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Shit that Pissed Me off – 7/25

Syrians are Destroying Sculptures Because Allah

Dear everyone in the world:  Just because your particular strain of god does not approve of something is no reason to take that thing away from the rest of us.

When you destroy a sculpture that is thousands of years old, you can’t just make a new one.

This has existed for thousands of years and Allah has done nothing about it.  Therefore we must!

This has existed for thousands of years and Allah has done nothing about it. Therefore we must!

Unfortunately, this sculpture ended up in one of those places where the prevailing belief system says that historical significance is not a good enough reason to keep something around if there is a face on it.

So thanks, religious extremists, for taking something away from the rest of the world because you believe it will lead to eternal damnation! You guys are the best!

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Shit that Pissed me off – 7/18

A Lot of People are Freaking out About Immigrant Children

Here’s what I genuinely don’t understand:

The far right is super concerned about the rights of unborn children.

Once the kids are born, though, they don’t really give a fuck.  Especially if those kids weren’t born in America.

In this case, we have a Republican candidate so anxious to show how anti-immigrant he is, he stages a protest with a busload of immigrant kids.  Too bad it turns out the kids were actually from a YMCA camp.  Apparently they use school busses to move all kinds of kids around.  Who knew?

Look!  Its a school bus!  I'll bet there are illegal immigrants in there!

Look! Its a school bus! I’ll bet there are illegal immigrants in there!

Seriously, does anyone do research before setting up a photo-op?

But more seriously, these are children! This immigration “crisis” is bullshit election year stuff.  There are all sorts of people crossing our borders all the time.  Politicians only care every two years.

The rest of the time, they only care if there are enough immigrants around to pick their food, cook their food, and clean their houses.  And they don’t give a shit about how many of them are on school busses.

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Shit that Pissed me Off – 7/11

Candidate for Minnesota Legislature Exhibits His Complete Failure to Understand AIDS

I get that social conservatives don’t understand anything about homosexuality.  How else can you justify someone claiming that sperm injected anally has an enzyme that burns…um….something and causes immune deficiency?

Clearly they don’t understand anything about enzymes either.  Or sperm.  Or anuses.

Apparently it only has this effect on male anuses.  Or maybe this dude doesn’t believe there is such a thing as a woman who enjoys anal sex.

277910-77a76900-ba05-11e3-a30e-7fa6d7d0bb68

Quick, asshole, tell me what kind of sex this woman is into. You clearly know.

What continues to amaze me is how people like this guy continue to get annoyed when people like me call them homophobic.

Let me try to explain why I use the term “homophobe” to refer to you, sir.  When you are afraid of something that homosexuals do because of bullshit reasons, you are a homophobe!

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Shit that Pissed me Off – 6/27

Another Meme That Pissed Me Off

This one is about Global Warming:

 

Global warming picture

Problem is, there was more sea ice in 2013 compared to 2012, true.  But it was still far less than usual and it was, in fact, the sixth lowest amount of polar ice on record.

So look, if you, as someone with no scientific education whatsoever, are going to smugly post a meme about science, I would suggest you research the science first.  The Google search to find out the truth of this meme took me two minutes.

You also need to learn a bit about trends.

You see, one data point is just that.  One data point.  If you see a graph that shows sea ice is gradually getting smaller and then see a data point that shows in one year the ice coverage went up slightly, THAT IS NOT A TREND!!!!!

Holy shit why isn’t that obvious?  One data point is not a trend.  Ever.  There has never been a time in the history of data collection when one data point was a trend.

If you honestly want to argue with scientific consensus, use science.  Don’t use a data point.  Because that just makes you look stupid.

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Shit That Pissed me Off – 6/20

Sound Design Eliminated From the Tony Awards

I missed this one last week.  Bad form for a theatre person.

The awards were eliminated because, apparently, the people voting had no idea what sound design actually is or how to evaluate it.  So sort of like Oscar voters and Best original song.  Except nobody in the Academy gives a shit that none of them have any taste in music.

OK, we'll start with the basics: "writing a song" is not the same thing as "sound design."

We all know “Let it Go” won simply because it was the only song any of them had heard.  Right?

So instead of recognizing artists who contribute to theatrical production, they threw up their hands and told everyone that figuring out what a sound designer does is too hard.  We can’t give them an award if we don’t understand what they do.

