Tag Archive | Michael Cohen

Shit that Pissed me Off – 3/1/19

I totally missed last week because I was driving to a show. So I have some items from last week I’ve carried over. Because they still piss me off.

Captain Marvel Being Panned Pre-Release by People Who Haven’t Seen the Film

In the grand and glorious tapestry that is the Marvel Cinematic Universe, there hasn’t been one film featuring a Woman as the lead character. Until March 8th when Captain Marvel will be released.

Yes, yes, Ant Man & The Wasp technically had The Wasp as a lead/title character but that was a shared lead and Ant Man came first and it was a sequel and it didn’t seem to piss off Men’s Rights douchebags so let’s try to avoid being pedantic for just a moment, OK?

When it comes to pissing off Men’s Rights douchebags, nothing works better than a movie (any movie) about a woman. Mad Max Fury Road was awesome but why did it have to have a woman in it? The worst thing about The Last Jedi was all those girls getting in the way of the story that should be about whiny emo dudes just like them.

Holy shit! That’s why they hate Kylo Ren so much!

“Look at that whiner! He has all the power but he’s still not happy with it so he’s going to take power away from everyone around him who doesn’t have it just so he can feel better about himself even though he still doesn’t. That is so unrealistic!”

The scene is a lot more interesting if you imagine this guy eating Funyuns and crying.

I’m a nice guy! Why aren’t girls interested in nice guys?

Anyway – the reviews are already pouring in for Captain Marvel and many of them are by guys who haven’t actually seen the film!

That’s right! They are already posting negative reviews with their major complaint being “I don’t like that Marvel has, after three Captain America Movies, three Iron Man movies, a couple of Ant Man movies, and so on, decided to bow to the pressure of Social Justice Warriors by making ONE MOVIE with a girl in the lead!”

Some are even gloating that they are going to kill the box office for Captain Marvel just like they did for The Last Jedi.

Whatever, guys. If you didn’t notice that nearly every woman and person of color was dusted at the end of Infinity War, maybe you need to realize that women have a bigger representation gap than you.

So go back to your meditation chamber, Kylo, and feel sorry for yourself. Because the rest of us don’t.

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