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Shit that Pissed Me Off – 11/6

What the Fuck is Wrong with you, Houston?

Houston voters repealing an LGBT rights ordinance was only one of several shit results from Tuesday’s election.

What’s that?  You didn’t know there was an election on Tuesday?

That’s because it was an off year and even though city councils and school boards have a lot more impact on our day to day life, most of us can’t be bothered to get off of our asses and take the ten minutes required to go to our polling place and cast a vote.  Call it twenty minutes if you actually want to do some research before you get there.

I don't know anything about the candidates! If only there was something that could allow me to locate that information quickly and efficiently!

I don’t know anything about the candidates! If only there was something that could allow me to locate that information quickly and efficiently!

In Houston, they had passed an ordinance protecting the rights of the LGBT community and a bunch of paranoid, prude, fuckwits turned the debate into a question about whether or not you wanted your daughter to be in the same bathroom with a trans woman.

By putting it on the ballot in an off year, they ensured they could get a whole bunch of other paranoid, prude, fuckwits to the polls to make sure trans women used the men’s room because that’s where they belong!  Also trans men have to keep using the ladies room but something tells me nobody is nearly as concerned about that.

Here’s a lesson to every apathetic voter everywhere – the people who show up can get things done.  And in Houston, the people who showed up told the trans community to go fuck itself while a whole bunch of other people stayed home and figured they weren’t trans so who gives a shit.

In Afghanistan, They Stoned a Woman to Death for Adultery

They dug a hole in the ground and men threw rocks at her head until she died.

Because she had been forced into a loveless marriage and tried to escape with another man.  No word on what happened to the man.  I’m betting he’s still alive because fuck women.

For every guy who complains about feminism, there is a story like this one that points out women worldwide have to deal with shit guys simply don’t.  Not only that, but if a woman breaks the rules society places upon them, a bunch of guys literally get to throw rocks at her head.

This isn’t a metaphor.

A bunch of men decided she deserved to die for being in love with a man she hadn’t been forced to marry and then another bunch of men willingly killed her.

So, dear men trying to convince me that your life is tough too and why doesn’t anyone respect you for all your sacrifices, you need to shut the fuck up.

Here’s a Meme that Pissed me Off!

I love this one because it is filled with half truths and also makes a whole bunch of bullshit assumptions.  Shall we begin?


All right Mrs. Smug self righteous defender of the underpaid military, let’s start with the obvious.

Even if the military is underpaid, and while they get health care, lodging, food, and other benefits a McDonald’s hourly employee does not, I still agree that they are not paid well, that doesn’t mean a McDonald’s employee is not also underpaid.

Wages aren’t a continuum where you decide how important a job is to you personally (because it’s all about you) and then decide how much that person should be paid relative to the amount someone else with a different job should be paid.

And seriously person who probably doesn’t flip burgers for a living, the value you place on flipping burgers really shows how much of an elitist jackass you are.  I’m willing to bet you don’t want to flip burgers.  I know I don’t want that job.  It sucks.  So before you decry people for being unskilled labor, you need to think about the fact that you wouldn’t flip burgers for any amount of money.  They could pay you $100,000 a year and you still wouldn’t want to stand over a hot griddle for 40 hours a week listening to entitled fucks (like you) telling you that you are overpaid and I said NO ketchup (or catsup) you illiterate idiot!  OF COURSE I want fries with that!

You know the other thing about the military?  When most people enter the military, they are also unskilled labor!  The military spends a lot of time and money training them to be skilled labor.

So how about we all stop judging people for wanting to be paid more.  Because everyone wants to be paid more.  I’ll bet judgy mcjudgerton Facebook lady also wants to be paid more for what she does.  And she’d probably think some lawyer was a jackass if he posted some bullshit Facebook update about how she doesn’t deserve a raise.

In all honesty though, I’m not really annoyed at elitist Facebook lady.  I’m annoyed at all the people who shared her post because they don’t get it either.

A Small Town in Missouri is Totally Punishing a Young Woman Because she was Raped by a Guy they Like

Everyone says Darren Paden is a great guy.

He’s a great guy who raped a girl at least 200 times starting when she was five years old.  Sounds like a pillar of the community.

So while folks in Dearborn, MO are totally bummed that this guy is about to go to jail forever (after a guilty plea), they are pretty annoyed at the girl who accused him.  She recently was turned down for an apartment because she was repeatedly raped by this great guy.

We can't have rape victims here! You'd just attract sexual predators!

We can’t have rape victims here! You’d just attract sexual predators!

They say his confession was coerced.  The poor guy was forced to admit to serial rape by this horrible seventeen year old girl who will never lead a truly normal life.  Clearly she had it out for him.

