Shit that Pissed Me off – 1/23

The President Lays a SICK BURN on Congressional Republicans

Listen up Congress.

I know that you guys are all supposed to hate each other and I confess I think the Tea Party Republicans are kind of loony.

But here’s the thing, you could at least pay the office of the Presidency a bit of fucking respect.  Someday one of your people will hold that office again.  Do you really want the Democrats to act like a bunch of petulant school children when your guy (I’m just assuming it’ll be a guy) says he’s done running for office?

No lie - I typed "petulant school children" into an image search and this was one of the hits.

No lie – I typed “petulant school children” into an image search and this was one of the images that showed up.

If you can’t learn how to sit on your fucking hands for the fucking State of the Union address, you shouldn’t have applied for the fucking job.

Grow the fuck up.

If you didn’t miss it, that was pretty much what Obama said to you when he slammed the door on you hard.  So quit whining about what he did because you fucking deserved it.

Man do you assholes make me want to say “fuck” a lot!

Curators Damaged King Tut’s Burial Mask

This story is why we can’t have nice things. I mean, mistakes happen.  Even when you are supposed to be taking care of one of the most priceless artifacts in the history of priceless artifacts.

I don’t know jack all about how to restore an ancient burial mask.  I do, however, know a little bit about epoxy.  You’d think that curators at a museum might know just enough about epoxy to keep it off an ancient burial mask.

Apparently they did not.

Now is the time to wish that the curse of Tutankhamen was real.

Asshole Decides to Troll a Baker Who Won’t Write His Homophobic Bullshit on a Cake

What this dude is trying to do is suggest that the baker is just as bad as bakers who refused to bake a wedding cake for two men.  She is discriminating against peaceful Christians who just want to say that homosexuals are horrible.  What’s so bad about that?

Recognize, however, that this horrible discriminating baker did not refuse to make the asshole’s cake.  She just said she wouldn’t decorate it with a homophobic epithet.  She told him she would provide him with the supplies to do it himself.


No.  Bullshit.  Christians aren’t a protected class because no matter what some would have you believe, they are not being persecuted or discriminated against.


Those Romans knew how to persecute. They fed some Christians to the lions but if you were really Christian, they would Crucify you and also set you on fire. Having to decorate your own cake suddenly doesn’t seem so bad, does it?

When you flat out refuse to bake a cake for a gay couple, that is discrimination.  If you say you’ll bake the cake but you won’t write congratulations Bob & Steve on the cake, it really isn’t.

This asshole was looking for a baker to sue so he can try to show how this situation is no different than a good Christian baker who won’t make a cake for a couple of lesbians.

Problem is that it is really different and you have to be kind of stupid to think otherwise.

Dinesh D’Souza Comes up with the Worst Comparison Ever

D’Souza makes a whole lot of anti-Obama films.  That’s fine.  Freedom of speech and all.

This week he exercised his freedom of speech in a particularly moronic way when he compared himself to Martin Luther King, Jr.  Here’s what he tweeted on Monday:

AN INTERESTING PARALLEL: MLK was targeted by J. Edgar Hoover, an unsavory character; I was targeted by the equally unsavory B. Hussein Obama.


I mean…WHAT????

I guess he thinks he was targeted by Obama because he was convicted of a crime (to which he confessed) while Obama was President.  At least that’s what he seems to think. OBAMA IS PERSECUTING ME FOR BREAKING THE LAW!!!

Man, that Obama sounds like a real asshole.

I’m pretty sure D’Souza has an inflated sense of his own self-importance and Obama thinks he’s kind of a clown.  If Obama thinks about him at all.  Which he probably doesn’t because he’s got his hands full with a whole bunch of other shit that is actually important.

This whole thing is as if I had said “An interesting parallel: MLK marched from Selma to Montgomery and I was in marching band in high school!*”

*Full disclosure: I was never in marching band and that’s why my analogy makes so much sense because D’Souza’s claim is filled with just as much bullshit as mine.

Soon, the Wealthiest 1% Will Own More than the Rest of us Combined

So think about this:

Russell Wilson will likely become the highest paid football player with a salary of $20 million a year.

Paul Allen, owner of the Seattle Seahawks, is rich enough that what he’s paying Wilson makes Wilson look like a pauper.  Wilson can buy a Lamborghini.  Allen could buy the company.

And Allen is probably not part of the wealthiest 1%.  Comparatively speaking, he’s not all that rich.

Sure, Mr Allen, your team is in the Super Bowl again. But can you buy Greece?

Sure, Mr Allen, your team is in the Super Bowl again. But can you buy Greece?

So think about that before you get all excited about how well the free market works.

Because it works really well for rich people.  Wealth is really good at one thing: creating more wealth for the people who already have it.

I’m not anti rich person.  I just think we live in a system that is fundamentally broken when power is almost exclusively driven by money and the number of people with enough money to enjoy that kind of power is so tragically limited and is becoming even more limited.

Bobby Jindal has a Gigantic Hard On for “No Go” Zones that Don’t Exist

There are two ways we seem to be going in the wake of the Charlie Hebdo attacks.  Way number one is to talk about free speech and whether or not it should be limited (it shouldn’t).

The other way, which I’m going to call the “crazy as fucking hell” way is to talk about how Muslims are taking over Europe and there are cities in England and France where Sharia law has been enacted and non-Muslims expelled.  Governor of Louisiana Bobby Jindal has elected the second way.

When pressed to name some of these cities or, you know, provide proof of any kind, he declined.  Probably because the claim is total bullshit.

But he’s been making more and more speeches about something that doesn’t exist.  Why?

Because he probably makes a lot of money from Muslim hating right-wing Christians every time he does.

 House Passes an Anti-Abortion Bill

Basically, this bill prevents federal funding for most abortions.  It even denies a tax credit to small businesses that include abortions as part of their health care packages.

This is the party that constantly claims we can’t raise taxes on the wealthy because it will hurt small businesses.

So what are they doing?

Hurting small businesses that want to provide a legal medical procedure to their employees!

Flames on the side of my face

Flames on the side of my face!

Aside from the issues of a woman’s right to privacy – a right all people agree she should have provided there is no chance she might be pregnant, claims to have been raped, or wants to have sex with someone – we have the simple fact that abortion is legal!  I know that they really want it to be illegal but it isn’t.

Once again we have the enforcement of personal morality on someone else’s choice.  The Family Research Council even called it a victory for women because…I guess…women are having trouble producing children when they make the choice to do so? Congratulations, ladies!  You have won the right to do what your body is biologically designed to do already.  Even if you don’t actually want to!

We have to change the dialogue from “what about rape and incest” to “who gives a fuck why she should have an abortion because it’s none of your fucking business now please go back to shrinking Government because that is what you claim you want!”



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About Petsnakereggie

Geek, movie buff, dad, musician, comedian, atheist, liberal and writer. I also really like Taco flavored Doritos.

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