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Shit that Pissed me Off – 2/5

Ted Cruz Delivers Backhanded Apology to CNN After He Misrepresented Something They Reported

I confess I’ve been spending a lot of time covering the Trump campaign here.  I do so because he’s a complete tool.

But I’ve really been unfair to the other complete tools who comprise the bulk of the Republican Presidential field.  Like Ted Cruz.

Fortunately for Cruz, he won the Iowa caucus on Monday and that means he can now step into the limelight!

And step into it he did when he blamed CNN for reporting that Ben Carson was dropping out of the race.  In fact, Carson was just going home to Florida for a few days.  Which is exactly what CNN reported.

When the Cruz camp got called out for misstating the information, they blamed it on CNN.  CNN responded by effectively saying “fuck you – we never said or even implied he was dropping out of the race.  Here’s the record of what we said you idiot.”

Dracula just dropped the mic. DRACULA JUST DROPPED THE MIC!!!

Dracula just dropped the mic. DRACULA JUST DROPPED THE MIC!!!

Cruz responded by magnanimously saying that CNN had, “surprisingly” gotten it right. Backhanded compliment for win!

Actually, he said “miracles happen.”  Ha ha.

What’s really funny is that Cruz’s apology still got it wrong. He claimed CNN said Carson was not carrying on to New Hampshire and South Carolina.

Except they never claimed that.  They said was going home to Florida first.

You know what, I-hope-to-never-call-you President Cruz? If you are going to make fun of a news organization for misreporting the news, it doesn’t help if you misreport what they said.

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Shit that Pissed me Off – 1/29

School Principal Forces a Girl onto her Knees Because of School Dress Policy

It feels like just last week I was writing about young women being subjected to draconian dress policies.  Oh wait – it was just last week.  It’s like this sort of thing happens to young women all the time!

Gosh, I wonder what that does to their body image and self-esteem?

Who cares, right?  What’s important is that those young ladies remember that modesty is their best option in life.  It’s for their own good.  Young boys can’t be trusted.  If your skirt doesn’t touch the ground when you are kneeling, it is too short!

Yeah, curvy Barbie! You'd better GO HOME AND CHANGE!

Yeah, curvy Barbie! You’d better GO HOME AND CHANGE!

I really do understand the need for certain dress codes in schools.  At issue here, though,  is not the idea of a dress code but rather the idea that young women are shamed for showing off (what is deemed to be) too much of their bodies while young men do not face the same stigma.

In this case, the principal defended the action by pointing out boys had been sent home for wearing ripped jeans.

Did he make them kneel so he could measure the size of the holes?

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Shit that Pissed me off – 1/22

Insider Reports Indicate Disney Marketers Didn’t Think Rey Would be Very Popular

Even though Rey was the lead in The Force Awakens, inside reports suggest that the prevailing opinion was that kids (specifically boys) wouldn’t be interested.  Also, apparently girls don’t play with action figures or some stupid shit like that.

They decided that what they really needed was a whole lot of Kylo Ren stuff.

Now don’t get me wrong – Kylo Ren is a great character.  I love his conflicted nature and his violent mood swings.  He is one of the most dangerous villains I think the Star Wars universe has ever created.

Yes, including Darth Vader.

But the heart of the film is Rey.  If you don’t have confidence that kids are going to identify with her and want toys that represent her, why the fuck are you making merchandise for the film?

Come with me! I hear there's a sale on Kylo Ren merchandise!

Come with me! I hear there’s a sale on Kylo Ren merchandise!

I mean, if your expectation of the hero is that low, your expectation of the rest of the film has to be lower, doesn’t it?

What’s embarrassing is this conversation has been going on for years.  The public has been saying “we want toys featuring the women in these movies” and every time a new film comes out, the response seems to be “well, we didn’t know!”

When in realty, they just didn’t care.

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Shit that Pissed me Off – 1/15

South Dakota Lawmaker Wants Children to Submit to Genital Inspection Because Transphobia

File this under “laws that will never pass but what absolute insensitive fuckwit would even propose such a thing?”