Look, I knew a guy who did this sort of thing once.  Everyone said he was a great guy.

He wasn’t.  He raped a kid.  And he went to jail.  Just like this asshole.

Did You Hear the One about the Rock Star Who Can’t Record an Album

I’m not a big fan of Ke$ha.  I’m not into her music.  But you know what?  She ought to be able to record an album if she wants.  And apparently, she would really like to record an album.

Why can’t she?

Because her contract states that she can’t record an album without Dr. Luke (holy fuck music people and their “cool” names) and he apparently has been sexually harassing her for years.  So she’d really rather record her album with – you know – someone who isn’t a toad.

What? I said "toad," not "frog!"

What???? I said “toad,” not “frog!”

It seems fair but a contract is a contract and that means endless litigation just so she doesn’t have to be around a sleaze.  Which also means she hasn’t put out a new album in three years in an industry where you need to keep producing work or face irrelevancy and endless casino concerts.

Now I don’t know anything about her contract or about whether or not she was actually sexually harassed (she almost certainly was) but seriously, it sucks that her career is stuck in the courts.  Someone should get this shit settled because artists should be allowed to make art.



Shit that Pissed me off – 10/9

No Hymen, No Diamond

No link on this one.  Do a Facebook search if you want to find it.

This Facebook group is dedicated to the idea that men deserve virgins to marry.  If a girl doesn’t have a hymen, they aren’t going to put a ring on it.

They also post a lot of really super funny misogynist jokes like “How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb…. 0, everyone knows feminists can’t change anything!”


HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!  Checkmate, feminists!  You haven’t changed anything at all!  Ever!

Well, sure.  You got the right to vote and paid family medical leave and legalized abortion but what have you done lately?

I shouldn’t give a shit about a bunch of insecure men’s rights assholes and for the most part, I don’t.  They are an embarrassment to other human beings but I believe their point of view is the minority and they just look like petulant douchebags who resent all the women that won’t date them because they are disrespectful cocks.

But I’m raising two boys.  And I’m trying to teach them that women should be loved and respected and afforded all the rights men take for granted.

And the existence of garbage like this makes my job a little bit tougher.

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Shit that Didn’t Piss me Off – 9/18

Apologies to regular fans of my Friday blog.  I’m going to do things a little differently today.

I’ve been writing Shit that Pissed me off most Fridays for the last three years.  I enjoy it as an exercise in writing humor and in exploring my opinions about what is happening in the world around me.  Since I’ve started writing the column, it has never coincided with my birthday.

Well this year, it has.

So I decided instead of spending my birthday thinking about stuff that annoys me, I’m going to write about things that make me happy.  I’ll post this week’s shit that pissed me off on Monday. Because even on my birthday, there are things that piss me off.

I begin my 48th year today and in honor of that, here are 48 things that make me happy.

1.  I’ve been married to the same amazing woman for the last 25 1/2 years.  She is brilliant, courageous, thoughtful, sexy, and supportive.  She laughs at some of my jokes.  She listens when I’m in a bad mood.  She corrects me when I’m wrong.  There is not a night that goes by where I am not happy we share a bed, a home, and a life.

2. I’ve got one fantastic mother.  She loves math and has spent her life finding ways to help others love it too. She loves being an amateur artist.  She is a fun travel companion.  Any day I know I’m going to see her is automatically a good day.

3. My oldest son is great.  He’s clever, cheerful, fun, and affectionate.  He grew several inches in the last year and is starting to show signs of facial hair.  Pretty soon, he’s going to learn how to drive and get a job and start looking at colleges.  I’m not sure I’m ready for any of that.

4. My youngest son is wonderfully creative.  The way he builds new Lego structures and describes ideas for new games or parks or dinosaurs shows boundless inventiveness.  His head must be such an interesting place to live.

5. My Brother is full of passion and energy.  He has been remarkably successful in not just the field he has chosen to pursue, but most anything he decides to accomplish.  We have a great relationship hampered only by the distance that separates us.

6. My Sister-in-law has a sharp sense of humor, an infectious positive attitude, and seems like a perfect partner for my brother.

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Shit that Pissed me Off – 9/11

In Wisconsin, they are Banning a Long List of Foods from Food Stamp Eligibility

So, OK.  I see what they are trying to do.  They are trying to help poor people eat healthier.

I mean, it’s great that we want to spend a lot of time convincing forcing poor kids to eat brussels sprouts but isn’t being poor bitter enough?

It seems like we are punishing poor kids and single moms for being poor kids and single moms.  If they are getting a little government assistance (and food stamps are a little government assistance), why not let ’em use it to buy ketchup if they want some?

If you want ketchup on your hot dog, little girl, tell your parents to GET A JOB!

