Today the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will be handing out the Oscars to the actors, directors, producers and technicians who managed to score the most votes in a variety of categories. At home, non professionals like me will be spending most of the evening trying to figure out the difference between Sound Editing and Sound Mixing and looking up plot synopses for the movies we haven’t heard of (which is pretty much all of them).
Who will win? I don’t really care and neither do you. So I’m not going to predict the winners of this year’s ceremony. Instead, I’m going to make some other, more daring predictions:
At least three jokes will be made about the fact Meryl Streep gets nominated all the time. At least one of those jokes will be structured as follows: “But Hollywood didn’t produce all great films this year. We all know that (some crappy film) failed to connect with audiences this year. That didn’t stop Meryl Streep from getting nominated for her performance as a crippled dog trainer with a crack cocaine addiction.”
After these jokes are made, the camera will cut to Streep laughing approvingly and clapping her hands in order to avoid every other actress in the auditorium mouthing the words “I hate her so much.”