Oh man! Did I sign up for all of that?

I’ve been reviewing my CONvergence schedule for 2012 and while I have not quite achieved Melissa Kaercher levels of insanity, I will be participating in 15 different panels and events.

Holy shit.

Here’s the breakdown for those of you who care:

Thursday, July 5th

6:00 PM – The Mark Time Radio Show (Main Stage)

I’ve been honored to be a voice actor in this show for the last several years.  This year, Firesign theatre will do most of the heavy lifting (as they should) but I’ll be there to lend moral support and (I’ve been told) 3-5 supporting characters.  I believe one or two other Guests might be lined up for speaking roles so the stage will be crowded.  With talent.

I think the Mark Time show is one of the hidden gems of CONvergence.  Lots of people come to Opening Ceremonies but Mark Time is only about half full.  If you’ve never been to one, this is a great year to give it a try.

7:00 PM – Opening Ceremonies (Main Stage)

I have very little to do with Opening Ceremonies but I did co-write the sketch that will open the show.  I’m also playing some small supporting roles.  After that, you will be treated to one of the most entertaining Opening Ceremonies in all of Science Fiction conventiondom.

P.S: Duck Washington co-wrote the script with me.  If you laugh at anything, he wrote it.  The cast for the sketch is Duck, me, Sara Stevenson Scrimshaw, Jen Scott, Melissa Anne Murphy and Joseph Scrimshaw.

10:00 PM: Girls Gone Smakdown! (Main Stage)

Christopher Jones, Melissa Kaercher and I have been running Smackdown for several years.  Wherever possible we try to have the Smackdown theme mirror the convention theme.  This year we have a great many strong ladies squaring off to determine which of them is the strongest.  No men allowed because, frankly, these ladies would wipe the floor with them.

I don’t honestly remember if HIt Girl is one of our combatants but if she isn’t, you have to be impressed with the bad ass level of who is.

The panel will feature me as Emcee, Melissa as our tech goddess, regulars Christopher Jones, Tim Uren, Kelvin Hatle and Joseph Scrimshaw and this year’s guest panelists are Sharon Stiteler, Windy Bowlsby and Guest of Honor Bonnie Burton.

It’s gonna be awesome!

Friday, July 6th

11:00 AM: Aliens in Depth (Plaza 1) 

A group of dedicated film geeks will dissect James Cameron’s Aliens to explore themes of the film and look at what we consider to be one of the strongest female protagonists in any film, Ellen Ripley.  My fellow panelists are Melissa Kaercher, Mike Hallenbeck, John Cazares and Lex Larson.

Will she be in Smackdown? I can’t confirm or deny but I will point out that we aren’t stupid.

The panel is focusing on Aliens so those looking to spend time working through Prometheus will need to look elsewhere.  We’ll probably do a little bit of comparing but not enough for those of you interested in some serious Prometheus bashing.

3:30 PM: Sinister: Producing a Film (Plaza 1)

C. Robert Cargill (Cargill) has been a reviewer on Ain’t it Cool News, Spill.com and other movie web sites for years.  This year, he co-wrote Sinister. which will have a wide release in theatres this October.  I will get to moderate a panel where Cargill will talk about his experiences as a first time screenwriter.

Don’t worry – we’ll be talking about filmmaking, not spoiling his movie.

5:00 PM: Writing Comedy Music (Atrium 8)

Is there a trick to writing funny music?  What makes a funny song funny?  I’ve got some actual experience in this area and I’ll be joined by other funny musicians and writers Joseph Scrimshaw, Courtney McClean and Jeremy Messersmith.  We might even write a song during the panel.

10:30 PM: Vilification Tennis (Main Stage)

The good old days – when we did our show in a hotel room!

Either you love Vilification Tennis and you are already planning on going or you hate it and you will be somewhere else.  Both choices are equally valid.  This year we’ll have several new faces on stage as well as an overflow room we have dubbed the “Vilification Lounge” to make it sound like folks who end up in that room are getting a good deal.

