Alphabetical Movie – Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted
Those who have been following my Alphabetical Movie Blog closely might have noticed that I’m writing about Madagascar 3 without having taken the time to write about the two films that, presumably, preceded it.
Thing is, I don’t own either one of them. The rules of the project clearly dictate that I’m only watching movies I own. It just so happens that the only movie I own in the Madagascar trilogy is the most recent.
I think that the explanation is simple. Here it is:
I don’t own the other two Madagascar films because I think they are OK. And my kids think they are OK. We simply haven’t had any pressing need to pick up a copy of either one of them.
That Circus Afro song, though. That constitutes a “pressing need.”
If you would like me to explain why I cannot get enough of a fifteen second song sung by Chris Rock voicing a polka dotted zebra, I have no words. It is, simply, an absurd moment that fills me with primal glee.
My admission should not be taken as some sort of shame. I’m not the only person who was totally gaga over a fifteen second joke in a 90 minute movie. Once the film was released, they made a new trailer that basically acknowledged the fact there was a subset of their audience that was interested in only one thing.
Because I have kids, I’ve seen most of the “kid” movies in my house multiple times, even if it is just in the background. So it is with this film. I know there are other parts to the movie and yet I can’t remember them because they are eclipsed by a gigantic rainbow colored clown wig.
I love it even though it was the only song my children sang for at least a week after we saw the film on initial release. Generally, that behavior makes me want to find every copy of the song in existence and smash it with a hammer.
Yes, I believe there is a way to smash an iTunes version of a song with a hammer.
But something almost sinister happened with this particular snippet of music. I wanted to sing along with my kids.
Look, there are very few movies that I can recall scene for scene. The best movies have slow points. And movies I love more than anything might get re-watched once a year at most. I may not be able to recall most of Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted but the truth is, I like it enough that I’m willing to watch the rest of the movie for that moment.
It isn’t even that a singing zebra clown is the funniest thing ever featured in an animated film.
But it is silly and absurd and (if you haven’t seen the trailer) unexpected. It stays with you and makes you like the rest of the film just a little bit more.
There are few enough scenes like that in any movie. Don’t judge me for enjoying that scene in this movie.
Oscar Predictions
Today the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will be handing out the Oscars to the actors, directors, producers and technicians who managed to score the most votes in a variety of categories. At home, non professionals like me will be spending most of the evening trying to figure out the difference between Sound Editing and Sound Mixing and looking up plot synopses for the movies we haven’t heard of (which is pretty much all of them).
Who will win? I don’t really care and neither do you. So I’m not going to predict the winners of this year’s ceremony. Instead, I’m going to make some other, more daring predictions:
At least three jokes will be made about the fact Meryl Streep gets nominated all the time. At least one of those jokes will be structured as follows: “But Hollywood didn’t produce all great films this year. We all know that (some crappy film) failed to connect with audiences this year. That didn’t stop Meryl Streep from getting nominated for her performance as a crippled dog trainer with a crack cocaine addiction.”
After these jokes are made, the camera will cut to Streep laughing approvingly and clapping her hands in order to avoid every other actress in the auditorium mouthing the words “I hate her so much.”
Alphabetical Movie – Lover Come Back
Lover Come Back is a perfect example of 60’s feminism viewed through the lens of Hollywood Producers who were, unfortunately, men.
Which means they had no idea what the hell they were doing.
The story involves a man (Rock Hudson), who is a sexist jackass and a woman (Doris Day) who dislikes him because he’s a sexist jackass. So he behaves like the “perfect man” for her and she falls for him.
Day plays a competent advertising executive and Hudson plays a far less competent one who has the important skill of knowing how to make other guys happy. He doesn’t have to put together the best campaign because he gets his clients drunk and laid.
Fortunately, it’s the sixties so all of his clients are men. His plans work perfectly.
So she’s competent but has to work twice as hard as he does just to get ahead. He’s pretty much a complete tool but is successful because he works in an industry (advertising) where being a tool is a benefit. That’s something we’ve all learned from “Mad Men.”
Alphabetical Movie – Love Actually
I know there is wild disagreement about Love Actually.
A lot of people find it funny, romantic and charming. Others find it cloying, sexist and offensive.
I’m not going to wade into that debate because like or hate Love Actually, the film has resulted in the most sinister of conceivable side effects.
I’m talking about Valentine’s Day. And New Year’s Eve. I’m talking about every film that uses a holiday to create a romantic melting pot of celebrities being adorable. These films are the bastard children of Love Actually and they keep popping up every year in a sad attempt to do what someone else already did better.
