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Shit that Pissed me off – 10/23

Another Hearing about Benghazi

In spite of the fact it has been publicly stated that these hearings are nothing more than an attempt to discredit Hilary Clinton as a presidential candidate, the Senate held more hearings about Benghazi this week.  In what should come as no surprise, the committee spent considerable time discussing Clinton’s e-mails even after claiming they wouldn’t.

The saber rattling by the right about Benghazi is embarrassing.  It is done.  We are done.

The public doesn’t fucking care.

I mean, that isn’t true.  The far right cares and can’t get enough.  They think somewhere there is a smoking gun.  Ignoring, of course, the fact that the one body completely unqualified to find a smoking gun is the United States Congress.

The US Congress even concluded J. Harvey Oswald acted alone. I mean, they were right. But that isn't the point.

The US Congress even concluded Lee Harvey Oswald wald acted alone. I mean, they were right. But that isn’t the point.

If you would like to beat Hilary Clinton (or Bernie Sanders), oh Republican establishment, can I suggest you do it with better policies and better candidates?

Or are you already aware that won’t work?

Iowa Right to Life Director Doesn’t Really Know Much about Birth Control

I will never understand why pro-life advocates are not strongly pro birth control.  I mean, people will have sex.  It doesn’t matter how many purity rings you sell or how many abstinence only sex ed classes you teach.

Hell, married people who don’t want to have kids will have sex.

And if some of those women who want to have sex get pregnant, they might want an abortion.  Why wouldn’t you be in strong support of something that reduces the odds of an unwanted pregnancy in the first place?

I’m serious – there should be pamphlets about contraception and condoms at every pro-life event.  They should be handing that shit out in front of Planned Parenthood.  Here’s a good slogan: “use protection so you don’t even need to consider having an abortion!”

But they aren’t handing out condoms. In fact, after statistics have shown abortion rates in Iowa dropped after use of contraception increased, the head of Iowa’s Right to Life said:

I think that contraception, by and large, has a huge failure rate.

For the record, she is totally fucking wrong.  Used correctly, the failure rate of most contraception is less than 1%.

So – and I ask this with all respect – what the fuck is this really about?

Road Rage

I’m going to be the first to admit that I fucking hate other drivers.  All of them.  They are in my way and many of them engage in random lane changing or hang out in my blind spot or tailgate or drive too slow in the fast lane or don’t pull into the intersection to turn left until the light turns fucking yellow.

So I really understand road rage.

I am so angry, I will shake my fist at you in the rain!

I am so angry, I will shake my fist at you in the rain!

I don’t understand a guy who pulls out a gun and shoots another driver.  Nor do I understand a dude who swerves to hit a motorcycle.

When I get angry at another driver, I honk my horn at them.  If I’m super out of control, I might do it twice.

I feel like it is the proper way to say “you drive like a douchebag” without, you know, shooting them.

I know regular readers will be shocked that I didn’t complain about guns here.  So let me be clear, I’m not happy some asshole had a loaded gun in his car and shot a four year old.  He doesn’t get brownie points for admitting he murdered a kid because some other asshole cut him off in traffic.

Road rage is certainly made worse by a loaded gun.  But it is always bad.  The solution, of course, is for everyone else to stop driving.

Anti Geek Bullshit

So maybe you know (or maybe you don’t) that this week contained the date Marty and Doc Brown travelled to in Back to the Future II.

You may also know that a new Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer dropped this week.

Geeks were understandably excited about these two events.  The former resulted in a whole lot of jokes.  Many of which were repetitive and/or not very funny.

The latter resulted in blog posts dissecting every single shot.

And, of course, both resulted in a bunch of people railing against the geeks for being so fucking excited about something they personally didn’t like.

It takes all kinds, I guess but here’s the thing: if someone is excited about Back to the Future because they fucking love those movies, why do you give a shit?  If you are pissed that people don’t love your favorite movie, you need to learn something about art.

Love of art is subjective.  And yes – the Back to the Future movies are art.

Pop art, sure.  But still art.

You don’t have to like it.  But you don’t have to unzip your fly and piss on it either.



Shit that Didn’t Piss me Off – 9/18

Apologies to regular fans of my Friday blog.  I’m going to do things a little differently today.

I’ve been writing Shit that Pissed me off most Fridays for the last three years.  I enjoy it as an exercise in writing humor and in exploring my opinions about what is happening in the world around me.  Since I’ve started writing the column, it has never coincided with my birthday.

Well this year, it has.

So I decided instead of spending my birthday thinking about stuff that annoys me, I’m going to write about things that make me happy.  I’ll post this week’s shit that pissed me off on Monday. Because even on my birthday, there are things that piss me off.

I begin my 48th year today and in honor of that, here are 48 things that make me happy.

1.  I’ve been married to the same amazing woman for the last 25 1/2 years.  She is brilliant, courageous, thoughtful, sexy, and supportive.  She laughs at some of my jokes.  She listens when I’m in a bad mood.  She corrects me when I’m wrong.  There is not a night that goes by where I am not happy we share a bed, a home, and a life.

2. I’ve got one fantastic mother.  She loves math and has spent her life finding ways to help others love it too. She loves being an amateur artist.  She is a fun travel companion.  Any day I know I’m going to see her is automatically a good day.

