Shit that Pissed me Off This Week – 10/26
Yes, that’s right, let’s discourage people from being seismologists by threatening them with imprisonment if they don’t do a good enough job predicting Earthquakes. You know, because their job is to be perfect about something we know we can’t accurately predict.
And when they get it wrong, we can hold them accountable when people die.
You know, because it makes sense to hold people accountable for an act of nature.
The next time some idiot decides to jump into freezing cold rapids at Yosemite National Park and they die as a result, we should sue the Federal Government because they didn’t give the guy an IQ test at the gate, right?
And they file a lawsuit about it. The organization sponsoring the Yoga classes is non denominational and the classes don’t involve any spiritualism but you know that crazy Yoga comes from India and there aren’t a lot of Christians over there.
Therefore, it is a violation of the separation of church and state!
The group bringing the lawsuit, The National Center for Law & Policy, is explicitly Christian so I’d be interested to learn how often they’ve brought lawsuits to keep Christian faith out of the schools. If the number is greater than zero, it’d be a pretty big shock.
I honestly have no idea what version of the Constitution these folks are reading but I’m going to stick to the real one, thankyouverymuch.
As a comedian, I’m pretty well aware of when someone is trying to make a joke. Here, then, is the “joke” this gentlemen attempted to make:
My impression of the Conference of the Society for Neuroscience in New Orleans. There are thousands of people at the conference and an unusually high concentration of unattractive women. The super model types are completely absent. What is going on? Are unattractive women particularly attracted to neuroscience? Are beautiful women particularly uninterested in the brain? No offense to anyone…
Joke failure point number 1 – as I mentioned last week, if you have to say something like “no offense to anyone,” what you are saying is really fucking offensive. There is no exception to this rule. Either accept that what you are saying is offensive or don’t say it.
Joke failure point number 2 – You ought to know what your joke is about before you tell it. For instance, is he making fun of supermodels for being stupid or smart women for being unattractive? Is it both? I can’t tell. Who is supposed to be laughing at his clever witticism?
Joke failure point number 3 – He says he’s going to do an impression (“my impression of…”) and then he doesn’t do one. Bait and switch man. Bait and switch.
Joke failure point number 4 – The joke isn’t even the least bit funny. This might lead one to conclude that he was actually making a sincere comment about the fact neuroscience doesn’t (apparently) attract hot chicks. I don’t think so, though, I think he was trying to make an absurd statement that would elicit howls of laughter from his Facebook friends.
Instead, he has a bunch of people talking about how he’s a misogynistic jackass.
I’m not one to say that you can’t be a neuroscientist and a comedian. I’m pretty sure it is possible to do both.
I’m also pretty sure this guy is a long way away from getting his own HBO special.
He of course clarified that he didn’t mean that rape was intended by god, only the pregnancies that result from the rape. So that makes everything better.
I don’t understand why the baby is a gift from god but the ability to have a safe medical procedure or take a pill so you don’t have to have the baby isn’t.
Why hasn’t it occurred to anyone that god might be OK with the whole thing? God might not want to force a woman who has been raped to carry a child to term and either go through the mental anguish of giving it up for adoption or the financial and emotional strain of raising a child she wasn’t ready to have.
Why must people believe in a god who is such a dick?
I’m also going to go out on a limb here and suggest white male Republican candidates should shut the fuck up about rape.
America’s richest Birther asked the President to release records that he expects will prove that Obama is not a Real American(TM). I would imagine that the Obama team will decide that this particular gadfly with a bad comb over isn’t worth their time.
I think that’s too bad. There are many charities that could do a lot with 5 million dollars.
Not that I would expect Trump would make the donation. Unless there was a “smoking gun” in the records, Trump would claim they were faked and as a result, he didn’t have to pay.
Here’s an idea, Mr. Trump, if you can afford to put up $5M so Obama will release his transcripts, how about you just fucking donate that money to charity?
Better yet, create an endowment and give 10-20 kids a year a full ride so they can get their own college transcript. I’m pretty sure they’ll be happy to let you see it.
That seems like a much better way to handle things, doesn’t it, Mr. Trump?
Oh wait. I forgot that this has nothing to do with philanthropy and everything to do with getting attention.
Holy shit you guys! Holy shit! This creeps the fuck out of me!
The reason the apple logo is offensive? Because the apple is the forbidden fruit Adam and Eve ate (except it isn’t) and if you use it as your logo you are…um…insulting the church by saying your product is evil. Or it will attract snakes. Or something.
What bothers them so much? Adam and Eve already bit the apple (except it wasn’t an apple). God isn’t going to be more pissed with us if we eat it again, is he? We eat apples all the time anyway (which doesn’t matter because the forbidden fruit wasn’t a fucking apple). Do they think people are going to try to eat the apple logo?
They have suggested Apple change their symbol to a cross. I guess that isn’t as blasphemous. Can they change their start up tune so it sounds more like it was sung by Gregorian monks?
All right, that last part would be pretty cool…
Now, they can’t force Apple to do this, right? Right?
Under new anti-blasphemy laws being considered in Russia (laws that are likely to pass), all the church would have to do is tell Apple that their logo is offensive and Apple would be legally required to change it.
In spite of the fact that the only victim of blasphemy is god. And whether or not god is real, I’m pretty fucking sure god can handle his own affairs when it comes to a glowing apple on the back of several million computers.
But we all know this isn’t about god, right? This is about power. It is about the Russian Orthodox church maintaining a stranglehold over Russian culture by intimidating those who disagree.
This will come down to a battle between the Russian Orthodox Church and the richest company in the world. Even if you’re a PC, you should hope that Apple suits up for this one.
There was a bit of a Twitter war between Vikings punter Chris Kluwe, who has been a vocal opponent of the gay marriage amendment and Andy Parrish, Deputy Campaign Manager for Minnesota for Marriage. In in, Kluwe asked Parrish to debate and this was Parrish’s response:
@ChrisWarcraft I tuned out after your foul mouth tirade. You lost me at “Lustful CockMonster”
You know, I get that Kluwe used harsh language but choosing to avoid a legitimate conversation on the issues because of that language is cowardly. Parrish’s side is represented by people who have openly compared those campaigning against the amendment as Nazis.
Parrish’s may not use terms like “lustful cockmonster” but he does something even more hateful – he uses bullshit arguments to convince people that bigotry is OK. This is from his organization’s own site:
When marriage ceases to have its historic meaning and understanding, over time fewer and fewer people will marry. We will have an inevitable increase in children born out of wedlock, an increase in fatherlessness, a resulting increase if female and child poverty, and a higher incidence of all the documented social ills associated with children being raised in a home without their married biological parents.
Now, he knows there’s no evidence for that, right? There is not a single study that supports this assertion. How could there be given that this would require a long-term analysis of a society that has legalized gay marriage.
Given that the legalization of gay marriage is a relatively recent trend, there is absolutely no way to conduct such a study.
So this shit is just made up homophobic nonsense.
Parrish is avoiding a conversation with someone who is clearly smarter than he is simply because Kluwe swore.
You know, we’re all adults here. I thought that at some point we’d start listening to someone’s arguments rather than getting hung up on their language. Parrish tuned out after Kluwe’s foul mouthed tirade? He was never tuned in!!!!
He doesn’t give a flying fuck what the other side says because he’s never bothered to offer an intelligent response to the valid criticisms of his position. He simply continues to repeat the same tired discredited “facts” in support of his homophobic position.
Saying “cockmonster” does not make Kluwe any less intelligent and being polite doesn’t make Parrish any less of a bigot.