aren’t women any more.
Hold on, what happened? Have today’s women ceased to have vaginas? Are they suddenly casting off their extra X Chromosome and deciding to go with a Y just to see what it’s like? Are they forcing men to bear children?
Nah. Ladies are just standing up for themselves rather than allowing guys to be – you know – guys. Read on:
the so-called rise of women has not threatened men. It has pissed them off. It has also undermined their ability to become self-sufficient in the hopes of someday supporting a family. Men want to love women, not compete with them. They want to provide for and protect their families – it’s in their DNA. But modern women won’t let them.
Hear that ladies? When you go out and get a job and try to speak up for yourselves, you are just pissing guys off. Why won’t you let them do what their DNA demands and surrender to their masculinity?
So what if there is nothing sexier than a woman who is being who she wants to be instead of a woman who is being who guys want her to be? That apparently pisses guys off so please ladies, stop it right now. It’s about time you realized we guys know what you want way more than you do.
It’s in our DNA.
Oh and hey – the lady who wrote this article about how you women are ruining marriage? Totally divorced.
Ha ha! No. That didn’t happen.
Actually, guys responded with comments like this:
You know, I always wonder why women can’t do anything but bitch and moan.
Really pal? You always wonder about that?
While your basic assumption about women is incorrect (most of them spend very little time bitching and moaning and a whole lot of time just dealing with assholes like you), you sure do seem to spend a lot of time dwelling on it.
You must have a lot of really bad relationships in your past or, more likely, none at all. Instead of asking yourself how you could make yourself more desirable to the opposite sex, you have decided that the problem is clearly them. All of them.
So you decided to bitch and moan about it on the internet. Which, you have to admit, is a little bit ironic.
This story is so filled with stupid, it makes me sick. Two teenagers were breaking and entering. That we know to be true.
We also know they are both dead because the homeowner laid in wait for them and then shot them multiple times to ensure they were dead. One of them was still alive so he pulled out a pistol and delivered a coup de grace.
And, as in every situation like this, we get some gun opponents crying that guns are to blame and some gun proponents applauding this guy for exercising his constitutional right. Never mind that the right is all about having guns and it does not in any way cover how you use them.
You have a right to protect your home. You don’t have the right to administer a kill shot on an unarmed and helpless intruder.
Every single person I know who thinks what this guy did is justified is wrong. To say otherwise implies that the death penalty is an appropriate punishment for every criminal act. This may come as a surprise to you but the zombie apocalypse is not happening yet. There was no need for this guy to practice on real people.
So the end result is two stupid kids are dead and one stupid adult is going to jail.
And all we can talk about is gun rights. As if that is the root of the problem.
You know, because taking a stand against one religion being represented on public land is exactly the same as strapping a bomb to your chest and blowing up a school bus.
If I thought the guy was deliberately using hyperbole to emphasize his point, I’d cut him a little slack. But he isn’t. He’s using the word “terrorist” to mean “anyone who wants something that I don’t want.”
In that case, my kids are terrorists because they don’t want to eat their vegetables, my wife is a terrorist because she wants me to clean up the kitchen and Michael Bay is a terrorist because he keeps making Transformers movies.
Because what is actually going to happen is nothing.
What is currently happening is a bunch of kids are scared out of their wits that they won’t live to see Christmas. Kids that are so scared, they are writing folks at NASA to help allay their fears. And NASA scientists are holding briefings to tell people that none of the stuff they think will happen is actually going to happen.
The lesson here is that imagined disasters can cause real harm.
The other lesson is the worst way to get kids on your side about anything is to tell them that they won’t live to see Christmas.
Hardly Anyone Came to Power Point Karaoke This Week
OK, guys, I don’t know how to convince anyone that staying up past their bedtime on a Thursday night to watch this show is so totally worth it.
The structure of this show is such a slam dunk hit, you could put a completely boring person (like Jay Leno) on the stage and they would be funny by accident.
But they don’t get boring people. They get some of the funniest people in the Twin Cities comedy community. You know why?
Because doing PowerPoint Karaoke is a complete blast!
And tickets are only $7.00! $5.00 if you have a Fringe button!
If you live in the Twin Cities and you aren’t going to PowerPoint Karaoke, it is because you are dead inside. I hate to break it to you that way but I don’t believe in sugar-coating things. Put this show on your bucket list. And then go watch it so you can cross it off.
Then put “watch PowerPoint Karaoke again” on your bucket list.
Blah blah blah class warfare blah.
Here’s the deal. The top exec for Hostess is making $125,00 a month to preside over a company that is failing. While we would all love to make that much money for failing to do our jobs, most of us don’t have that luxury.
Other execs will be in line to earn hundreds of thousands of dollars if they do a good job. In the meantime, thousands of line employees – you know, the people who actually make the Ho-Hos – are out of a job and have lost their pensions.
So remember this, all my fellow believers in the American dream, the further removed you are from actually making the thing that people want, the more insulated you are from failure.
And wouldn’t you rather be a rich failure?
God bless America!