Shit that Pissed me off this Week – 1/11

 Christian Football Fans Decide a Super Bowl ad Featuring a Gay Actor is Offensive

Uh….what????

The ad in question features Neil Patrick Harris, who is openly gay, sporting the date of the Super Bowl in eye black.  Like this:

GAY AGENDA!!!!

That’s pretty awful, right?  Christians should be pissed off because….um….Tim Tebow used to have bible verses in his eye black and since Neil Patrick Harris is gay it is the liberal media just waving their anti-Christian bigotry in the faces of every Christian in the nation…?

No.  That’d be stupid, wouldn’t it?

Well yes, it would be stupid.  That’s exactly the problem they have with it, though.  Harris is throwing his gay agenda all over the Super Bowl! In the most Christian of all sports – football!

Never mind that Jesus Christ would go down with multiple broken bones in the first play from scrimmage.  That scrawny little guy wouldn’t last a second.  Besides, if you turn the other cheek, the opposing team is just going to strike that one too.

Hey Christians: I don’t know why I have to keep reminding you of this but you are the majority! By a lot!  Even if this is, somehow, an anti-Christian thing (which it isn’t), you can take it.  There’s still a prayer circle after every football game and every gay football player is still safely in the closet.

A Bunch of Christians Complain that they should have the Right to do Something they already have the Right to do

Praying in schools is, of course, illegal.  And Christians are pretty riled up about that.

Wait…I have to back up to that first sentence because I’m completely wrong.  You totally can pray in schools.  You just can’t have school sponsored prayer.

So when a bunch of Christians decided to protest the fact that they didn’t have the right to pray in schools, they were informed that not only were they wrong, the school in question actually had a dedicated moment of silence every morning.  During that time students could pray, mediate or finish their homework.  Christian kids could totally engage in prayer.

Being informed that their protest was dead wrong, they stopped just short of a mea culpa.  The protesters went home but made sure everyone knew they would be monitoring the situation.

I’m not sure what that means.  I guess it means that they would check in on the schools moment of silence every now and again to make sure everyone was being silent.  Or maybe it just meant that they didn’t want to admit that they were a bunch of idiots who didn’t understand the difference between allowing children to pray on their own time versus being allowed to pray on the school’s time.

The Vikings have a Remarkable Season and all Vikings fans can do is Complain

As a sports fan, sports fans just amaze me.  Nobody expected the Vikings to do shit this year.  They were picked to finish last in their division and to be one of the worst teams in the league.  Instead, they made the playoffs and quite possibly have the league MVP in Adrian Peterson.

You could be a Cleveland Browns fan! Their teams always suck and their helmets are orange. They aren’t even Brown! They’re Orange!

Sure, their quarterback situation isn’t the greatest, they need some talented receivers and their defense is still just OK.  The odds are they will slide a bit next year.

And yeah, they got manhandled by the Packers in the playoffs.  In Lambeau.  Playing a back up quarterback.  Who had taken three snaps all year. Against a playoff hardened team that won the Super Bowl two years ago.

And a great season just went all to hell as Vikings fans decried their horrible team and bemoaned what sounded like a wasted season.  Holy crap guys, what were we expecting?  A Super Bowl victory or something?  These are the Vikings we are talking about.  They don’t do that sort of thing.

Pastor Mark Driscoll Says that it is OK to have a Brain so long as you don’t use it

Specifically, Driscoll tweeted the following:

God did not give us a mind so that we could use it to deny or question his existence.

OK, so god gave us a mind to…what?  To just mindlessly worship him?  Why give us free will if he didn’t like some of the conclusions we were going to come up with?

It’s a stupid thing to say.  It celebrates ignorance over intelligence and seems deny the very nature of human beings.  Also, as frequently happens, it sets god up to be a major league dick.  I don’t understand this pathological need to believe in a god who is such an asshole.

Asshole Blames the Fact that He’s Cheap on Higher Taxes

I admit I’m not positive this is real.  I mean, I’m sure that there are jerks like this around.  I’m just not sure that this particular article is about something that really happened.

Look, I get that nobody wants to pay more taxes.  However, if you are earning over $400,000 a year, you can still afford to tip your server.  If you really can’t afford that, then you have bigger problems than a tax increase.

You should, for one, stop eating out at expensive restaurants if you can’t afford to pay a gratuity.

Stop driving this and you could afford tips based on gas savings alone.

Thing is, this person probably doesn’t like tipping servers when he isn’t paying extra taxes.  They have just found a convenient excuse for their behavior.

While I think a tip is important, it is a choice.  Hence, if you choose not to leave a tip because you are a cheap fuck, how about leaving a card that says that?  Are you worried you’ll look like more of a dick?

