Alphabetical Movie – Indiscreet

Indiscreet is probably best characterized as a romantic comedy even though the first part of the film is more of a romance and the second is more of a comedy.  They are sort of slapped together like one of those crackers that is a cracker on one side and a different kind of cracker on the other.

Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman are the stars and constitute the sole reason to watch the film.  The movie isn’t bad but I can’t recall a single memorable bit of dialogue or particularly notable scene.  And I just watched it.

But so what?  Putting Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman in a film is the cinematic equivalent of a Nike ad.  Don’t question whether or not you should watch. Just do it.

At the time the movie was made, both actors would have been considered “past their prime.”  Bergman was 43 and Grant was 54.  Both of them buried the needle on the beautiful people scale, though, so their age was completely irrelevant.

I understand that movie stars are, almost by definition, beautiful people.  Steve Buscemi notwithstanding.  Still, there was something just a little bit unreal about Grant and Bergman, wasn’t there?

That chin cleft has to be fake!

Of all the classic screen gods, Grant always seemed to be the most handsome.  Bogart was a better actor.  Fonda was a better actor than Bogart. Stewart was more personable.  Gable might have been a bit sexier.  Grant was better looking than any of ’em.

Any guy who could end up in a relationship with Audrey Hepburn, Leslie Caron, Grace Kelly (twice)  and Ingrid Bergman (twice) has to be something approaching a god, right?

For her part, I don’t know if it is possible to get over the first time you see Bergman in Casablanca.

Photoshop? Bah!

When Bogart tells Renault that Laszlo will leave Casablanca without her and Renault says “I think not, I’ve seen the lady,” he is delivering one of the great understatements in the history of the cinema.  Nobody, man or woman, would leave Ingrid Bergman behind in Casablanca.

I love my wife but if I was told I could only take one person out of Casablanca and it would be my wife or Ingrid Bergman, I’d have to pick Bergman.  I’m pretty sure my wife would understand.

Putting Bergman and Grant together is like teaming up two superheroes whose powers are looking freakishly attractive.   The movie could be Gigli and people will still watch it.

Watching a movie with those two is a little like going to the Louvre.  Most people ignore everything else and go to the Mona Lisa.

Wait – there are other paintings at the Louvre?

One wonders – had the two of them been born in the last twenty years, would science be trying to extract their attractiveness for commercial use?  They could be on infomercials.

“Hi, I’m Cary Grant!  Wouldn’t you love to be as impossibly attractive as me?”

Wild audience applause

“Well here’s my close personal friend Ron Popeil to show you how!”

“Thanks Cary!  Folks, admit it – some of you out there look a lot like this:”

Yes – this is unquestionably a cheap shot.

“Well with just a few applications of my miracle ‘Grant/Bergman attractiveness cream’, you could look like this:”

Wild audience applause

I don’t usually fall for infomercials but I have to admit, I’d probably give it a shot….