Now, the folks running the Tonys have said they will be giving out special awards since they understand sound design better than the voters.

Last thing you would like to do is teach people what a sound designer does.  Better to just tell them you’ll handle it yourself.

MISCHIEF MANAGED!

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Shit That Pissed Me Off – 6/13

George Will Is Unsurprisingly Tone Deaf When It Comes To Rape

Nobody expected anything less from Mr. Will, right?  When he writes about rape on college campuses, he’s not going to come off as particularly sympathetic to the victims, right?

Well, he sure doesn’t.  He gives an example of a rape story he thinks is a false accusation and when I read it, I see an example of a young woman being raped.

I know, I know. I say “tomato” and George Will says “tomato.”  I say “rape” and George Will says “Sexual Misunderstanding.”

Why is rape insensitivity primarily a conservative trait?  Is it just that conservatives are dumb enough to say it out loud?  They always seem to be trying to find some way to ignore rape statistics.  Will doesn’t believe the numbers so he goes through an analysis of one set of numbers to prove that they all must be wrong.

He’s a smart guy, right?  He knows that the single set of numbers he’s using don’t actually constitute and kind of proof, right?

I don’t think he cares.  He was looking to torpedo the Obama administration because he’s a conservative columnist and that’s what he’s paid to do.  What he managed to do was tell every rape victim on college campuses that what happened to them isn’t so bad.

BTW, I don’t think most conservatives are rape apologists. They need to be telling the conservatives stepping up to the microphone to stop because I don’t think George Will is going to listen to me.

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Shit that Pissed me Off – 6/6

Guy Threatens to Kill a Dad Who is Teaching his Daughter How to Ride a Bike

He didn’t just threaten to kill someone.  He did it while holding a loaded shotgun.

He admitted he did so to police.  He even said he probably should have fired.

At issue is not the question of whether or not people have the right to own guns.  The issue is why people feel that casually producing a gun and pointing it at someone in the street is an acceptable act. This guy is a loon but his action is, I think, part of a greater movement that troubles me.

When people openly carry semi-automatic weapons into Target because they feel it is their right, we have a problem.  This isn’t about the right to bear arms any longer.  It is about the right to not have someone point a gun at you when you are shopping for produce.

I told you to get away from that lettuce!

I feel that if I like a different kind of Pop Tarts than you, I shouldn’t be concerned that we are going to need to have a showdown in frozen foods to settle the problem.

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Shit that Pissed me Off – 5/29

The Earth Might be Struck by an Asteroid but it Won’t be This One

Thanks, CNN, for creating the most useless news source ever devised.  They fired editors and other staff who might have vetted stories like this and instead they have a hoax masquerading as legitimate news on their site.

Either you are a news organization or not.  Having a section of your website devoted to user-generated content is a pretty trendy thing to do but if you can’t be bothered to fact check what they post, you’d better be clear that people clicking through to this material should have their bullshit detector on high alert.

I understand you can get these things super cheap on E-Bay

Something everyone should remember, unless you can find a source for the article you linked to, there is a good chance what you are posting is either opinion or completely made up.

The only difference between this CNN article and Armageddon is I didn’t have to sit through an Aerosmith song to read this article.

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Shit that Pissed Me off – 5/23

I’m on vacation this week so my column will be a bit short.  However, much like last year when I was visiting National Parks for my Spring vacation, the other people in the parks had ample opportunities to piss me off.  So I’ll probably just focus on that.

Use a Trash Bag or Get Out

About twenty years ago, I visited Hawaii Volcanoes National Park with my wife, mom, and brother.  At one stop, we stepped out on to pitch black lava floes that had covered the highway on their way out to the ocean.  In the distance, we could see where an active lava flow was pouring into the Pacific.  It was amazing.

As I walked across that pitch black lava rock, I glanced down and saw a cigarette butt.  And another.  And another.

So I started to pick them up.  By the time I left that part of the park, I’d filled a large plastic bag with trash.

Every time I go to a park, I bring a bag and fill it with trash.  If I’m there for several days, I might fill several bags.  And there is never a shortage of trash.

It took nature millions of years to make this view?  I can ruin it in five seconds!

It took nature millions of years to make this view? I can ruin it in five seconds!

I’m not talking about a hat that blew off in the wind.  I’m talking about candy wrappers, kleenex, and scores of cigarette butts.  Nobody drops a cigarette butt by accident.

