Archive | Comedy RSS for this section

Shit that Pissed me Off – 1/13

Note: I didn’t write about the work the Senate made to begin the repeal of the Affordable Care Act this week because, while it really does piss me off, it is also an extremely complex maneuver and I’m not sure any of us completely understand what is going on.  Least of all the Senators who voted for it.

Let me just say before I proceed, however, that anyone who can, with good conscience, vote to re-establish a pre-existing condition clause, is a complete waste of a human being.  It may well be true that they won’t end up re-establishing that clause.  A vote still exists in which Senators are going on record supporting just that.

Vaccination Safety Committee To be Headed by Anti-Vaxxer

At least this is the claim made by anti vax proponent Robert Kennedy.  We’ll see if it really happens.

Look, I know vaccinations are controversial.  And I try to be sympathetic.

Then I remember I have two vaccinated children on the autism spectrum and that every single study about vaccines has concluded vaccines do not cause autism or any of the other things anti-vaxxers claim they cause.  And I read quotes like this, which could be referring to my family:

I employed the term [holocaust] during an impromptu speech as I struggled to find an expression to convey the catastrophic tragedy of autism which has now destroyed the lives of over 20 million children and shattered their families

And I stop being sympathetic because this fucker is talking about my kids.  My kids who have full lives and are wonderful human beings and whose existence has shattered my family not one single bit.  Autism is a hurdle my kids have to jump over.  Most of us have hurdles they need to get over.  To suggest their hurdle has shattered my family is the sort of thing someone who doesn’t even have the basic understanding of the autism spectrum would suggest because they are an ignorant jackass.

Yeah – this kind of thing gets me pretty worked up.

Anti-vaxxers may make me just a little bit crazy.

Anti-vaxxers may make me just a little bit crazy.

It is bothersome enough that our President-Elect (fuuuuuuuuck) denies climate change.  That he also seems to jump into bed with anti vaxxers suggests that the American People elected someone pretty much willing to believe any crazy conspiracy theory pops up so long as it doesn’t involve him.

You have to give him credit for being equal opportunity when it comes to denial of scientific data.  Climate Change denial comes from the right and anti vaxxers typically come from the left.  Donald, however, has a big tent and there is room for everyone who thinks scientists reach conclusions just to fuck with the rest of us.

Read More…

Shit that Pissed Me off – 12/30

A Couple of Assholes Tried to Guilt the US Bank Stadium Into Sheltering Homeless People by Creating a Fake News Story

Most people who read my column are, like me, from Minnesota.  If you aren’t from Minnesota, you probably know that the weather this last week was – in the language of the locals – “chilly.”

A couple of guys decided it would be extremely nice if US Bank Stadium would allow homeless people to take shelter there because football stadiums are huge and the weather was deadly.

And they were right.  It would have been extremely nice.

So what they did was start a rumor that US Bank Stadium was going to do exactly that.  They tweeted how the Vikings were totally willing to open up the stadium and the city just needed to approve it.  Essentially, they wanted to force the city and the Vikings to do what they wanted by trying to make everyone look like assholes if it didn’t happen.

I'm sure they totally had several thousand cots just lying around for such a situation.

I’m sure they totally had several thousand cots just lying around for such a situation.

The city and the Vikings basically said “uh – no – that rumor is false and we can’t really do that” for all sorts of reasons including the fact there was a football game in the stadium at noon the next day and the stadium is not set up or staffed to be a homeless shelter.

Now it’s easy to say that they should have let folks in anyway but then you have to figure out how to get them out in the morning before the football fans started to show up at 10:00 AM.  It just isn’t something that can be done without – you know – planning.

However, because this fake news story was picked up as being a real news story, some homeless people made their way to the stadium for shelter.  Shelter the stadium was not equipped to provide.

And when the rumor mongers were called on their bullshit ploy, they basically said “why are you angry with us when the stadium was the one who didn’t provide shelter?”

Guess what assholes? Neither did you.

You were pissed about public funds paying for the stadium (I am too) and you decided that the Stadium should do something that was important to you.  Not important enough to, you know, open your house to a homeless family or work at an existing shelter.  No, it was just important enough for you to create a fake story and then act like a whiny toddler when it didn’t work.

Read More…

Shit that Pissed me off 10/7

Trump Gets in Trouble for Something He Didn’t Do

No, I’m not talking about paying his taxes.  Although he also didn’t do that.  Though apparently having enough money to hire a really talented team of tax accountants and lawyers makes him “smart” rather than “rich.”

In this case, though, he is getting some heat for having said that soldiers with PTSD aren’t strong.  Basically, he told soldiers who suffer from mental illness as a result of combat stress that they are complete wimps.

515504701_128985709366515341_answer_2_xlarge-jpeg-258680

Here’s the problem though – that’s not what he said.  And in context, what he said was clearly not meant to disrespect soldiers with PTSD.  You need to twist his meaning to a dizzying degree to come away thinking he was even accidentally implying that having PTSD made you weak.

