Shit that Pissed me Off – 1/5

It is a new year and late last year, I had trouble putting this column out every week. I’m going to do better this year but I have to tell you, this shit is hard.

It isn’t hard to write but when the White House is such an amazing shit show, things get a little tiring. I could write 1000 words about the asshole in the oval office every single week but I just hate even thinking about the guy.

So for the folks who look forward to my weekly rants, I’m sorry they’ve been so inconsistent. Let’s just start with the dick in the White House, shall we?

Donald Trump Responds to a Threat from North Korea by Making a Dick Joke

Does it bother anyone else that the most mature person in an exchange is Kim Jong Un? I don’t want to speak out for the guy who is the head of a recklessly oppressive regime that seems more interested in developing a nuclear bomb than they do in feeding their own people.

But when he rattled his saber, at least he didn’t do so by referencing his dick size.

Trump pointed out that Un is an oppressive leader by observing he has a “depleted and food starved regime” which, for once, was accurate. Then he proceeded to point out that he had a much larger dick nuclear button than Un.

I mean, maybe Trump and Un regularly exchange dick nuclear button pics so he has some knowledge of their comparative size.

It’s also a really bad analogy. This doesn’t look anything like a penis.

Thing is, we need to remember that our President is a sexual predator.  He is always thinking about his penis.  It is the central obsession of his life.

When he makes a tax proposal, he is thinking about how it will affect his penis. When he appoints a justice to the supreme court, he is thinking about his penis.  Making a dick nuclear button joke on Twitter is one of the most honest things he’s ever done because he is pointing out that when he thinks about nuclear war, he’s thinking about his penis.

He sends unsolicited dick pics to himself. And he likes it.

Three more years (oh please) of this asshole.

Jeff Sessions Ends Obama Era Policy Regarding Legalized Marijuana

As I’m sure you are no doubt aware, several US states have legalized the use of pot for recreational purposes. The result of this change has been increased tax revenues, decreased law enforcement expenses, and skyrocketing snack sales.

Also, apparently, a lot of people are getting high. It might be more people than before but since smoking pot used to be illegal, we don’t really know for sure.

Thing is, a lot of drug laws are federal so even though you can legally sell and use pot in Colorado, you actually kind of can’t.

The Obama administration decided “fuck it – why should we spend a bunch of money on this stuff” and basically told Federal prosecutors to lay off. Concentrate on other stuff that seems more important, they said, like prosecuting terrorists and people selling illegal drugs like cocaine and heroin.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions, however, is tough on crime! He has stepped up and reversed the Obama era directive. He wants federal prosecutors to send more marijuana users and sellers to jail!

I don’t know how this is going to go down. Maybe all these pot dispensers will be shut down. Maybe the first case will go to the Supreme Court and the Court will say “um…the states can do what they want” or they will say “DEATH PENALTY FOR ANYONE WHO GETS CAUGHT USING POT AND INHALES!”

Thing is – I though the Republican party believed in state’s rights. These states have said “we want legalized marijuana.” So doesn’t that mean the Republican party should lay off?

Or does it mean the party cares about state’s rights unless they don’t approve?

Last Jedi Hate

Let’s be clear here – this is not an invitation for you to tell me what you didn’t like about The Last Jedi. Any time I say “I liked this about The Last Jedi,” it seems to be an invitation for someone to say “let me tell you what I didn’t like about The Last Jedi.”

Having read several pro and anti articles about the film, let me say this:

I understand why you didn’t like The Last Jedi and I don’t agree with you.

You will say nice things about Porgs or I WILL CUT YOU!

I mean, I agree that you didn’t like the film. I don’t agree with your criticisms. I think they are wrong. And I’m tired of hearing them. It’s like the most important fan debate right now is who is going to win the “is this a good movie or not” conversation.

Most of us have moved on and started our countdown to Avengers: Infinity War but there is a small minority who needs to make sure everyone knows how disappointed they were with The Last Jedi.

And it is pissing me off because we have a complete fuckwit in the Oval office and what is really important to people is making sure that people who liked a movie know why they didn’t.  You don’t have to like a movie I liked. But for fuck’s sake – could you stop telling me so?

Roy Moore Never Conceded

On December 28th, Democrat Doug Jones was certified as the winner of the Alabama Senate special election.

His opponent, religious ideologue and sexual predator Roy Moore, never conceded. Instead, he filed a lawsuit claiming voter fraud in spite of the fact there was actually zero evidence of voter fraud.  Having been the head of the Alabama supreme court at one time, you would think Moore would consider having evidence an important part of any lawsuit.

I guess it is only important in elections Moore has won.

Thing is, if Doug Jones had lost, he would have conceded. Because Doug Jones is classy. At least he is classier than Roy Moore.

Moore will never concede. And in a few years he’ll be a footnote nobody gives a shit about as some new Republican beats Doug Jones because he’s a Democrat in the state of Alabama and the only reason he won is because Roy Moore is just too horrible.

But Moore pisses me off because for once in his life, he could have been classy and just said “you know what? I lost.”

But he didn’t. Not even when he had one final chance to not be an asshole.

Fuck that guy.


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About Petsnakereggie

Geek, movie buff, dad, musician, comedian, atheist, liberal and writer. I also really like Taco flavored Doritos.

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