Shit that Pissed me off This Week – 11/9

Pakistani Couple Killed Their Daughter Because She Looked at a Boy

A 15-year-old girl looked at a boy on a motorcycle twice.  Her parents feared she was going to turn out like her older sister who had already “disgraced” the family. She promised she wouldn’t do it again but it was too late because her mother had already thrown acid on her.

The good news is that her parents figure it was her destiny to die like that.  It wasn’t really their fault, you see.  They were just tools of destiny.

It was also apparently her destiny to die because her parents waited almost 12 hours to take her to the hospital after they threw acid on her face.  They would have taken her right away, you see, but it was her destiny to wait.

Let’s be clear: religious fanaticism didn’t kill that girl.

But it sure didn’t help keep her alive, either.

Chris Kluwe is Angered at a Pioneer Press Editorial, Readers Tell Him He Should Stick to Kicking a Football

The Pioneer Press wrote an editorial over the weekend meant to be a “balanced” analysis of the Gay Marriage debate.  It was not.  It was unquestionably biased in support of the amendment.  Kluwe was angry at the dishonesty and has ceased writing his blog for the Pioneer Press.

Of course, in the comments section there are many who agree with him and many who do not.  Many of those who do not choose to make a typically illogical argument against his point of view.  They say he is just a punter and he should shut up and kick the football.

My question to them is this: in what way are they more qualified to comment on the subject than him?  In a society founded on the idea that free speech is a protected right, we all have the right to speak on whatever topic we please.  Who, exactly, is qualified to speak on the subject of gay marriage if Kluwe is not?  I would assume it would just be gay people.  Yet everyone who opposes gay marriage talks about it and they aren’t gay (at least they don’t admit that they are).  Should they, too, stick to what they know?

Shut up about politics, Governor! Talk about what you know! Like cheating on your wife!

I would certainly appreciate it if creationists would shut up about evolution because they aren’t biologists.  If they did, however, I would have to do the same.

Simply put, disagree with Kluwe’s arguments.  Don’t disagree with his right to present them. And certainly don’t suggest that his profession prevents him from having a valid opinion.

In Defeat, Marriage Equality Opponents Still Don’t Get It

I wouldn’t have expected gay marriage opponents to be conciliatory in defeat.  I know I wouldn’t have been had my side lost.

Their rhetoric, though, is still puzzling and infuriating.  Take this quote from the Minnesota Catholic Conference (emphasis mine):

MCC will continue to support and advocate for public policy that best serves all of society, human dignity and the basic rights of children. Marriage needs to be strengthened, not redefined. We look forward to finding ways we can all work together as Minnesotans to strengthen marriage and family life.

Really MCC?  You think that human dignity is best served by continuing to oppose gay marriage?  You think that children’s rights are best served by telling them that their parents are deviants?

Family life is strengthened when we stop believing there is only one right way to have a family.

And hey, MCC, I have an idea.  If you really want to help kids have a better home life, how about you push for more contraception so there are fewer single parents and maybe work on marriage counseling to cut down on divorce rates?

Both of those things would help the kids a lot more than defeating same-sex marriage.

People are Upset Obama Won Because Racism

Hey, I get that we aren’t all on the same ideological page in this country.  I know some very cool and smart people who are conservatives.  I don’t agree with them on several issues but that is fine.  Political discourse is important.

Then you have the folks who are upset Obama won and all they can do is blame it on the color of his skin.  Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, the word “nigger” got thrown around on Twitter like a frisbee.

Not nearly as many people are celebrating that the “honkey” lost. The preferred term appears to be “cracker.”

In case anyone thought racism was dead in this country, this stuff will remind you that it isn’t.  It is very much alive and Obama is a lightning rod for it.

We can look forward to four more years of birther conspiracy theories as well.

Unless Obama starts bleaching his skin like Michael Jackson.  That would shut most of them up.

Ten Commandments Dude is Chief Justice of Alabama Supreme Court. Again.

To recap, this guy put a Ten Commandment monument in the Alabama Supreme Courthouse.  The US Supreme court told him to take it down.  He refused saying, in effect, “you aren’t the boss of me” when, in fact, they were the boss of him.