A Couple of Guys in Cameroon were Aquitted because they only Looked Gay

With all the problems we have legalizing gay marriage in America, we need to realize that on a global scale, homosexuals in America have it pretty good.  In Cameroon, you can spend six months to five years in jail if you are convicted of a homosexual act.

I want to know this, though, are Conservative Christians in America supportive of this kind of law?  Is it not enough to prevent gays from marrying?  Would it be better if we tossed them in jail for holding hands in public?  Or kissing?

The fact that this story is presented as a positive story ignores the fact that these guys were arrested at all.

Do you want to know what the gay agenda is?  They just want the ability to live their lives.  Pretty fucking insidious, isn’t it?

No Director Nomination for Argo

The Oscars are hardly a perfect measure of movie greatness and yet they really want to be exactly that.

And yet, they somehow completely failed to recognize Ben Affleck as one of the best young directors in Hollywood.  Instead, they gave a nomination to David O. Russel for Silver Linings Playbook, a movie that I like but that doesn’t have the staying power Argo will have.

Affleck will get his nomination for something else but until then, what has he got?

Right now he’s just married to Jennifer Garner, one of the most sought after actors and directors in Hollywood, he’s pretty damned good-looking and the reigning Entertainment Weekly Entertainer of the year.

Also, he already has an Oscar and his best friend is Matt Damon

When will the guy get a break?  Are we going to hold Daredevil against him forever????

We remember, Ben. We remember.

Michele Bachmann is on the Intelligence Committee. Again.

Dear Republican party: I know she keeps getting elected.  Those of us in all other Minnesota Congressional districts apologize for that.

But you know she’s kind of a loon, right?  You know that she spouts off conspiracy theories that are easily disproven with the information she gets as a member of the Intelligence Committee, right?

Why do you coddle her?  I mean, aside from all the money she raises from the right-wing nutjob wing of your party?

Oh…I think I just figured it out.

The Gun Lobby is LYING TO US

OK, nobody is surprised that the gun lobby is lying to us.  At least nobody reading this blog is surprised by that.

If you click-through to the article, though, try to read some of the comments.  After a well written article completely obliterating the idea that Hitler banned guns in Germany (unless you were a Jew – you may have heard Hitler was kind of a dick to the Jews), people start commenting on all the other stuff Hitler did.  On a website where they do nothing but fact check such claims.

Claims that were, of course, completely bogus.

For this kind of person, though, facts are no obstacle to a strongly held belief.  If the facts don’t agree, just make up new ones!  No need to document your facts because most people aren’t going to check them anyway!  Then they will use you as a source and suddenly, you’re an expert!

With that in mind, I need to publicly state that Hitler loved pizza.  Anyone who loves pizza clearly hates Jews.

Hitler also banned gardening! And astrolabes! And pre-packaged luncheon meats!

You can trust me.  I’m an expert!

Anti-Vaxxer writes a Kids’ Book to Show how Great Measles are

The book is called “Melanie’s Marvelous Measles” and the goal is – I guess – to introduce kids to the wonderful world of preventable disease!  Melanie’s parents decided not to vaccinate her and now she has the measles! Isn’t that cool?

You know what would be more cool? If Melanie got polio! Then she could be crippled just like FDR!

Or she could get the Smallpox!  How cool would that be? Hardly anyone has had smallpox in years!  The other kids would be soooo jealous!

Look, I believe that huge multi-national corporations are evil just as much as the next liberal guy.  But no matter how evil the companies themselves are, vaccinations are actually a good thing.

Getting the measles is potentially deadly.  Doesn’t seem to be the sort of thing that kids should be calling “marvelous.”  I’m going to write a book called “Melanie’s parents are kooks.”

Teacher Sues School District Because they Told her To Take down Christian Posters

So a Christian once again feels she is being persecuted because she is a public school teacher and she’s being told to keep her religion out of the classroom.

Now I guarantee you if she was a muslim or an atheist who was espousing her opinions, nobody would object to the request.  But she isn’t.  She’s a Christian and she feels that she is entitled to special rights other people are not.

So much so that she is going to cost the school district time and money in a court case she can’t possibly win.

It would seem to me that the far more reasonable thing to do would be to try to get a job in a private school where she can post whatever she wants on her walls.

Oh, one more thing.  She’s a science teacher.

I wonder what she is saying when has to talk about evolution?

OK, kids, note the lack of transitional forms

Christians and Men’s Rights Advocates have something in common – they both fail to understand there is no such thing as a persecuted majority.

Boy – if I can’t score some hate mail off of that last sentence, I just don’t know what to do….

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About Petsnakereggie

Geek, movie buff, dad, musician, comedian, atheist, liberal and writer. I also really like Taco flavored Doritos.

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