Trump says any number of horrible and outrageous things.  It seems to me that those of us who justifiably think he is a buffoon and he should never hold elected office of any kind could stick to the string of stuff he actually said rather than manufacturing controversy where none exists.

Can’t we just hate Trump for who he is?  I mean, that ought to be enough. Read More…

Shit that Pissed me Off – 9/9

Gossip Columnist Attacks News Anchor for her Jeans

Jana Shortal has written about the fashion expectations surrounding women in news so it seems strange that Star Tribune gossip columnist C.J. chose to spend several paragraphs lambasting Shortal for the clothing she chose to wear while reporting on the discovery of Jacob Wetterling’s remains.

CJ’s fashion sense is, of course, her own and her column is not a hard hitting section of the paper.  She has been quick to point out she is a columnist and not a journalist.

Seems to me that it shouldn’t matter.  If you are an insensitive jackass, you can give yourself any label you want and you’ll still be an insensitive jackass.

Fun Fact: Google "insensitive jackass" and the first pictures that come up are of Roger Ebert!

Fun Fact: Google “insensitive jackass” and the first pictures that come up are of Roger Ebert!

Now CJ has since issued a notpology for her column that confirms she is, indeed, an insensitive jackass. She claims she was so upset by the Wetterling news that she was just thinking about the family’s feelings when she commented on Shortal’s fashion choices.

Her tweets immediately following the posting of the original article would suggest something entirely different but hey – if Donald Trump can change what he means every time he opens his mouth, so can the rest of us.

Read More…

Shit that Pissed Me Off – 5/27

Just a quick note: I was on vacation for two weeks so a few of the things that pissed me off this week are old. I didn’t want to forget about them, though.  So you’re welcome, I guess?

Meteorologist is Handed a Sweater While on the Air Because Viewers Complained About her Dress

Let’s count all the ways this is wrong.

  1.  On the air?  Are you fucking kidding me?
  2. Her dress was not indecent.  You could see her shoulders.  If that was distracting people from the regional temperatures, those folks have some serious issues that go far beyond what their weather person is wearing.
  3. Although they were not, apparently, so distracted that they were unable to text and e-mail while she was still on the air.
  4. They asked her to cover herself while she was on the air!

Guys – assume for a moment you are a weather person and you wear a shirt someone finds objectionable.  Or, you decide to do your morning report in a muscle shirt.  Do you think you’d get half the e-mails that this young woman did?

They would probably be trying to get his co-host to shove cash down his pants.

They would probably be trying to get his co-host to shove cash down his pants.

The fact people made it their business to whine about her dress should be embarrassing. To them.

It shouldn’t have been embarrassing to her.  Except it was because the station made the incomprehensible decision to fix it. On the air!

Point is, women in media are subjected to this kind of scrutiny all the time.  They have to think about every style choice they make because the “wrong” choice might just result in an embarrassing situation like this one.  Men in media basically need to decide which tie to wear.

People don’t send a lot of e-mails about ties.

Read More…

Shit that Pissed me Off – 2/26

John Kasich, the “Moderate” Republican, Just Defunded Planned Parenthood in Ohio

The bill he signed didn’t specifically defund Planned Parenthood. No. That would be too obvious.

It just said public funds will not go to any provider of health services that also provides abortions.  Like – you know – Planned Parenthood.

Don’t worry, though!  The funds that are no longer going to Planned Parenthood (and other abortion providers but mostly Planned Parenthood) will now go to other clinics that provide health services for women, HIV testing, and other services that Planned Parenthood was doing a great job providing.

Republicans like to say that they support women’s health (as John Oliver pointed out this week), but it really feels like it is “the health of women who choose not to terminate their pregnancy.”

You, young lady, are welcome to all the medical assistance you can afford! Because we aren't going to pay for it. That's socialism.

You, young lady, are welcome to all the medical assistance you can afford! Because we aren’t going to pay for it. That’s socialism.

Because if you want to terminate a pregnancy for any reason, your health no longer seems to be a concern. The hate focused squarely on Planned Parenthood (but really it isn’t just Planned Parenthood guys) has everything to do with demonizing an organization that has the balls to perform a legal medical procedure without being ashamed about it.

So while Kasich tries to convince you that he’s a moderate, just remember that he hates Planned Parenthood (seriously – it’s not just Planned Parenthood) just as much as the next Republican Presidential candidate.

He also understands Planned Parenthood just as much as the next Republican Presidential candidate.

Read More…

The Lease

ghost-04.jpgWeekly short story post!  This one is very short and began with thinking about ghosts and hauntings.  I don’t believe ghosts are real but I really wish they were.  If I was able to haunt people, I imagine I would do so in a way that is consistent with my current sense of humor.

That, in a nutshell, is where this story came from.

Read More…