Alphabetical Movie – Look Who’s Talking
I think I set a record with the Look Who’s Talking trilogy.
As has happened a few times before, I was gifted this trilogy of films by a friend who enjoys the fact that I’m a stickler for the rules of the Alphabetical movie project. If I own the movie, I will watch it.
Even if I hate it.
So what better way to screw me over than to give me a trilogy of films that get progressively worse until you reach one that is inexplicably awful. How it failed to kill John Travolta’s career (again) is beyond me. Kirstie Alley’s career has always been beyond me.
I’m getting ahead of myself.
One of the very important omissions from the rules is the fact that they say nothing about keeping a movie once I’ve watched it. There is actually no rule stating that I have to keep the film before I watch it either. To give away a horrible movie after someone went through the trouble of gifting it, though, seems pretty unsporting.
So if someone gives me an awful movie that fits the rules, I will watch it.
And then I will get rid of it.
In the case of the Look Who’s Talking trilogy, I actually accelerated my viewing schedule because I knew when I wanted to give it away.
Vilification Tennis does a game show theme every year where we play all sorts of offensive games and give away all sorts of lame prizes. My goal was to watch this unholy trilogy of films in time to give them away to some unsuspecting audience member at the show this year. I managed to finish the last one just two days before the show.
The set up was beautiful. We played “Let’s Make a Deal” with an audience member, whom I will call Mark (anyone fond of confidence games will get that joke). Mark was handed a T-shirt and told he could keep the shirt or he could trade it for what my co-announcer had in his pants pocket or what our lovely model had in a large box.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I knew for absolute certain that Mark was going to go for the box. It was the biggest and therefore had the best prize, right?
No. Because inside that box was a trilogy of movies that I was about to pawn off on someone else. The best part about the whole thing is that Mark was going to think he was getting a good deal when he saw that he could have won a bottle opener. I could see his spirits rise as he waited to find out what pleasure awaited him in the box of wonders.
But the box of wonders was, in fact, a box of deceit and he was left with one OK movie and two very bad ones. And all of them featured way too much Kirstie Alley.
So Mark was duped into going home with a trilogy of movies he didn’t want. He shouldn’t have felt bad about it. It was a trio of movies that nobody wanted. And I’d managed to go from watching them to getting rid of them in less than a week. I’m quite certain that was a record disposal time.
As Mark walked out of the theatre that night, he waved the movies at me and said “what the fuck am I supposed to do with these?”
I smiled back and said “I don’t care!”