Alphabetical Movie – Look Who’s Talking Now

I imagine the pitch for Look Who’s Talking Now went something like this:

“Boys, we need to strike while the iron is hot and get another ‘Look Who’s Talking Film’ into the theatre!”

“Hot, how do you define hot…?”

“Great Idea Sir!”

“Problem is, the kids are growing up.  And Willis won’t sign for less than ten million dollars on anything these days.  How do we keep the voiceover gag.  Do they have another baby?”

“No sir, that’s played out.  We need another angle.”

“What’s your angle Johnson?”

“I’m thinking DOGS, sir!”

“Brilliant!”

“We could have TWO dogs!  And one could be a classy dog.  That would obviously be the bitc….uh….female.”

“I love this!”

“Are you guys even listening to yourselves?”

“Shut up, Wick.”

“Then the other dog could be a dog from the streets.  We could get someone streetwise to voice him.  Like Eddie Murphy.”

“No, that would be racist.”

“How about Danny Devito?”

“Brilliant, Johnson!”

“Are you fucking kidding right now?”

“Ignore him.  Who’s going to voice the bitch?”

“The Female dog, sir?”

“A female dog’s a bitch, right Johnson?”

“Yes, sir.”

“So who’s going to voice The Bitch?”

“Well, Dianne Keaton hasn ‘t had a lot of work since she broke up with Woody Allen…”

“Who?”

“Woody Allen!  He won an Oscar for ‘Annie Hall.'”

“Never heard of him.”

“Never Heard of him?  The guy has been nominated for more Academy Awards than you!”

“Pipe down, Wick!  We’re working here!  So we’ll get that bitch Keaton for the dog. Now, we need to come up with some conflict for Kirstie Travolta and John Travolta!”

“It’s Kirstie Alley, sir.”

“Whatever”

“How about this?  Travolta finally gets a good piloting job with a super rich, super hot blonde lady!”

“I like it!”

“And of course, Kirstie Alley..”

“Who?”

“Kirstie Alley, sir.  She’s the star of the film.”

“Did she voice the little girl in the last one?”

“No sir, she’s plays the mother of the two children.”

“Right!  Right!  Go on!”

“So she gets very jealous because she’s put on a little bit of weight and Travolta is spending all of his time with this hot blonde executive.  Of course he’s not interested in the executive at all.”

“Who’s he interested in?”

“Kirstie Alley, sir.  They’re married, remember?”

“Oh right, right.  That’s very wholesome.”

“Thing is that the hot blonde really does have a thing for John Travolta”

“Well, who wouldn’t, right?”

“This is starting to sound pretty sexist…”

“What do you know about sexism, Wick?”

“So she decides to trick him into driving her out to an isolated cabin on Christmas Eve just so she can seduce him.”

“Love it!”

“Kirstie Alley takes the kids to find him so she can save their marriage but they crash in a snowstorm”

“Holy fuck! Is this a horror movie?”

“Shut up Wick!”

“Then the dogs have to run to get help.  The family is rescued.  Then Travolta rejects his boss’ advances and finds his family.  The two dogs are in love and the entire family is soon going to have puppies.”

“I love it!  A happy ending!”

“A Happy ending?  The dogs are about to have puppies and John Travolta just lost his job.  He was working for a very powerful woman so she’s going to see to it that he’ll never have a decent job again (because that’s what powerful women do to guys who won’t have sex with them I guess) and now Travolta needs to support Alley, his two kids and a bunch of dogs as what – a taxi driver. Also, the female dog belongs to the rich ex-boss.  She didn’t really want the dog but she seems pretty vindictive.  Don’t you think she’s going to accuse Travolta of stealing her dog?  Why don’t we name the movie ‘Look Who’s Bankrupt Now’ because they are going to be bankrupt.  And Travolta will probably be in jail…”

“Wick?”

“Yes, sir?”

“You’re fired!”