If you throw butts on your kitchen floor, that is your business.  I’m not telling you that you can’t smoke in Yellowstone.  I’m telling you that a fumarole isn’t more impressive with your finished Marlboro lying on the side of it.  If you can’t respect that, you should do the rest of us a favor and stay in the car.

Other People Want to Look at That Thing Too, Asshole

Hey, guess what?  If you are at Old Faithful and it is erupting for about 90 seconds and you are sitting on a bench and there are people standing behind you, don’t stand up and block their picture so someone can take a shot of you standing in front of the geyser!

NOT more impressive with a person in front of it.

NOT more impressive with a stranger in front of it.

If you wanted that picture, you should have found a different place to watch the geyser.  Because when you block the view for other people, you are really saying that you don’t give a flying fuck if they want to see the geyser because it’s really just there for your enjoyment.

Not that you are enjoying it because your back is to the fucking geyser.

Stay on the Path or Die

In Yellowstone, the ground around thermal features is quite brittle.  If you walk on it, you could break through and find yourself in water that is near boiling.  There are signs all over the place telling you this fact.

There’s also the simple fact that the ground around these features is made of very soft rock and when you walk on it, you crush it.  Unless you are a complete idiot, you should realize that the terraces at Mammoth hot springs are a lot more impressive than your footprint.

photo-6

All those people who aren’t on the footpath? They are standing on the edge of an erratic geyser so they can get a great picture just before it erupts and scalds them to death.  At least that is how the scenario plays out in my dreams.

If you need a picture of yourself standing really close to a geyser, try Photoshop.  You will look at that picture a couple of times.  If you cook that leg off, you’ll have something that lasts a lot longer but is that really the souvenir you were looking for?

The Reason There Are Signs Telling You to Stop Being an Idiot is Because a Lot of Other People Have Already Been Idiots

Here’s a picture of a sign with a warning that should not have been necessary.

photo-5

At the bottom of the sign, you are told that removal of this sign could cause injury to others.  Because they won’t know there is a BEAR nearby.  Probably a mother bear with cubs, given the time of year.  Exactly the kind of creature you don’t want to encounter.

So why do you suppose they have to tell you to leave the sign alone?  Because someone has removed one of them before.

Whoever did it probably thought it was funny.  Won’t it be hilarious if a hiker is mauled by a bear because I took away the sign that might have saved them?

No.  It really won’t.

If Someone is Taking a Picture of Something, Don’t Walk in Front of Them

I’m not a birder specifically but I like to figure out what animals I’m watching.  Frequently, that means I’ll try to take a picture of the bird I’m looking at to identify it later.

For those unfamiliar with birds, a lot of them are fairly skittish and if someone does something like walking in front of a photographer, they’ll fly away.

I think that what most folks at these parks fail to understand is that the park isn’t there for them.  It is there for everyone.

That means when someone is trying to take a picture, you can give them five seconds to get the shot.  How hard is that really?  Unless there is a geyser erupting right now, the odds are you can wait five seconds to look at the next hot spring.  I’m sure it looks really cool because they all look really cool.

Trust me, I’ve taken pictures of every single one of them.

Lame pools

Yes. Even these two.

But those pools don’t change too much in five seconds.  So let me take a picture of a damned bird, OK?

Shit That Pissed Me Off – 5/9

The Supreme Court Blurred the Lines Between Church and State

So apparently, you can have sectarian invocations at city council meetings as long as they aren’t too sectarian.

Basically, the Supreme Court told atheists, Jews, Muslims, Wiccans, and all other religions that they shouldn’t be butthurt if the majority of invocations are Christian.  That’s the way it is, I guess.

Get over it non-Christians! I don’t get all butthurt when you show up in my court and get your non-Christian arguments all over me!

So long as the Christians don’t talk about other people being wrong or awful people, it’s all OK.  Pray away!

Now, this doesn’t sound so terrible and it probably won’t be.  The lines that separate church and state, however, just got a little more blurry.  That should be a cause for concern to everyone.  Even the right-wing Christians that are celebrating their victory this week.

The doors just got opened to anyone who wants to do a sectarian prayer.  When the Satanists show up and insist they have the right to offer a prayer, I don’t think there will be as many cheers of joy from the Fundamentalists.

The real loser here is god.  With all these town council meetings invoking him, he’s going to have to listen to way more politicians than usual.  That’s gonna suck.

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