If you want ketchup on your hot dog, little girl, tell your parents to GET A JOB!

No, poor kids!  If you want to eat some french fries, the most you can put on them is a little bit of salt!

Also, they need to be sweet potato fries because we aren’t going to let you buy potatoes.

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Shit that Pissed me off – 9/4

Kim Davis

Kim Davis, a clerk in Kentucky, has been on a religious crusade for a while now.  Steadfastly refusing to issue marriage licenses because her conscience (and the Bible) won’t allow her to “condone” same-sex marriage, she has been fighting for her right to discriminate against people she doesn’t approve of religious freedom in the courts.

And she has lost.  Time and again the courts have told her “this is the law.  You have a sworn duty to uphold it even if you don’t agree with it.”

This week, after once again refusing to do her legal duty, she has been jailed for contempt of court.

There are so many things that bother me about all of this.

First of all, she is abusing the court system.  There has never been a time when she would have abided by the court decision if she lost.  Never.  Sure, she probably believed she would win but so what?  If you are going to use the court system and you lose, lose with some dignity.

Second, if she can’t do her job for moral reasons, she needs to quit.  Instead of using her religion as an excuse to deny people a legal right with which she doesn’t agree, she needs to accept that she can’t fulfill the function of her office.  Because she can’t won’t.

Third, can you imagine the issues should the court eventually side with her?  Devout Muslims could refuse to issue drivers licenses to women.  Devout Jews could refuse to serve McRibs at a McDonalds.  Devout Buddhists could ruin a concert by clapping with only one hand.

Fourth, this isn’t about her personal beliefs being under fire.  She isn’t doing this so she personally doesn’t have to issue same-sex marriage licenses.  Told she would be released from jail if she allowed her deputies to sign same-sex licenses, she said she would not.  In other words, even though she would not be issuing the license, she won’t allow one to be issued by anyone in her office.  That means she is enforcing her own belief on those who work with her.  Which is exactly what she claims to be fighting against.

Finally, I have a real problem with Christians who are casting stones.  Because Jesus was pretty clear on this point:


Kim Davis cheated on her first husband with her third husband.  Which is adultery and one of those commandments fundamentalist Christians are so anxious to put in courthouses.

I’m not judging her for that.  She screwed up.  People screw up all the time.  I’m judging her for the fact she has the temerity to deny a legal right to others when she, by her own religious beliefs, has no right to judge them.

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Shit that Pissed me Off – 8/28

Sarah Palin is Still Able to Say Things People Will Repeat

Earlier this week, Curt Schilling was suspended from ESPN for tweeting something really stupid.  In case you are wondering, it was the following meme.

It’s said only 5-10% of Muslims are extremists. In 1940, only 7% of Germans were Nazis. How’d that go?

So we are using Godwin’s law to compare all Muslims everywhere to Nazis.

The problem isn’t even the logical fallacy involved.  It is the fact that Schilling works for ESPN and some of the people who watch ESPN are Muslims.  ESPN could give a fuck about Schilling’s politics.  In fact, I’m guessing sports fans skew slightly conservative so that probably isn’t an issue.

It would also appear most Republican sports fans are left handed.

It would also appear most Republican sports fans are left handed.

However, the fact that Muslims could choose to stop watching ESPN because they employ someone so publicly Islamophobic is going to be an issue.

Enter Sarah Palin, who apparently still gets to talk into microphones.  Any time a conservative gets punished for doing anything, she figures it is because the liberal media hates conservatives.  And she says so.  And for some reason, she keeps getting air time.

So let’s make this really clear: Schilling didn’t get suspended because he’s a conservative.  He got suspended because if ESPN didn’t do anything, his tweet could have cost them money.

Seems like a reason Republicans should be able to get behind.

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Finding the Right Time

TexasOpenCarryWalmart-680x365I have friends who are adamantly pro-gun.  I also have friends who are adamantly anti-gun.

Personally, I don’t like guns.  I don’t like to be around them.  I have never wanted to shoot one.  I don’t want a gun in my house.

I also don’t like the almost sexual obsession we have with guns in America.  The desire to carry our guns out in the open because IT IS OUR RIGHT is just silly.  You don’t need an AK-47 to shop at Wal-Mart.  All you need is a lack of self respect.

My dislike of guns, however, should not be misinterpreted as a desire to take away the rights of responsible gun owners.  At least not all of their rights.  Just a few limitations, maybe.  When I ask questions about gun control, I mean exactly that.

I’m talking about controlling access to guns in some cases. I’m asking how we keep guns out of the hands of people who are truly dangerous.  Because I think that is something we’d all genuinely like to do.  Pro-gun and anti-gun alike, we all want to stop bad guys from shooting up theaters.  Or killing two people in the middle of a news broadcast.

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