Alphabetical Movie – The Lost World: Jurassic Park 2

The central argument being made by Jurassic Park and The Lost World is if we bring dinosaurs back from extinction, they will destroy us.  Humans, we learn, are just too puny to survive the return of the giant lizards and we will become a buffet for T-rex and Velociraptors.

Not being a biologist, I can only speculate that there are gigantic problems with this assumption as the current climate on most of the Earth is not actually compatible with dinosaur physiology.  Sure, Velociraptor infestation would a problem in New York but could they survive the winter?

Science aside, here’s the big problem with this premise:  Who cares?  Dinosaurs!

If a scientist stepped up to a podium tomorrow and said “I can re-create dinosaurs but there are going to be a few problems…” every reporter in the room would miss what came next because they would be envisioning parks where you could saddle up to ride an Apotosaurus, go Pteranadon gliding and feed goats to a T-Rex.

Even as the scientist was describing the fall of modern civilization in gory and horrific detail, we’d all figure that the end result would be something close to the coolest imaginable combination of The Flintstones and 28 days later.

If science actually allowed for us to do the extremely dangerous cool shit we want it to do, we’d do it in a heartbeat.

Time travel is a terrible idea.  Build a time machine, though, and we’ll fuck up history in a week.  Why wouldn’t we?  It’s a time machine!

We’d probably take the time machine back to the Jurassic to pick up a few dinosaurs.  Because the only thing cooler than traveling through time is traveling through time to get a dinosaur.

The central problem here is that humanity is still an adolescent species.  We are still that teenager that rides a skateboard down the roof to bounce off a trampoline.  Sure, we know that the odds are we going to break a limb but if we don’t, it’ll be the most awesome thing ever!

And either way, the video will get twelve million views on Youtube.

In fact, do you want to know why we are never going to be able to clone a dinosaur?

Because if it was possible, we would have done it already.  We went to the moon in a decade because we knew how cool it would be to point at the moon and say “human beings have totally been up there.”

Also something about the Russians.

If we can go to the moon because it sounded like something cool to do, we would have no trouble making a dinosaur.  No number of researcher dino dinners would deter us.  If we were trampled in a Stegosaurus stampede, we’d go down with a smile.

Because DIONSAURS!

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About Petsnakereggie

Geek, movie buff, dad, musician, comedian, atheist, liberal and writer. I also really like Taco flavored Doritos.

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