Shit that Pissed me off – 7/10

I was at CONvergence having a wonderful time last week so I apologize that I didn’t post my regular column.  Today, I shall play catch up on a bunch of stupid shit stretching as far back as three weeks.

Football Fans Tell a Player He Shouldn’t Talk about Anything but Football

This happens a lot.  People tell someone they aren’t allowed to have informed opinions about anything except that for which they are most well-known.

In this instance, a white fan from Lacey, Washington, complained that a black football player from Charleston, South Carolina should not have an opinion about racism in the south.  I mean sure, that makes sense.  A white guy in Washington knows a lot more about racism.  

He only lives - like - ten states away from South Carolina! He obviously knows better!

He only lives – like – ten states away from South Carolina! He obviously knows better!

He certainly shouldn’t be subjected the opinion of a black guy from the south.  Unless it’s about football.

The football player in question, Byron Maxwell, was responding to the recent massacre in his home town.  His home town!

How entitled do you have to be to look at comments like that and think “I don’t want to hear the opinions of that guy because I know what’s going on way better than he does?”

Think we Fixed Afghanistan? Think Again

If you are a girl in Afghanistan and you want to go to school, there are a few obstacles you might face.

Most troubling of those is the Islamic fundamentalists who will throw acid in your face if you don’t stay home.

I’m a comedy guy.  I try to make things funny.

But there is nothing funny about this.  Every day in Afghanistan, girls are being mutilated because they want to learn something.

How is this kind of thing part of any god’s plan?

I’m no expert on the Koran but I just did a Google search for “Koran Acid on Girl’s Face” and can’t seem to find any relevant passages.  Anyone else?

You can Buy GMO-Free Water

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, you can buy water that is helpfully labelled GMO free!

I mean, all water is GMO free because you can’t really genetically modify water.  Because, you know, water doesn’t have genes.  I suppose there are tiny microorganisms in the water and you could genetically modify those if you wanted to.  But the water would still be GMO free.

Boy is it hard to find non GMO water!

Boy is it hard to find non GMO water!

The purveyors of this fine water know this.  What they are counting on is the fact that consumers don’t know and will buy their product instead of some other brand of bottled water in order to save the planet.

The sad fact is this assumption is absolutely true.

You Read My Blog and You Haven’t Supported the Vermin Kickstarter Yet!

Almost every week, you get annoyed along with me and yet you haven’t clicked on the link above and pledged to support this project?  What kind of monster are you?

Is it possible you didn’t know it existed?  At one time, perhaps, but not any longer!

Is it possible you have, in fact, already made a pledge? I DO NOT ACCEPT EXCUSES!

If you have not supported the Kickstarter, it is because Monsanto is controlling your brain with GMO infested water.

Thank you for your patience in reading my shameless plug.  Back to my regularly scheduled blog post.

Turns out the Nice Christian Bakers who Refused to Cater a Lesbian Wedding were Actually Assholes

The religious freedom narrative is compelling.  I mean, people are losing business because of their beliefs!  That just isn’t fair!

I mean, sure, it’s actually fair.  If you treat other people like garbage, they will probably say something about it and when they say something about it, you might lose business.

This is the result of being a dick to people.

keep-calm-and-stop-being-a-dick-4

But the nice Christian bakers were so polite to this lesbian couple!

No, they weren’t.  In fact, they spouted bible verses at these two women when they refused to bake a cake.  And they doxxed the couple when the court case was filed.

They weren’t nice at all.  They were dicks.

In America, you are free to be a dick.  You are not free from the consequences of that choice.

Speaking of Religious Freedom, A Bunch of Catholics Got Together To Make a Video about Being Persecuted!

In the wake of the Supreme Court Doing the Right Thing (TM), a bunch of Catholic Bigots decided to make a video in which they cried and talked about how hard it is to be someone who disapproves of same-sex relationships.

I feel bad for them because until recently, it was really easy.  Everybody was doing it.  Same-sex couples knew exactly how these poor, weeping Catholics felt.

People openly could (and did) tell same-sex couples that they were going to hell without fear of being called homophobes or bigots.  It was a happier, simpler time.  A time when you could be an asshole and it was OK.

Now, being an asshole sucks.  No wonder they’re sad.

Idaho Republicans Want The Bible to be a Science Textbook

Maybe not a textbook.  But they do want it to be permissible to use the Bible as a reference.

I presume if the law passed, it would mean Christian kids could just cite Biblical passages in their bullshit Biology papers.  They can say their research is supported by Genesis because it is an acceptable reference.

It seems like a lot of people are worried about the Bible.  They are worried that if they use the Bible to study science, other people might persecute them for ignoring actual scientific evidence.

I know this looks like it took millions of years but the Bible says it was just magic!  Q.E.D.

I know this looks like it took millions of years to make the grand canyon but the Bible says it was just magic! Q.E.D.

Don’t we understand that the revealed word of god is scientific evidence?

A couple of Bible verses just completely do away with carbon dating information.  Retelling the story of Noah’s Ark can explain dinosaurs.

If High School science teachers can’t figure that out on their own, we need to legislate that shit!

At least they aren’t throwing acid at the science teachers.  I guess that’s something.

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About Petsnakereggie

Geek, movie buff, dad, musician, comedian, atheist, liberal and writer. I also really like Taco flavored Doritos.

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