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Shit that Didn’t Piss me Off – 9/18

Apologies to regular fans of my Friday blog.  I’m going to do things a little differently today.

I’ve been writing Shit that Pissed me off most Fridays for the last three years.  I enjoy it as an exercise in writing humor and in exploring my opinions about what is happening in the world around me.  Since I’ve started writing the column, it has never coincided with my birthday.

Well this year, it has.

So I decided instead of spending my birthday thinking about stuff that annoys me, I’m going to write about things that make me happy.  I’ll post this week’s shit that pissed me off on Monday. Because even on my birthday, there are things that piss me off.

I begin my 48th year today and in honor of that, here are 48 things that make me happy.

1.  I’ve been married to the same amazing woman for the last 25 1/2 years.  She is brilliant, courageous, thoughtful, sexy, and supportive.  She laughs at some of my jokes.  She listens when I’m in a bad mood.  She corrects me when I’m wrong.  There is not a night that goes by where I am not happy we share a bed, a home, and a life.

2. I’ve got one fantastic mother.  She loves math and has spent her life finding ways to help others love it too. She loves being an amateur artist.  She is a fun travel companion.  Any day I know I’m going to see her is automatically a good day.

3. My oldest son is great.  He’s clever, cheerful, fun, and affectionate.  He grew several inches in the last year and is starting to show signs of facial hair.  Pretty soon, he’s going to learn how to drive and get a job and start looking at colleges.  I’m not sure I’m ready for any of that.

4. My youngest son is wonderfully creative.  The way he builds new Lego structures and describes ideas for new games or parks or dinosaurs shows boundless inventiveness.  His head must be such an interesting place to live.

5. My Brother is full of passion and energy.  He has been remarkably successful in not just the field he has chosen to pursue, but most anything he decides to accomplish.  We have a great relationship hampered only by the distance that separates us.

6. My Sister-in-law has a sharp sense of humor, an infectious positive attitude, and seems like a perfect partner for my brother.

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Shit That Pissed Me Off – 11/14

I Know Who Julian Blanc Is

I didn’t know who this guy was until I clicked the wrong link.  Now I know all about him.

I would hope you don’t need to be a feminist to think he’s a complete sleaze bag who deserves to be maced on a regular basis.  He makes money holding seminars telling guys how to be awful to their partners.  He doesn’t respect women and he also doesn’t respect men because he thinks guys are supposed to treat women like shit because they are women.

Just look at her sitting there being a woman!  How dare she?

Just look at her sitting there being a woman! How dare she?

Thing is, he may not even be the asshole he pretends to be.  He just says this stuff to get lonely suckers to come to his seminars.

Then you have the guys who pay money because they want to be like the person he pretends to be.  You have to be a pretty awful human being for this kind of thing to be worth your time.

Holy shit guys, it isn’t that hard.  You want women to like you?  Be fucking nice to them.  And don’t get angry if they don’t want to have sex with you because that isn’t what they are there for.

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Shit that Pissed me off – 10/3

All this Hatred of the Common Core

The particular article I linked to calls it “Obama’s Common Core” even though the President had nothing to do with it.  However, if you are conservative and don’t like something in government, you need to blame it on Obama.

Common core mathematics actually tries to teach kids how to do math the same way we already do it in our heads.  As has been explained every time someone new complains about Common Core.

Suddenly, the whole thing has become a liberal vs. conservative thing.  Look at how these liberals are messing up education with their weird math stuff!

Look at all these liberal numbers!  Screw diversity!  We are in a post racial numbers society!

Look at all these liberal numbers! Screw diversity! We are in a post-racial-numbers society!

Common core is a tool kids can use to learn math.  Any good teacher will tell you that it is not the only tool and the more tools we give kids, the better the odds will be that they can learn.

Common core isn’t turning your kids into Democrats!  Obama doesn’t want your kids to be bad at math.

He just wants them to commit voter fraud!  They don’t teach that in Math class.

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Shit that Pissed Me Off – 8/22

Canadian School Board Candidate Wants Creationism Taught in Schools

Her picture looks adorable.  I’m sure she’s twenty.  Maybe.

She is firmly of the opinion that they should teach the controversy (that doesn’t exist).  She also says that schools should focus on the “basics” of education.

Like evolution, right?

No no no no no no no no!

Well, she thinks it should be taught in science classrooms alongside creationism.  She also thinks sex education should be abstinence only because that is also “basic.”

As basic as Abstinence-Bible-Contraceptives are tools of the Devil!

As basic as Abstinence-Bible-Contraceptives are tools of the Devil!

Is this barely not-teenager going to be elected? I doubt it.

And yet I’m tired of living in a world where people continue to believe that creationism should be given the same amount of time in the classroom.  And I’m tired of living in a world where we continue to argue about abstinence-only sex education when the evidence clearly shows it is inadequate.

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Shit That Pissed Me Off – 2/14

Disney Star Gets Death Threats Because Her Show Featured Lesbians

The star in question, Mia Talerico, is five years old.

Her show featured a play date in which her friend had two moms.  You know, a healthy happy lesbian couple.  Just the sort of thing that causes the bile to rise in the average Christian Right household.

Yeah. This sort of thing is really threatening.

So what’s the Christian thing to do?

Not being a Christian, I’m a bit uncertain.  Can someone tell me if threatening the life of a five-year old girl is the Christian thing to do?

And can someone tell me how this kind of behavior comes even close to hating the sin and loving the sinner?

Also a memo to “One Million  Moms” – you currently have only 60,000+ “likes” on Facebook.  You could increase that number twice as fast if only you allowed lesbian moms!

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Shit That Pissed Me Off – 2/7

Coke Super Bowl Ad Creates Unsurprising Freak Out

The ad was supposed to be patriotic.  It started with “America the Beautiful” in English and then transitioned to the song being sung in other languages.

Now the concept (I think) was to show how people from other countries immigrate (legally) to America to pursue a dream of freedom and blah blah blah America is awesome.  Fortunately, the internet is filled with people who wanted to prove to Coke that America is not, in fact awesome.

They objected to the whole idea that an American song could be sung in any language other than American!  How dare Coke suggest such a thing?

Is the word “Coke” even English?

They also freaked out about the fact that the commercial featured an openly gay couple prominently displayed in a song written by a lesbian.

The saddest commentary to me is the fact that when we watched the commercial at our Super Bowl party, we predicted the response.  And no, that doesn’t make us psychic.  Predicting stupidity requires no special skills.

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Shit that Pissed me Off – 1/3

Teen Makes a Joke on Twitter and People Tell her She Should Kill Herself

So here’s the joke:

This beautiful earth is now officially 2014 years old, amazing

Now shame on her, I guess, for failing to clearly identify her post as sarcasm.  I mean she’s only a teenager so it could naturally be assumed that she wasn’t making a joke but was, rather, a complete idiot.

Her joke went viral and when jokes go viral on the internet, two things happen.  The first is that a lot of people are amused by the joke.  The second is that a lot of other people will completely fail to get her joke and reveal themselves to be complete assholes.

If this was a real book, it would eventually outsell the bible. Ironically, nobody who bought it would read it because they would assume they already knew it all.

The internet, my friends, is the most Democratic place in the world.  You want free speech?  You can make a joke that reaches thousands of people.

Be warned, however, that some of those people are idiotic.  And the idiotic ones are the most likely to say something.

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