South Dakota representative Roger Hunt is really concerned about transgender children being allowed to participate in sports based on their gender identity and he wants to make sure that kids are carefully forced into his personal definition of their gender.

Roger Hunt won't have to show his genitals because he's already shown that he's a dick.

Roger Hunt won’t have to show his genitals because he’s already shown that he’s a dick.

The only way to do this, he reasons through legislation, is to force kids to produce a birth certificate and also to submit to a genital inspection.  Score one for trans shaming but also score one for embarrassing every child who wants to participate in sports!

What’s that Billy?  You want to play Football?  Not until we make sure you have a penis!

Don’t worry, Billy!  It’s not discrimination.  Your sister Sally wants to play volleyball but she can’t do that until we see her vagina!

See?  Fair!

BTW – Hunt isn’t alone.  There’s also this fuckwit in Virginia.

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Shit that Pissed me Off – 1/8

With Christmas and January 1st falling on Fridays, I’ve been a bit backlogged on this column.  That means this week might feature more anger than usual.  If you are a regular reader, I’m sorry for the time off.

A Couple of Prosperity Preachers Spend Some Time Justifying Their Private Jets

The sheer amount of privilege these guys exhibit when they talk about how difficult it is for them to fly coach is remarkable.  What is frightening, though, is some of the points they make are completely fair.  I hate that.

Imagine you are a super popular preacher who has to travel all over the country.  Imagine you are flying somewhere new almost every day.  If you had to fly commercial air the whole time, it would be a lot less convenient.

What if god loses your luggage?

What if god loses your luggage?

I mean, you’d get all the first class upgrades and I’m pretty sure whoever is bringing you in to speak would be paying for your ticket but it would still be less convenient.  If you schedule yourself that tightly, it would likely be very difficult to get everywhere you needed to go with commercial airlines.  You might have to cut back on your appearances or something.  Which would be a damn shame.

Thing is, they are getting luxury jets paid for by convincing poor people to give them money.  Lots and lots of money.  And they have conversations with god on their planes (not kidding – watch the video) in which god apparently tells them that they should want a better plane.

Which means it is time to fleece the poor people again!

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The Myth of the Good Guy with a Gun

invented-first-gun-1The debate over guns in our country is filled with disinformation on both sides.  Yeah – you heard me – both sides.  Being someone who isn’t all that nuts about guns, I totally get that I don’t know everything and some of the stuff I think I know is probably wrong.  I would like to believe people on the other side of the debate understand the same thing.

What I know is that I don’t like guns.  I don’t like it when I’m around people with guns.  Even police officers make me nervous.

I also know that not liking guns is different from saying “let’s get rid of all the guns.”

But look, I think the NRA is about the worst thing that can happen to the gun debate.  Because they are intractable.  Because they are a regular source of bad information.  And because they make shit up.

In specific, I want talk about the phrase “the only thing that will stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.”

I mean, that sounds like a really reasonable thing to say, right? If all of the good guys out there are armed, the bad guys don’t stand a chance!

Here’s the problem, though.  Everyone thinks they are the good guy.

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Shit that Pissed me Off – 12/11

The Media Manages to Prove that Every Bad Thing Anyone Says About Them is True

In the wake of a shooting spree in San Bernardino, fourteen victims and two suspects lay dead.  News agencies were left with one important task:  to find a way to convince people to watch their coverage over the coverage on a different network.

When the authorities apparently cleared the apartment where the two shooters lived, reporters stormed the apartment and began sifting through toys in the baby’s room, toiletries in the bathroom, and any other detail they could get their hand on. And then they reported on it under the mistaken impression that people gave a fuck.

Authorities are unsure why the family chose Crest as their toothpaste but one thing is certain: this reporter is glad he uses Colgate.

“Authorities are unsure why the family chose Crest as their toothpaste but one thing is certain: this reporter is glad he uses Colgate.”

I guess they did it because nobody was going to let them sift through the toiletries of the victims.

Amazingly, this absolutely crazed frenzy managed to achieve what would have seemed to be impossible: It nearly made the reporters look worse than people who had committed mass murder.

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