Apologies to regular fans of my Friday blog. I’m going to do things a little differently today.
I’ve been writing Shit that Pissed me off most Fridays for the last three years. I enjoy it as an exercise in writing humor and in exploring my opinions about what is happening in the world around me. Since I’ve started writing the column, it has never coincided with my birthday.
Well this year, it has.
So I decided instead of spending my birthday thinking about stuff that annoys me, I’m going to write about things that make me happy. I’ll post this week’s shit that pissed me off on Monday. Because even on my birthday, there are things that piss me off.
I begin my 48th year today and in honor of that, here are 48 things that make me happy.
1. I’ve been married to the same amazing woman for the last 25 1/2 years. She is brilliant, courageous, thoughtful, sexy, and supportive. She laughs at some of my jokes. She listens when I’m in a bad mood. She corrects me when I’m wrong. There is not a night that goes by where I am not happy we share a bed, a home, and a life.
2. I’ve got one fantastic mother. She loves math and has spent her life finding ways to help others love it too. She loves being an amateur artist. She is a fun travel companion. Any day I know I’m going to see her is automatically a good day.
3. My oldest son is great. He’s clever, cheerful, fun, and affectionate. He grew several inches in the last year and is starting to show signs of facial hair. Pretty soon, he’s going to learn how to drive and get a job and start looking at colleges. I’m not sure I’m ready for any of that.
4. My youngest son is wonderfully creative. The way he builds new Lego structures and describes ideas for new games or parks or dinosaurs shows boundless inventiveness. His head must be such an interesting place to live.
5. My Brother is full of passion and energy. He has been remarkably successful in not just the field he has chosen to pursue, but most anything he decides to accomplish. We have a great relationship hampered only by the distance that separates us.
6. My Sister-in-law has a sharp sense of humor, an infectious positive attitude, and seems like a perfect partner for my brother.
Cardinal Raymond Burke was featured here just last week. I think it is fair to say that he has a big problem with homosexuals.
He also seems to have an even bigger problem with people who feel homosexuals have a right to exist without feeling ashamed of themselves. While even the Pope seems a bit wishy-washy regarding church dogma on this particular topic, Burke is not.
He even went as far as to say “Pagans may have tolerated homosexual behaviours, they never dared to say this was marriage.”
Whoa, dude! You know you owe the pagans a lot, right?
If it weren’t for the pagans, we wouldn’t know when Jesus was born. Or when he died. We wouldn’t have an entire holiday devoted to drinking if St. Patrick hadn’t needed to drive those pesky
pagans snakes out of Ireland.
So disrespect the gays, my friend. It seems like the only way to get ahead in your particular line of work.
But leave the pagans out of this. What have they ever done to you?
Her picture looks adorable. I’m sure she’s twenty. Maybe.
She is firmly of the opinion that they should teach the controversy (that doesn’t exist). She also says that schools should focus on the “basics” of education.
Like evolution, right?
No no no no no no no no!
Well, she thinks it should be taught in science classrooms alongside creationism. She also thinks sex education should be abstinence only because that is also “basic.”
Is this barely not-teenager going to be elected? I doubt it.
And yet I’m tired of living in a world where people continue to believe that creationism should be given the same amount of time in the classroom. And I’m tired of living in a world where we continue to argue about abstinence-only sex education when the evidence clearly shows it is inadequate.
Syrians are Destroying Sculptures Because Allah
Dear everyone in the world: Just because your particular strain of god does not approve of something is no reason to take that thing away from the rest of us.
When you destroy a sculpture that is thousands of years old, you can’t just make a new one.
Unfortunately, this sculpture ended up in one of those places where the prevailing belief system says that historical significance is not a good enough reason to keep something around if there is a face on it.
So thanks, religious extremists, for taking something away from the rest of the world because you believe it will lead to eternal damnation! You guys are the best!
Here’s what I genuinely don’t understand:
The far right is super concerned about the rights of unborn children.
Once the kids are born, though, they don’t really give a fuck. Especially if those kids weren’t born in America.
In this case, we have a Republican candidate so anxious to show how anti-immigrant he is, he stages a protest with a busload of immigrant kids. Too bad it turns out the kids were actually from a YMCA camp. Apparently they use school busses to move all kinds of kids around. Who knew?
Seriously, does anyone do research before setting up a photo-op?
But more seriously, these are children! This immigration “crisis” is bullshit election year stuff. There are all sorts of people crossing our borders all the time. Politicians only care every two years.
The rest of the time, they only care if there are enough immigrants around to pick their food, cook their food, and clean their houses. And they don’t give a shit about how many of them are on school busses.
He didn’t just threaten to kill someone. He did it while holding a loaded shotgun.
He admitted he did so to police. He even said he probably should have fired.
At issue is not the question of whether or not people have the right to own guns. The issue is why people feel that casually producing a gun and pointing it at someone in the street is an acceptable act. This guy is a loon but his action is, I think, part of a greater movement that troubles me.
When people openly carry semi-automatic weapons into Target because they feel it is their right, we have a problem. This isn’t about the right to bear arms any longer. It is about the right to not have someone point a gun at you when you are shopping for produce.
I feel that if I like a different kind of Pop Tarts than you, I shouldn’t be concerned that we are going to need to have a showdown in frozen foods to settle the problem.