His obstinacy got him removed from the bench.  Now, ten years on, they voted him back in.  He claims he isn’t going to try to put the commandments back in the courthouse again but one would wonder if he can be trusted to honor any higher court ruling with which he doesn’t happen to agree.

I’m sure that he personally believes god put him on the bench and I think he needs to put that to the test.  He needs to move to New York and run the same campaign.  If he manages to win there, I’ll allow for the possibility that god had something to do with his win.

At least, I will allow it as soon as other religious conservatives start thinking that Obama’s victory is also the work of god.  Because if god works to make sure one guy wins, it logically follows that everyone who won had god on their side.

L.A. Votes to make Porn Actors Wear Condoms

I’m a firm believer in keeping government out of the bedroom.  Even if what people are doing in those bedrooms is being taped and posted on the internet.

That means that porn actors shouldn’t be forced to wear condoms.  Should they wear condoms?  Well yeah, they probably should.  I would imagine there are quite a few STD’s working through the porn industry every day.  I’m surpised people don’t get herpes from watching pornography.

Yet, why should it be mandated that porn actors use protection when nobody else is subject to the same restrictions?  It can’t be for educational purposes. Nobody can argue that porn is educational because anyone who has had actual sex is pretty well aware that it isn’t a whole lot like porn movie sex.

Check out the newest porn star!

The porn industry is, of course, vowing to fight the new mandate and who can blame them?  If their actors are forced to wear condoms, every guy whacking off to their product is going to complain that it doesn’t feel the same.

Mitt Romney’s Concession Speech

Really Mitt?  Is that the best you’ve got?  I’m beginning to think that you really didn’t have a concession speech written on election night.  How else can you explain such an uninspired speech?

Now for those of you thinking “dude – you totally didn’t like Romney – of course you were going to think his concession speech sucked.”

Fair.  But I wasn’t happy with the way McCain ran his campaign four years ago either and I thought his concession speech was fantastic.  Sure, the fact we’d elected a black man was historic and McCain had the first, best opportunity to comment on that historic event.  He did it with grace, poise and eloquence.  It reminded me that McCain was a good man with whom I disagreed.  It made me wish that he’d stood by the principles that made me respect him eight years previous.

Romney’s speech just reminded me why I never felt like he wanted to be President.

Minnesota Votes “No” on the Voter ID Amendment

Wait…what?  I was against this amendment, wasn’t I?

Yeah.  Totally.  I hated the damn thing.

But I’m also a comedian and if the thing had passed, it would have been freakin’ hilarious!

How so?

Well look, the amendment was put on the ballot by a Republican House and Senate and if it passed, it would have been the responsibility of the House and Senate to determine how the amendment would be administered.  Call me nuts but I’m pretty sure they knew exactly what they were going to do and while I’m not a big fan of conspiracy theories, I’m pretty sure the Koch brothers would have had some ideas and the Republicans might have been inclined to listen.  To me, that wasn’t even much of a secret.

Problem is, the Republicans lost both houses in the legislature and that means the Democrats would have been able to create the rules.  I’m guessing that the Koch brothers would not have been consulted.

Oh come on, guys!  Tell me that wouldn’t have been at least a little bit funny.

Michelle Bachmann is Still a Representative

In my darkest most secret dreams, I didn’t believe she would lose.  Crazy Eyes (that’s my wife’s nickname for her and I kinda like it) will be in the House until she decides she has a higher calling.  Like some sort of crazy ass conservative version of “The View” on Fox News with Sarah Palin and Ann Coulter or something.

Honestly, I’d watch that shit.  It would be hypnotic.

I don’t mind that there are Republicans who represent my state in Washington.  What I mind is that there are a lot of Republicans who would rather have a destructive loon represent them.  I mean, I know the loon is the state bird but do we need to have someone in Washington to remind everyone of that?

We all know that had he won, Jim Graves would have been a one term Representative.  The Republicans in the 6th district couldn’t hold their noses and vote her out of there so maybe two years from now they could put somebody sane up for election?

Instead, we are stuck with Bacchmann. Forever.  Crazy Eyes is here to stay.

Crazy Eyes!