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Shit that Didn’t Piss me Off – 9/18

Apologies to regular fans of my Friday blog.  I’m going to do things a little differently today.

I’ve been writing Shit that Pissed me off most Fridays for the last three years.  I enjoy it as an exercise in writing humor and in exploring my opinions about what is happening in the world around me.  Since I’ve started writing the column, it has never coincided with my birthday.

Well this year, it has.

So I decided instead of spending my birthday thinking about stuff that annoys me, I’m going to write about things that make me happy.  I’ll post this week’s shit that pissed me off on Monday. Because even on my birthday, there are things that piss me off.

I begin my 48th year today and in honor of that, here are 48 things that make me happy.

1.  I’ve been married to the same amazing woman for the last 25 1/2 years.  She is brilliant, courageous, thoughtful, sexy, and supportive.  She laughs at some of my jokes.  She listens when I’m in a bad mood.  She corrects me when I’m wrong.  There is not a night that goes by where I am not happy we share a bed, a home, and a life.

2. I’ve got one fantastic mother.  She loves math and has spent her life finding ways to help others love it too. She loves being an amateur artist.  She is a fun travel companion.  Any day I know I’m going to see her is automatically a good day.

3. My oldest son is great.  He’s clever, cheerful, fun, and affectionate.  He grew several inches in the last year and is starting to show signs of facial hair.  Pretty soon, he’s going to learn how to drive and get a job and start looking at colleges.  I’m not sure I’m ready for any of that.

4. My youngest son is wonderfully creative.  The way he builds new Lego structures and describes ideas for new games or parks or dinosaurs shows boundless inventiveness.  His head must be such an interesting place to live.

5. My Brother is full of passion and energy.  He has been remarkably successful in not just the field he has chosen to pursue, but most anything he decides to accomplish.  We have a great relationship hampered only by the distance that separates us.

6. My Sister-in-law has a sharp sense of humor, an infectious positive attitude, and seems like a perfect partner for my brother.

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Shit that Pissed me Off – 5/1

Guy Kicks Hiking Trail off of His Property Because Hikers are Being Assholes

The Superior hiking trail is getting a permanent detour because some hikers seem to think that signs saying “no camping” and “private property” mean “camp here any time you want!”

The signs also mean “verbally abuse people doing stuff you don’t approve of” and “throw trash everywhere.”

This sign also, apparently, means

This sign also, apparently, means “feel free to leave the trail anywhere you like!”

While I’ve never hiked the superior trail and I probably never will, I’m still annoyed that a bunch of jackass hikers made things so difficult for the landowner that he decided to kick the trail off of his property.  I could wish the guy would have been willing to deal with the issues but since the land belongs to him, he gets to decide when he’s had enough.

As of today, those dipshits who couldn’t manage to follow the rules when they were on someone else’s land will be equally adept at ignoring the rules when they are on public land.  But at least one guy won’t have to deal with it.

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The Sound of Your Voice

This weekend, someone told me that they hated the sound of their voice.  I replied with a much too flippant “everyone hates the sound of their voice.”

Flippant or not, I think my response was kind of true. Our voices sound different to us than they do to everyone else.  When we hear a recording of our voice, we are likely to have an Yzma moment. f30c7262c3ccfa8a271c83eb425477cf Yes, I’m sad to say.  That is your voice.  Nothing you can do about it except get used to it.  Because you want to know who doesn’t think your voice sounds weird? Everyone else.  Many of them have been listening to you for years and do you know why none of them have complained about how horrible you sound when you speak? Read More…

Shit that Pissed me Off – 4/10

Police Officer Shot a Man in the Back and was Caught Lying About it

If you click through to the link, there is video of a man being shot to death.  That’s important to know because you might not want to watch such a thing.

Early reports about this incident indicated that the victim tried to take the officer’s taser and the officer shot him in self-defense.  That was the story the officer repeated over and over again.  And it was a lie.

If I said I didn't like ice cream, it would also be a lie.  A harmless lie.  Unlike this lie.

If I said I didn’t like ice cream, it would also be a lie. A harmless lie. So when the officer lied to save his skin, it’s kind of like that, right?

Even if the victim had tried to take a taser before the video starts, it is obvious he posed no threat to the officer when he was running away and eight bullets were fired at his back.

Without that video, the officer would not be facing murder charges.  Thousands of people would be telling us that we weren’t there so we couldn’t know what really happened.  We should take the word of the police officer because why would he lie?

I don’t know.  Maybe for the same reasons as anyone else?

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Shit that Pissed me off – 3/20

Prosperity Gospel Preacher Needs Money To Buy a Private Jet

Creflo Dollar – which I confess is the best name for a pastor ever – needs a new private jet so he can fly around the world bringing the good word to people who can’t afford proper nutrition.

He just needs 200,000 people to reach into their pockets and give 300 dollars apiece.  When you put it that way, it doesn’t sound like quite so much money. I mean, you’re really just giving it to god.  Through an intermediary, sure, but Dollar will make sure every cent gets to god.

He might use a few thousand dollars to pay his gardener but other than that, all the money goes to god.

He might use a few thousand dollars to pay his gardener but other than that, all the money goes to god.

Well, I mean, he’ll put in a good word for you with god.  Not personally, of course, because 200,000 is a lot of names.  But god will know.

What Dollar is doing is using god to justify his lavish lifestyle and getting the faithful to foot the bill.

Do we all think Dollar will use that new airplane exclusively for spreading the gospel or do we think it might get used for a family vacation or two?

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Shit that Pissed me Off – 3/13

Hasbro Seems to Have Forgotten Someone

Hasbro has announced they are releasing a line of 24 Star Wars figures to coincide with the digital re-release of the films.  That is awesome because I can buy them for my kid.  And then play with them myself.

However, they seem to have forgotten the most badass character in the original trilogy.

Nope.  Han is there.  So is Chewbacca.

Do I have to hide some plans inside a droid to help you figure it out?

Do I have to hide some plans inside a droid to help you figure it out?

Where, I ask you, is Princess Leia?  They can include a two fucking battle droids but can’t seem to include one of the most important characters from the original trilogy?

Memo to Hasbro: nobody gives a shit about battle droids.  Nobody.

I realize the Star Wars universe is not full of women but if you can find room for Padme Amidala in your 24 figures, you can sure as hell find room for Leia.

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Gaming With Kids

llama5Tabletop gaming has become a major thing these days.  Recently, we took an inventory of the tabletop games in our house and discovered we have over 150.  We’ve acquired at least ten more games since then.

We’ve also purchased expansion packs for games we already have but I’m not going to count those because they aren’t new games.

Number of games we’ve gotten rid of in the same amount of time: zero.

As you can see, we have something of a problem.  We are quite literally running out of shelves to put all the games.

The obvious solution is to attempt to play every game in our house at least once.

I know what you are thinking and no, the solution is not to dispose of the games that we’ve owned for over ten years and never played once.  That would be allowing the game to win.

There are two wrinkles in this plan.  The first is probably obvious – when we like a game, we want to play it more than once. I, for instance, could spend an entire weekend playing “Legendary” and still want to play it again.

Because the rest of my family does not feel the same way I am, I think rightly, considering having them replaced.

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