3. My oldest son is great.  He’s clever, cheerful, fun, and affectionate.  He grew several inches in the last year and is starting to show signs of facial hair.  Pretty soon, he’s going to learn how to drive and get a job and start looking at colleges.  I’m not sure I’m ready for any of that.

4. My youngest son is wonderfully creative.  The way he builds new Lego structures and describes ideas for new games or parks or dinosaurs shows boundless inventiveness.  His head must be such an interesting place to live.

5. My Brother is full of passion and energy.  He has been remarkably successful in not just the field he has chosen to pursue, but most anything he decides to accomplish.  We have a great relationship hampered only by the distance that separates us.

6. My Sister-in-law has a sharp sense of humor, an infectious positive attitude, and seems like a perfect partner for my brother.

Read More…

Shit that Pissed me Off – 5/1

Guy Kicks Hiking Trail off of His Property Because Hikers are Being Assholes

The Superior hiking trail is getting a permanent detour because some hikers seem to think that signs saying “no camping” and “private property” mean “camp here any time you want!”

The signs also mean “verbally abuse people doing stuff you don’t approve of” and “throw trash everywhere.”

This sign also, apparently, means

This sign also, apparently, means “feel free to leave the trail anywhere you like!”

While I’ve never hiked the superior trail and I probably never will, I’m still annoyed that a bunch of jackass hikers made things so difficult for the landowner that he decided to kick the trail off of his property.  I could wish the guy would have been willing to deal with the issues but since the land belongs to him, he gets to decide when he’s had enough.

As of today, those dipshits who couldn’t manage to follow the rules when they were on someone else’s land will be equally adept at ignoring the rules when they are on public land.  But at least one guy won’t have to deal with it.

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The Sound of Your Voice

This weekend, someone told me that they hated the sound of their voice.  I replied with a much too flippant “everyone hates the sound of their voice.”

Flippant or not, I think my response was kind of true. Our voices sound different to us than they do to everyone else.  When we hear a recording of our voice, we are likely to have an Yzma moment. f30c7262c3ccfa8a271c83eb425477cf Yes, I’m sad to say.  That is your voice.  Nothing you can do about it except get used to it.  Because you want to know who doesn’t think your voice sounds weird? Everyone else.  Many of them have been listening to you for years and do you know why none of them have complained about how horrible you sound when you speak? Read More…

Shit that Pissed me Off – 4/10

Police Officer Shot a Man in the Back and was Caught Lying About it

If you click through to the link, there is video of a man being shot to death.  That’s important to know because you might not want to watch such a thing.

Early reports about this incident indicated that the victim tried to take the officer’s taser and the officer shot him in self-defense.  That was the story the officer repeated over and over again.  And it was a lie.

If I said I didn't like ice cream, it would also be a lie.  A harmless lie.  Unlike this lie.

If I said I didn’t like ice cream, it would also be a lie. A harmless lie. So when the officer lied to save his skin, it’s kind of like that, right?

Even if the victim had tried to take a taser before the video starts, it is obvious he posed no threat to the officer when he was running away and eight bullets were fired at his back.

Without that video, the officer would not be facing murder charges.  Thousands of people would be telling us that we weren’t there so we couldn’t know what really happened.  We should take the word of the police officer because why would he lie?

I don’t know.  Maybe for the same reasons as anyone else?

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Shit that Pissed me off – 3/20

Prosperity Gospel Preacher Needs Money To Buy a Private Jet

Creflo Dollar – which I confess is the best name for a pastor ever – needs a new private jet so he can fly around the world bringing the good word to people who can’t afford proper nutrition.

He just needs 200,000 people to reach into their pockets and give 300 dollars apiece.  When you put it that way, it doesn’t sound like quite so much money. I mean, you’re really just giving it to god.  Through an intermediary, sure, but Dollar will make sure every cent gets to god.

He might use a few thousand dollars to pay his gardener but other than that, all the money goes to god.

He might use a few thousand dollars to pay his gardener but other than that, all the money goes to god.

Well, I mean, he’ll put in a good word for you with god.  Not personally, of course, because 200,000 is a lot of names.  But god will know.

What Dollar is doing is using god to justify his lavish lifestyle and getting the faithful to foot the bill.

Do we all think Dollar will use that new airplane exclusively for spreading the gospel or do we think it might get used for a family vacation or two?

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Shit that Pissed me Off – 3/13

Hasbro Seems to Have Forgotten Someone

Hasbro has announced they are releasing a line of 24 Star Wars figures to coincide with the digital re-release of the films.  That is awesome because I can buy them for my kid.  And then play with them myself.

However, they seem to have forgotten the most badass character in the original trilogy.

Nope.  Han is there.  So is Chewbacca.

Do I have to hide some plans inside a droid to help you figure it out?

Do I have to hide some plans inside a droid to help you figure it out?

Where, I ask you, is Princess Leia?  They can include a two fucking battle droids but can’t seem to include one of the most important characters from the original trilogy?

Memo to Hasbro: nobody gives a shit about battle droids.  Nobody.

I realize the Star Wars universe is not full of women but if you can find room for Padme Amidala in your 24 figures, you can sure as hell find room for Leia.

Read More…


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