Seriously, we’re doing everything we can to make sure the overflow room will be a blast.  We’ll have vilifiers who will spend the entire show in that room and the CONvergence Main Stage techs are even working to ensure that we’ll be able to communicate between rooms.  If you don’t manage to get into the main room, we’re going to do our best to ensure the overflow room is a great alternative.

Saturday, July 7th

9:30 AM: Geeks Without God Live (Atrium 3)

I still can’t believe we are doing this at 9:30 in the morning.  I’m stupid.

Molly Glover, Nick Glover and I will be recording our debut episode of “Geeks Without God” at CONvergence!  Melissa Kaercher will join us for our first segment wherin we’ll be talking about the religious themes in Prometheus.  For our second segment, we’re hoping to have a representative from the Skepchicks/FreethoughtBlogs contingent to talk about how SkepchickCon got started at CONvergence and how it has grown.

11:00 AM: Where Does your Inspiration Come From? (Atrium 4)

Hosted by Guest of Honor Ruth Thompson, several artists from different media will talk about what inspires us to create whatever the heck we create.

In my case, I imagine it’ll be a question about why I keep writing zombie songs.

Aside from Ruth and myself, the panelists will be Gordon Smuder, David Walbridge and Adam Stemple.

2:00 PM: PowerPoint Karaoke (Atrium 6)

I get to be a guest presenter in this entertaining format where we will be asked to give a talk about a PowerPoint presentation we’ve never seen.  Even if the presenters completely suck, the presentations themselves are hilarious.

Presenters scheduled to appear are me, Joseph Scrimshaw, Sharon Stiteler and Jen Scott.  Judges will be C. Robert Cargill and Guest of Honor Lyda Morehouse.  The slides are put together by Bill Stiteler and Melissa Kaercher.

3:30 PM: Quentin Tarantino: Feminist Filmmaker? (Plaza 1)

This one will be fascinating.  I think there are fair arguments to be made that Tarantino is and is not a feminist filmmaker.  Bill Stiteler, Melissa Kaercher and Windy Bowlsby will join me to discuss this topic.  I’m hoping there will be shouting.

8:30 PM:  Renaissance Festival Music Podcast – Live!

The Dregs will be there to sing a couple of songs and I may be asked to tell some stories about the Festival.  This assumes I remember a good one to tell.

11:30 PM: The Dregs (Harmonic CONvergence)

One of my favorite Dregs gigs of the year.  We’ll be playing Harm Con on Saturday night doing a combination of old favorites and (most likely) something we learned earlier that day.  It’s gonna be a great show but if past years are any indication, you should get there early.

Sunday, July 8th

12:30 PM: Iron Artist (Atrium 6)

The last few years, I’ve been an “artist.”  Last year I was a surly French Beat Poet.  This year, I’m teaming up with Joseph Scrimshaw to write a comedy sketch about the secret ingredient.  Joseph is a lot funnier than I am but he’ll be hung over so that should equalize things just a little bit.

At least I hope so.

Other artists scheduled to appear are Guest of Honor Ruth Thompson, John Kovalic, Melissa Kaercher, Jerry Belich, Christopher Jones and Lou Frank.  They are all very talented.

3:30 PM: One on One with Ruth Thompson (Atrium 2)

Ruth is a Guest of Honor at CONvergence 2012 and I will have the priveledge of interviewing her for the commemorative DVD set.  It’ll be fun to talk with her about her art, her con experiences and whatever else the audience wants to hear.

A nicely low key panel to round out the convention weekend.  Thank goodness.

5:00 PM: Closing Ceremony (Main Stage)

I’m not in this at all.  In fact, the only thing I had to do with Closing Ceremony was helping to conceive the story and assisting with one day of shooting.  You should go to watch the video because it took a lot of people a lot of time and it is very funny.

So if you are, for some reason, having trouble finding me at the con, now you know where I’ll be!