Shit that Pissed me off – 4/4

Idiot Climbs a Rock, Injures Himself and Sues the City for Creating Unsafe Conditions

This moron is probably going to win, too.

He saw a rock sculpture and thought it looked like a lot of fun to climb around on it.  I don’t blame him.  I would have thought the same thing.  I would need a taser and some bungee cords to stop my kids from climbing on something like that.

DSC03103

Here’s a picture of one of my kids on a rock at Yosemite National Park. There are a lot of rocks at Yosemite National Park and he’s climbed on damn near every one of them.

There were no signs telling him he couldn’t so he jumped on the thing, landed awkwardly and tore his Achilles tendon.  Ouch!

Now he’s suing the city.  Because he did a reckless thing and hurt himself.  Also because he probably has crappy health insurance.

Look dude, if you are going to jump on a rock because it looks like fun, you need to recognize the risks.  If you don’t want to get hurt, don’t jump on the fucking rock.

The only unsafe condition the city created was they one they created when they allowed you to leave your house every morning.

BAD GRAPHS!

Hey Fox news – if you don’t know how to use a graph, don’t use graphs!

Of course, they know exactly how to use graphs.  Like this one that completely misrepresents the gap between the predicted number of ACA enrollees and the actual number (shortly before the deadline):

What did they do wrong?  Something they do very frequently – they fucked with the scale.  Is seven million really three times six million?  I mean in base-10 math?

What is their scale?  They don’t have one!  They just put a couple numbers on a couple of bars!

And they did it on purpose.  Because they want the ACA to be a disaster and if they used a proper scale, it would have looked like the ACA was falling behind projections rather than being a total fucking disaster.  Guess which story they prefer?

Note: they later apologized for their “mistake.”  Because if you call it a mistake, nobody will be able to figure out you did it on purpose but you got caught.

Also, turns out that FOX gloated a little too soon as enrollment actually reached projections.

So the Majority of the Supreme Court Clearly Thinks Money is Free Speech

As the liberals moan that we are witnessing the end of fair elections (yes – I’m a liberal), I’m not quite positive that this week’s Supreme Court ruling will cause as much doom as many fear.  Citizen’s United seems to have already created an easy way for the super rich to engage in widespread influence over our political climate.

Churches already engage in “issue campaigning,” carefully gaming the tax exempt system that says they are not supposed to take part in the political process.  Super PAC contributions can be completely anonymous.  Does this ruling make things all that much worse than they already are?

The rich have so much influence over our lives in so many subtle ways that it seems silly to worry about this ruling making much difference.

But look – you know the ultimate result of all this money? The reason we all – conservatives and liberals – should be angry?  More godawful campaign ads.  The more money that flows into political campaigns, the more all of us have to wade through the spin to figure out the truth.

And most of us are too lazy to do that.  Why do you think FOX news can put up so many bullshit graphs?

I Could Go To Jail In Saudi Arabia Because I Don’t Believe In God

Here’s the thing about blasphemy laws: if your god is all powerful, why the hell does he need your help?

I mean seriously, is god sitting up there in heaven whining about the fact that nasty old atheists like me are making him upset and he can’t do anything about it?

Another atheist doesn’t believe in me. It makes me so sad!  I wish my omnipotence gave me some way to punish them!  Thank ME for the Saudi Arabians!

Blasphemy laws aren’t about protecting god.  That much is obvious.  They protect the government of the country from dissent.  If the government professes a certain religion is the “state” religion, they use that religion to make it harder for citizens to speak for themselves and question their government.

Any time a government limits the rights of it’s citizens to speak their mind on any topic, they are doing so to retain power.  The leaders of Saudi Arabia are crazy rich and they want to stay that way.  This law is meant to preserve their way of life.

Because if there is a god, he, she, or it can take care of themselves thankyouverymuch.

Bison Are Running From Yellowstone National Park Due To Elevated Earthquake Activity!

Holy shit!  The apocalypse is coming!  Super volcano zombie bison!

Like most people, when I look at a report telling me that bison are running from the park, I take it at face value.  I assume it to be true.

Actually, this is what most people do.  I tend to ask “is that really true?”

Nope. Sure isn’t.  The video that everyone is showing is from normal migration patterns that happened long before the recent earthquake in the park.

OH MY GOD THE EARTH AND WILDLIFE ARE BEHAVING EXACTLY AS EXPECTED! WHAT DOES IT MEEEEEEEAN????

It means chill out.

Could we all get wiped out by the Yellowstone super volcano someday?

You bet we could.  And what a shame that will be since it’ll wipe out all those cool geothermal features. Tourism will go way down. But a bunch of bison following normal migration patterns weeks before an earthquake are questionable harbingers of doom.

Did it Have to Storm This Weekend????

I’m usually pretty chill about the weather.  I’ve chosen to live in Minnesota and most of the time I really enjoy winter.  This year, however, winter is finally starting to piss me off.

You may or not be aware that me and my Fearless Comedy compatriots are putting together a fifty hour comedy marathon this weekend.  And this is the weekend the endless winter of 2013-2014 decided to drop another twelve feet of snow on the region.  I can’t tell you how angry this make me.  A very realistic fundraising goal suddenly feels much more difficult.

Another atheist doesn’t believe in me. I think I’ll dump five feet of snow on the mother fucker.

That’s frustrating as hell.  The number of hours that have gone (and will go) into this endeavor are staggering.  Sure, snowstorms in April happen.  But they don’t happen very often.  You’d think an event on the 4th – 6th  of April would run a pretty low fucking risk of getting snowed out.

If you read this blog regularly, do me a favor, go over to dielaughingmarathon.com, click the donate button on the left hand side of the page and donate $10.  We have a goal to meet and this company is a very important thing to me.  It represents a very real step towards being someone who makes a living producing theatre.  More than that, it is a step towards achieving that goal for others.

So don’t let the snow win, OK?  Don’t let the snow win.

I don’t want to be a person who swears at snow.  So help a guy out?

 

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About Petsnakereggie

Geek, movie buff, dad, musician, comedian, atheist, liberal and writer. I also really like Taco flavored Doritos.

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