Shit that Pissed me Off – 2/5

Ted Cruz Delivers Backhanded Apology to CNN After He Misrepresented Something They Reported

I confess I’ve been spending a lot of time covering the Trump campaign here.  I do so because he’s a complete tool.

But I’ve really been unfair to the other complete tools who comprise the bulk of the Republican Presidential field.  Like Ted Cruz.

Fortunately for Cruz, he won the Iowa caucus on Monday and that means he can now step into the limelight!

And step into it he did when he blamed CNN for reporting that Ben Carson was dropping out of the race.  In fact, Carson was just going home to Florida for a few days.  Which is exactly what CNN reported.

When the Cruz camp got called out for misstating the information, they blamed it on CNN.  CNN responded by effectively saying “fuck you – we never said or even implied he was dropping out of the race.  Here’s the record of what we said you idiot.”

Dracula just dropped the mic. DRACULA JUST DROPPED THE MIC!!!

Cruz responded by magnanimously saying that CNN had, “surprisingly” gotten it right. Backhanded compliment for win!

Actually, he said “miracles happen.”  Ha ha.

What’s really funny is that Cruz’s apology still got it wrong. He claimed CNN said Carson was not carrying on to New Hampshire and South Carolina.

Except they never claimed that.  They said was going home to Florida first.

You know what, I-hope-to-never-call-you President Cruz? If you are going to make fun of a news organization for misreporting the news, it doesn’t help if you misreport what they said.

Let’s Be Clear, Though, Donald Trump is Still a Tool

Along with all of his other faults, Trump can now add “sore loser.”  In wake of Cruz’s victory in Iowa, Trump took to Twitter to accuse Cruz of fraud and suggest the results in Iowa be vacated.

I’m not going to say that Cruz didn’t engage in dirty politics because he certainly did.

His people probably completely understood the CNN report and spun it anyway because they knew their followers would totally buy the “liberal media screwed us” angle.  And his “Voter Violation” mailers may or may not have been illegal but they were pretty unethical.

But I don’t see how Trump is going to rebound from a surprising defeat by throwing a tantrum like a petulant child.

In his defense, it must be pointed out that Trump is incapable of doing anything without looking like a petulant child.

Phoenix City Council Opts for Moment of Silence Rather than Letting the Satanic Temple do an Invocation

Follow the link to read the account of the council meeting.  It’s pretty epic.

Council members called the Satanic Temple a “cult” and a “hate group” as they railed against the right of the group to give an invocation.  At the same time, they were trapped by the fact that they wanted to offer an invocation.  Apparently it hadn’t occurred to them that having a Christian invocation at any council meeting meant they had to make room for any kind of invocation.

So when they realized the Satanic Temple had gotten on the rotation, they freaked the fuck right out and held a council meeting to figure out how to stop it.  Because “Satanic” is one of those words that scares the fuck out of people who don’t do research.

Did someone say Satan???

What amazes me about this whole thing is the simple fact that had they just let the invocation happen, it would already be over and it probably wouldn’t have been so bad.  They could have shifted uncomfortably in their seats and tithed a little extra to their church and then made important decisions about sanitation and parade routes.

Instead, they opted to do away with invocations all together and instill a moment of silence at the beginning of every meeting.

I hope they use that moment to reflect on all the time they wasted being reactionist tools.

“One Million” Moms Adds Another TV Show to the List of Shows I don’t Have Time to Watch

Look, ladies who number nowhere near one million (and probably aren’t all ladies), I am already behind on watching a bunch of shows.  I still haven’t even cracked into “Jessica Jones.”

Now you are upset about the show “Lucifer,” which I’ve never watched and I’m willing to bet you haven’t watched either.  It could be a good show.

But now I have to find time to watch it on principle.  Just because you hate it so goddamn much.

My problem with you ladies (aside from your unapologetic homophobia) is your insistence that anything you don’t like should go away.  It is as if you don’t believe people have a choice to watch something.

You believe FOX is forcing people all over America to watch a TV show about the devil.  Except me.  Because I’ve never watched it.

And you.  Because you’ve probably never watched it either.  But if you did watch it, it was because you chose to watch it.

You don’t have a problem with free will when you talk about why bad things happen to good people.  But you have a problem with free will when it comes to letting other people watch a fucking TV show.

The CDC Tells Women they Shouldn’t Drink.  Like Ever.  Because Babies.

This one is really baffling.  The CDC came out with warnings about drinking during pregnancy, which can be really bad.

But then they also said drinking when you aren’t pregnant can be bad because you could get pregnant.

Now I assume they mean that drunk people often act in stupid and irresponsible ways.  Which is true.  However, the last I checked, there is no amount of wine that will impregnate you.

Maybe if you put the wine into a turkey baster…too far?

I love the graphic they produced.  It tells you how much drinking is too much and one of the things they tell you is that any drinking is too much for women under 21.  I have to assume that is because it is illegal and not because there is any compelling biological reason to pick the age of 21.

Oh, drinking also causes STD’s and violence.

The problem with this campaign is that the core warning is good – excessive drinking can result in unintended consequences.  But the approach (centered on women) is completely wrong.  Don’t tell women not to drink.  Tell them to be careful when they drink.  Tell them to make sure they are around responsible people when they drink.

Don’t tell them drinking might get them pregnant.  Because it is a claim that is demonstrably false.

I wonder if the CDC will be warning men that drinking too much will result in unintended child support payments?