Shit that Pissed me off – 12/19

Sony Pulls The Interview Then Paramount Pulls Team America

I’m one of a comparatively small number of people who has actually seen The Interview and I’m frustrated because the movie is funny and now it is up in the air if anyone else will ever see it.

When people accuse Sony of cowardice, I think they fail to understand the extent of the hack that was perpetrated against them.  Besides, why put a movie into release if nobody is going to show it?  Remember, the whole idea behind the film industry is to make a profit.  You don’t make a profit if your movie is only showing in five theaters.

Paramount, on the other hand, shouldn’t give a flying fuck about allowing exhibitors to show a film that was released years ago.  I have no idea why they went belly up on this one.  The only theaters showing it were theaters that wanted to show it and didn’t give a crap about terroristic threats that are considered unfounded.  So let ’em show it.  What the hell?

America! Fuck Yeah! Well….fuck maybe….

Anyone out there who thinks terrorism doesn’t work should use this attack as exhibit one.  Whoever did this torpedoed a film.  Two films, really.  The terrorists won this round with a remarkably minimal effort.

And hey, if this is really North Korea getting a stick up its ass about a less than flattering portrayal of their glorious leader, I have a really good idea.  They can make a film about some North Korean journalists trying to kill a US President.

I guarantee that no matter how much effort they put into making Obama look like a buffoon, he still won’t look any worse than the average Tea Partier’s concept of him.

In Missouri, A Lawmaker Wants to Make Sure Women Can’t Get an Abortion Without Consent of the Father

The logic probably goes something like this:  parents should both have input into where a child goes to school so abortion is kind of the same thing.

In the constant fight to erode a woman’s right to make her own medical decisions, this is one of the more insidious.

If you went to this lawmaker and asked him if a husband should have to get his wife’s consent to remove a tumor, he’d say of course not.

But they made this baby together, so that’s different, right? In the sense that a baby is not a tumor, it is different.  In the sense that the baby affects the life and health of the mother far more than that of the father, it is exactly the same thing.

What if the mother is a rape victim and doesn’t know the father?  What if the father is abusive and she can’t go near him for fear of her life?  Hell, what if she got drunk one night and doesn’t remember who she had sex with (which is perfectly OK because it is her body and if she wants to have drunken, anonymous sex, that is her choice)?

Don’t worry, though.  There are exceptions for rape.  As long as it’s legitimate rape, of course.  If it’s legitimate, there would be a police report.  Because there has never been a case of a woman being raped who didn’t report it, right?

Without a police report, she’d just be lying.

You can’t trust those pregnant women.  They’re crafty.

Dick Cheney Really Wants Torture to be OK

In his bullshit tour to refute a Congressional report that finds the US engaged in acts of torture and those acts were actually completely unhelpful when it came to bringing terrorists to justice, Cheney will tell just about any lie imaginable.

Oh, sure.  We totally prosecuted people for waterboarding in WWII but they did other stuff too!  We didn’t really prosecute them for waterboarding.  Besides, what we did wasn’t against the Geneva convention because they weren’t Prisoners of War!  When we said war on terror, we just meant it was an aggressive-act-that-wasn’t-technically-war on terror!

Right now, America is declaring a limited police action on terror! Torture is still on the table!

Cheney is a smart man but he is also, in my opinion, a very mean man.  He is sent to the talk shows because not only does he feel no remorse for the actions of his administration, he is willing to twist the truth to justify any and all of them.

I personally think the religious right is a greater threat to our country than people like Cheney.

But that’s only because Cheney has shown he is far more dangerous to people who aren’t Americans.

Pennsylvania Bar Worker Was Totally Kidding When They Wrote a Racial Slur on a Receipt

Apparently, it was a hilarious misunderstanding as they just happened to glance at his Facebook page where he called himself a “sexy nigga.”

So, you know, since it was on his Facebook page, they could just write it on his receipt and he’d get the joke, right?  Especially because they were complete strangers!

Do most of us spend our entire lives so thoroughly incapable of thinking things through?  I know that I typically avoid writing racial slurs on the receipts of people I’ve never met before.

You really need to get acquainted before you start using racist terminology with your black friends.  Then you’ll all laugh together because we really haven’t learned a god damned thing since the civil war.

Bill Cosby

I haven’t mentioned Cosby in my blog because it is hard to believe that the accusations leveled against him are true.  I mean, I don’t know the guy at all but he just never seemed like the kind of guy who was a serial rapist.

And yet, he really probably is exactly that.

The number of women coming forward with similar stories is too much to ignore.  Are we to assume a coordinated effort to defame someone whose career is almost over?  Were that the goal, why not do it sooner?

Other members of the comedy community have admitted these allegations are not much of a surprise.  His wife has defended him by saying that he is the real victim (thus suggesting all of these women are just fucking liars who want to get Bill Cosby).

But you know, I remember listening to Cosby albums when I was a kid.  The guy was (and is) hilarious.  Now his contributions to comedy will forever be tainted.

Noah’s Ark isn’t funny any more, Bill! Why’d you have to be such a sleazebag?

And you know what?  If he did what he is accused of doing (and he probably did), they should be tainted.

This hasn’t been a good year for comedy.  Not a good year at all.

Sleigh Ride by Fun.

Around this time of year, I always manage to encounter covers of Holiday classics that make my teeth ache.

I think “Sleigh Ride” has been my favorite Christmas song for as long as I’ve known there was such a thing as Christmas songs.  I just think it’s light and bouncy and who doesn’t love a sleigh ride?  Just people with blackened souls, right?

The version by Fun manages to sap all the lightness out of the song and it ends with a 30 second musical bridge that I can only describe as “puzzling.”

Perhaps the song is meant to be listened to stoned with the final sequence from “2001: A Space Odyssey” playing on the television.  The sleigh ride mentioned in the song might be more metaphorical and it involves unicorns and a trip to white castle.

Whenever they make the movie Harold and Kumar Ruin the Holidays by Producing an Album of Shitty Covers of Christmas Music, this will be one of the tracks.