Alphabetical Movie – Hairspray

Easily the worst thing in the first two X-Men films was James Marsden’s Cyclops.

Yes, Halle Berry’s Storm was horrible but come on – Marsden was pretty much given the unenviable task of standing around and looking serious all the time.  Occasionally, he would fawn over Jean Gray by looking slightly less serious and slightly more constipated.  The Jean Gray/Wolverine/Cyclops love triangle made no sense because why the hell would need time to choose between Wolverine and a statue.

I think that the one thing Hairspray shows conclusively is that we can’t blame Cyclops on Marsden.  He’s energetic and funny and a damn good singer.  He’s the kind of guy that Cyclops wouldn’t be able to talk to if they were at a party together.

 Honestly, I had no idea why people were so down on Berry’s Storm because I hadn’t noticed how lame she was.  I was too busy asking myself why Cyclops was even in the film.

The producers had to be asking the same question because they didn’t even bother to put his face on the poster for X2.

The Marsden pops up in Hairspray and Enchanted and I gotta admit that I did a double take.  Was this the same guy?  This guy actually looks like he enjoys making movies.

We’ll ignore 27 Dresses for a moment because that film suffers from the “Katherine Heigl film not called Knocked Up” negative modifier.

Tangentially – did anyone besides me see Killers?  What a load of crap that movie was, huh?  Any film that manages to find a way to make Catherine O’Hara unfunny deserves to be burned on principle.  Heigl’s entire purpose in that film is to make the casting of Ashton Kutcher as an assassin seem like an inspired idea.

Back to Marsden.  Sorry.

When he is be-bopping around in Hairspray he, more than anyone looks like he is just overjoyed with the idea that he gets to be in the movie.  You can imagine him thinking “Corny Collins may be a dippy name for a character but hey, at least this isn’t an X-Men movie.  Now I’m going to belt this mother fucking song so people forget about that upstart Queen Latifah.”

I didn’t forget about her, James, but I sure did remember you.

I should have known he had it in him.  I mean, he was the dude who made a joke about ball gagging Superman in the extras for Superman Returns.  Clearly, he wasn’t overjoyed about playing the boyfriend of attractive women who were inevitably going to end up with far cooler boyfriends.

Because if you had to choose between Cyclops and Wolverine, who would you pick?  How about picking between some random nice guy and Superman?

You see my point.  Marsden clearly did as well.

Now to be fair, he hasn’t done much since Hairspray and Enchanted but honestly I think that’s too bad.  He’s done his Heigl romcom.  Clearly he needs to do more musicals.


About Petsnakereggie

Geek, movie buff, dad, musician, comedian, atheist, liberal and writer. I also really like Taco flavored Doritos.

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