Shit that Pissed me Off – 2/12

Dallas Judge Says He Will Not Perform Same-Sex Marriages Due to Religious Objection

I literally have no problem with a religious leader refusing to perform same-sex marriages.  I mean, I do because it is time to realize that love is love and the God you believe in is a homophobic jackass.  But they have a right to make those calls based on their interpretation of the Bible or Koran or whatever.

A judge is elected to perform a legal job and part of that job is marrying people.  As prescribed by law.  Which he is supposed to fucking uphold.  Impartially.

If you want to be a judge who isn’t impartial, you need to climb the food chain.  Like this dude.

He claims the state Attorney General gave him permission to make this call based on an opinion that suggests he doesn’t have to perform the ceremony if there is someone else who can do it.  However, he is still practicing discrimination because he’s totally cool with performing “traditional” marriages.

I call bullshit.  Just do your fucking job.  If you don’t want to perform the “wrong” kind of marriage, don’t do them at all.

9-Year-Old Drives Drunk Parents Home

I’m not sure what to think here.  I mean, on one hand you have two adults letting a nine year old drive a truck.

On the other hand, they didn’t drive drunk.  So…good for them?

Except they were falling down drunk around a nine-year old.  They were so drunk, the nine-year old must have realized she had a better chance of getting home alive if she drove.  High praise for the kid but not so much for the adults.

And I use that term loosely.

Vatican Tells Catholic Bishops They are “Not Necessarily” Obligated to Report Abuse

Pope Francis is really trying to get the church in line when it comes to child abuse.  I commend him for that.

I think there’s a problem, though, when an official Vatican communication on the subject is wishy-washy when it comes to reporting abuse.  Their official document says Bishops are “not necessarily” required to report abusive priests to authority.

What was that, now?

That’s really not how I would have put it.

Were I involved in drafting such a document, it would say “child abuse is illegal.  As a representative of the Church and a caring human being, your first and only responsibility is to the child and not the priest engaging in abuse.  He’s a horrible excuse for a man of god and not only should you report him to the authorities, he should no longer be a member of the clergy.  Holy shit, we can’t believe we even have to spell this out for you!  What kind of amoral asshole would even question the right thing to do in this situation?  Turn the fucker in.  Get the kid some help.  Any other course of action is unacceptable.”

I’ll let Francis work on the language.  He may want to add a Biblical verse or something.

West Virginia Clerk Proselytizes to a Lesbian Couple

I want to give credit to the deeply judgmental religious clerk – she issued the marriage license.

The couple claims she did so while screaming at them that they were an “abomination.”  She claims she was not yelling and was telling them very calmly that they were damned.

What shocks me is how she thinks her version of the story makes her look better.

If a Conservative Orthodox Jew calmly lectured her on how she needed to keep herself covered, would she think that was OK?  Or would she think that was an intrusion because his religious belief shouldn’t have any bearing on how she chooses to live her life?

Who cares if she was yelling?  She, like judge “religious objection” from Dallas, has a job to do.

She shouldn’t be telling people her opinion of their life choices.  Any more than a clerk at the DMV should be telling me what they think of the shirt I chose to wear in my Driver’s license picture.

I deliver Chinese food for a living.  We have fried rice that I think is pretty good.  It is our top-selling product.

So when people order nothing but white rice I think “dude – you wanted to save $20 so now you have a big pan of rice that is going to be half there when the lunch is over.  And do you really want to listen to everyone asking ‘hey – where’s the fried rice?'”

I think that.

I don’t say that.

Because the dude ordered white rice.  And it’s his life and his money and my job is to deliver the fucking white rice.  If I don’t like delivering white rice to dummies who should have ordered fried rice, I need to get a different job.

This clerk just needed to deliver the fucking marriage license.  Whatever problems she had with that job should have been kept to herself.

This Week’s Meme That Pissed me Off

Too many of my memes that piss me off are about abortion.  Because the anti-abortion memes are stupid.

Apparently, Andrea Bocelli did say this.  But he said it in Italian so it was so much sexier.

Points to this meme for not making up a bullshit quote.

However, what the hell kind of shit ass doctors encourage a mother to abort her child because they put ice on her stomach?  Is this story even real?

I mean, she probably actually had appendicitis.  Possibly even while she was pregnant.  I’m also fairly certain Andrea Bocelli has a mother and he is her child.

The rest of the story is sketchy.

But OK, pro-life folks, let’s play your game.  But we are going to play for all the marbles.

What if Josef Stalin’s mother had aborted him?

Shane Company Radio Commercials

If you aren’t in Minnesota, you haven’t heard these commercials.  Or if you never listen to commercial radio, you haven’t heard them.  Lucky you.  I can’t find any to link to so you should consider yourself lucky.

Let me explain what happens.  A guy calls Tom Shane, who runs Shane Company.  They sell jewelry.

Tom Shane, by the way, has the most annoying voice ever.  It’s like Gene Hackman crossed with Dustin Hoffman an adult from a Charlie Brown TV show crossed with a Duck call trying to sell used cars.  Every time he says the word “sparkle,” I want to put my foot through the radio speakers.

OK, back to the ads. In each ad, a guy calls Tom Shane and tells Tom what he’s giving his girlfriend for Valentine’s day (or Christmas).  It’s always something dumb.  Like love coupons.  Tom says “hey, let’s see what your girlfriend/wife thinks, I have them on the other line.”  Because he’s a totally deceitful douchebag.

And the guy freaks out because apparently he is completely aware that his gift plan is unspeakably lame.

So this leaves us with a guy who is either A) stupid or B) A complete asshole.

At first he seems stupid.

Really dumbass?  You want to give your girlfriend love coupons?  Basically, you are telling your girlfriend that she gets to fuck you for Valentine’s day.  And since you are giving her coupons, she can totally fuck you more than once. Maybe one time she’ll get breakfast in bed before she gets to fuck you. Lucky her.

Look at how many times your boyfriend is willing to have you let him fuck you, ladies!

So he sounds stupid.  And cheap.

But then Tom tells him that his girlfriend is listening and he’s like “oh no!”

Which means he’s an asshole because he knew love coupons were a stupid fucking gift.  But he was going to give them to her anyway before Tom was thoughtful enough to trick him into telling her what he was going to do.

So what does it turn out she wants?

You guessed it! Jewelry!

Because that is the only thing girls could possibly want.

So these commercials are double plus sexist because it makes guys out to be complete selfish asshole morons and women out to believe that the true measure of romance is what kind of rock she gets on February 14th.

No stupid radio boyfriend, not that kind of rock.

Especially when you consider that some of the gifts aren’t so bad.  One dude says he’s going to give his girlfriend center ice hockey tickets.  This is Minnesota for fuck’s sake.  I know a lot of women who would freak out over center ice hockey tickets.  Maybe not for the Wild right now but they are totally going to turn it around.

The girl in the radio commercial doesn’t like hockey, though.  She hates hockey.  And sure, if your girlfriend hates hockey tickets, they are a suck ass Valentine’s day present.

But they don’t have to be. So why make girls who like hockey out to be the exception?

Another guy was going to buy his wife a blender for Christmas.  Sounds like a total dick move? Unless his wife likes to cook.  I understand a lot of people like to cook.

The commercials are filled with dudes who should be dumped by their girlfriends because they don’t seem to have any awareness of what their girlfriends like.  Nor do they give a shit.

They just want to give their girlfriends permission to fuck them.

Thank goodness Tom Shane is there to save that relationship.