Alphabetical Movie – License to Kill
I liked Timothy Dalton as Bond.
There. I said it. I realize that I’m going to catch hell for it but a guy has to be honest. I think that Dalton got a bad rap as Bond.
I’m not talking about the movies he was in, by the way. While I like both of them and I think they are certainly better than the worst Bond films (almost all of which starred an aging Roger Moore), they are both mediocre at best.
Nor would I say Dalton is the best Bond. I’d give that distinction to either Connery or (depending on how the next movie turns out) Daniel Craig.
Right now, though, I ‘m just talking about how Timothy Dalton played Bond . I loved what he brought to the role.
Alphabetical Movie – Lethal Weapon I, II & III
Some sequels are merely terrible. Other sequels are so awful, their name should not be spoken because their mere existence makes the rest of the franchise look bad.
When is the last time, for instance, that you had a meaningful conversation about Beverly Hills Cop III? What’s that? You didn’t even know there was a Beverly Hills Cop III? That’s because nobody ever talks about it.
It is easy to note that I watched three Lethal Weapon films when there are, in fact, four. The first three films are an exercise in increasing laziness that manages to be entertaining anway. Every one of them involves Murtaugh and Riggs stumbling across a major drug ring and bringing it down while Murtaugh continues to insist he is too old for this shit.
They add a new character in each film and if the character is successful, they add more in the next one. Joe Pesci is around just enough to be interesting in Lethal Weapon II, they give him a bigger role in Lethal Weapon III. Then they mix Renee Russo into the story in Lethal Weapon III.
And then comes the moment when they make the fatal decision to make Lethal Weapon IV and the whole thing goes to hell.
Alphabetical Movie – Leon: The Professional
It’s interesting how badly we want our hit men to be heroes.
Leon is a genuinely good guy, right? Sure. He’s a good guy who kills people. For a living.
What we love him for is the fact he’s so bloody good at it. He can even teach a twelve-year-old girl how to be good at it.
But he’s still a guy who gets paid to kill people.
Alphabetical Movie – Legally Blonde
Some movies are so surprisingly good, you believe that the sequel simply can’t help but be good as well. In spite of all evidence that most sequels are not as good as the original movie, you simply feel that the charm of the original film will rub off on what is, at heart, an attempt to squeeze more cash out of a popular film.
One has to understand that nobody makes Friday the 13th, Part 34 thinking that they are about to add some heretofore missing depth to the franchise. They do it because they believe they will make more money off a stuntman in a hockey mask and a couple of oil barrels full of fake blood.
So when Legally Blonde II turned out to be a nearly unwatchable piece of trash, nobody should be surprised. As much as we might have thought that the artistic integrity of the original film would not be compromised, we all should have known that in all likelihood, Elle was going to have to screw shit up again before we were once again shown that she wasn’t just a pretty face. She was a bright young lady and a gifted legal mind.
I mean, we thought that at the end of the last movie but hey, that was law school. Being a real lawyer is totally different so it makes perfect sense the same thing would happen to the same girl. Two steps forward, one step back. Right?
Alphabetical Movie – Left Behind
Left Behind requires no suspension of disbelief because it expects that you already believe. There can be no other explanation for the film. If you haven’t already been brainwashed into accepting the kooky concept of rapture, this movie is not going to convince you that it is anything but kooky.
The god of the rapture is a dick. I would enjoy having a debate with anyone who thinks otherwise and I would use this movie as an example.
Let’s look at a few examples taken right out of Left Behind, shall we?
Alphabetical Movie – Lawrence of Arabia
Some movies just need to be seen in a movie theatre.
As home video becomes more and more prevalent, it is hard to understand that movies are movies for a reason. Yes, I love watching films on my video screen at home.
But that experience is an entirely different one from watching a film projected on the big screen.
If you haven’t seen Lawrence of Arabia in 70mm, for instance, you haven’t really seen it at all.
In one remarkable shot, the camera simply focuses on the desert. The shot is held for a long time and nothing changes. Slowly, a figure becomes apparent in the distance and the shot is held as that figure grows.
Alphabetical Movie – Last Train from Gun Hill
Kirk Douglas, guys. Just look at the guy!
No, motherfuckers. I’M Spartacus!
He’s a manly man if ever there was a manly man! The dude is almost 100 and has had a stroke and he still could kick my ass. Of course, I’m pretty sure my eight year old could kick my ass.
Don’t tell him that….
Alphabetical Movie – Last Action Hero
Last Action Hero is a film that, depending on who you ask, is either an expensive failure or far better than people think. In geek circles, it is one of those movies that typically inspires lengthy tirades about how the movie is misunderstood and how the critics were idiots and how the movie is actually brilliant.
And when it comes to the critical savaging the film received, I’m in general agreement that they blew it. The movie wasn’t as bad as all that. It isn’t that bad at all. In fact it is, at times, very good.
I’d stop short of calling it brilliant.
Alphabetical Movie – Ladyhawke
I like Ladyhawke but it is hampered by one of the worst movie trends of the 1980’s.
I’m talking, of course, about the 80’s synthtrack.
Bad in the best of films, having pulsing 80’s synthesizer music play over a medieval fantasy love story is just about as painful as the re-tuned version of “Losing my Religion.”
Alphabetical Movie – The Lady Vanishes
Most of The Lady Vanishes takes place on a train and it got me wondering – what is it with trains in movies?
Alfred Hitchcock, we know, had a thing for trains. I suppose that is to be expected given that he comes from Europe, where people actually ride trains. He was so enamored with trains, he even made Strangers on a Train. We won’t even talk about the train going into the tunnel at the end of North by Northwest.
Except I just did.
Grail Diary 