Tag Archive | Michael Sam

Michael Sam – The Gayest Football Player Ever!

You may have missed it this week but Michael Sam, a strong prospect for the NFL draft, has announced that he is gay.  Much speculation surrounds how likely this announcement will be to help or hurt his prospects when teams start selecting players in April.

The question we should really be asking is this: which team is the best team for an openly gay man to join?  I think we should carefully analyze the 32 teams in the National Football League to figure out the best fit for Mr. Sam.

Arizona Cardinals – Arizona is filled with Saguaro cacti.  They look like giant spiky penises.  It also has the Grand Canyon, which is a little like a giant vagina.  Clearly the state is far too heterosexual to handle a guy like Sam.

Atlanta Falcons- If they couldn’t handle the bad publicity that came with having a quarterback who killed dogs and buried them in his yard, I don’t think they could handle the pressure cooker of having an opening gay player (which would be so much worse).  The Falcons are quitters.  Sam isn’t going to quit on his “decision” to be gay so he should keep looking.

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