To call these films forgettable feels like a complement. They don’t deserve enough time to be forgotten.
Alphabetical Movie – The Lost World: Jurassic Park 2
The central argument being made by Jurassic Park and The Lost World is if we bring dinosaurs back from extinction, they will destroy us. Humans, we learn, are just too puny to survive the return of the giant lizards and we will become a buffet for T-rex and Velociraptors.
Not being a biologist, I can only speculate that there are gigantic problems with this assumption as the current climate on most of the Earth is not actually compatible with dinosaur physiology. Sure, Velociraptor infestation would a problem in New York but could they survive the winter?
Science aside, here’s the big problem with this premise: Who cares? Dinosaurs!
If a scientist stepped up to a podium tomorrow and said “I can re-create dinosaurs but there are going to be a few problems…” every reporter in the room would miss what came next because they would be envisioning parks where you could saddle up to ride an Apotosaurus, go Pteranadon gliding and feed goats to a T-Rex.
Alphabetical Movie – Lost in Translation
There is a shot at the end of Lost in Translation when Bill Murray whispers something into Scarlett Johansson’s ear. We don’t get to hear what he says because the moment is a private one. What was said is not so important as the idea that Murray manages to open up to someone, if only for a short time.
I find it interesting that so many people have spent so much time trying to figure out what Murray said. As if that will unlock a deeper understanding of the film.
Lots of theories exist and, as with most such things, none of those theories are more interesting than that private exchange we don’t get to share.
I think there is some sort of insatiable desire to know the unknowable. Watching a movie is a voyeuristic experience. As such, we feel we are entitled to know everything The movie should keep no secrets from us. And yet the final shot of the film is one big secret.
Geeks Without God talk about Life of Pi
This week’s Geeks Without God was my idea. I’m sure Molly and Nick will want everyone to know because boy oh boy were they unhappy that I made them watch the movie.
I’ve actually been pushing for Life of Pi to be a topic for quite a while. I was certain that my co-hosts wouldn’t like the movie and yet it has a premise that is perfect for our podcast.
Early in the movie we are told that Pi has a story that will make us believe in god.
When watching the movie in the theatre, I was actually really interested to learn what that story might be. Sure, the movie is fiction so it is not trying to convince me that there is a god. It was more of an intellectual exercise. If this story was true, would it make me believe in god?
I’m not going to give away the answer to that question. You’ll just have to listen for yourself.
Also, if you are a Dregs fan, check out my new weekly blog that includes a rehearsal recording of our newest song!
Alphabetical Movie – The Return of the King
I have a framed poster for this film signed by Peter Jackson and it is hanging in my bathroom. There’s a picture of it on the left if you don’t believe me. Every time I poop, I see this poster.
I’m not saying that to brag. I mean, if I was trying to brag, I wouldn’t admit that I look at this poster every time I poop, would I?
OK, fine. I’m bragging just a little bit.
I’m not a big memorabilia collector. When it comes to autographs, I place far more value on a genuine interaction with another human being than I do on their signature. Still, it’s pretty damn cool that I got to see an advance premiere of Return of the King with Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens and Peter Jackson and Peter signed a poster for everyone in the room.
The story is a lot more interesting than the autograph, actually. I could’ve forged the autograph. It could have been stamped on by a printer.
Alphabetical Movie – The Two Towers
When I watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy for the Alphabetical Movie Project, I made the choice to watch the extended editions. I don’t believe they are better than the theatrical editions but one of the most remarkable things about the universe Jackson created is how excited I was by the prospect of seeing more – even if the extra bits didn’t add all that much to the story.
If I’m watching a movie for the first time, I’m pretty much always going to try to see the theatrical cut of the film. If I don’t like that version of the film, why would I want to watch a version that has more stuff I don’t like? If I like the film, I want to establish a baseline and I feel that baseline should be what everyone else has already seen.
Besides, the theatrical cut is almost always better. Most movies don’t need to be longer. Most movies need to be shorter. As much as I love the extra stuff in the LOTR movies, I don’t feel like any of the movies are improved by the additional material. The theatrical versions exhibit better pacing and storytelling than the extended editions. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that the avalanche of skulls really makes Return of the King better.
Alphabetical Movie – The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Let me tell you about what convinced me I was watching a truly great work of cinema when I first watched this film.
It wasn’t the extraordinary characterizations by the lead performers. Although they were extraordinary.
It wasn’t the scope of the film that seemed to stretch beyond the frames. Although that was brilliant.
No, what sold me on the film was the way Peter Jackson managed to make an inanimate object terrifying.
Grail Diary 