Friend a Day – Ishmael Williams
Photo by Peter Verrant
The first time I met Ishmael, I misjudged him. He was walking hand in hand with his partner Jules and I was disappointed to see that she’d broken up with her old boyfriend. I didn’t know they were in a poly relationship. Fortunately, I didn’t say anything. That would have been awkward!
I really got to know Ishmael when we were forming CONvergence. He brought his years of expertise working with convention hotel arrangements to us when we desperately needed a hotel to take us seriously.
He is one of the most thoughtful people I know. As conversations arguments progressed on various CONvergence topics, he would often hold his tongue the longest. When he finally spoke, he frequently managed to end the conversation because what he had to say managed to bring together all that had gone before in a way that made sense and cut through the emotion.
I make fun of Ishmael for loving just about every movie he watches. I think he has a natural ability to find what is enjoyable in almost everything. He doesn’t tell you what he didn’t like about something. He tells you what he liked about it.
After our first convention, it was Ishmael who gathered the rest of the board members together so we could take a moment to simply appreciate what we’d managed to accomplish (with a lot of help). He’s very good at taking the time to appreciate things and he’s even better at encouraging others to do the same.
Ishmael is one of the most personable people I know. He has a lot of friends because why wouldn’t you want to be his friend?
He inspires tremendous loyalty in others because he earns it. He treats everyone around him with respect and admiration for their talents and skills.
As my involvement with CONvergence has changed, I’ve found I have less time to spend with Ishmael. After board meetings, he would frequently stand in our doorway for particularly long Minnesota goodbyes.
I miss those long goodbyes. I certainly wish we had more time together than we used to because Ishmael is one of those people whose time it is easy to enjoy.
Shit That Pissed Me Off – 5/2
Concerned Citizen Calls the Cops on Someone Giving Away Banned Books
So to be clear: this was a private citizen who was distributing donated books to High School students after the school board voted to ban the title in schools (because SEX.)
The book wasn’t illegal to own and it certainly wasn’t illegal to distribute copies that had been bought and paid for. It wasn’t even illegal to give the book to High School students. Nor was parental consent required for High School students to own a copy of the book.
But somebody decided that the police had nothing better to do than question someone for handing out books.
If she’d been burning the books, police involvement wouldn’t have been required
Now here’s where I get snarky. Do you think that same person would have thought to call the police if someone was handing out bibles in the park? Even though the Bible has a lot more sex than the book that was banned?
That’s OK, though, because I’m not sure I want my kids reading the bible but if they do want to read it, I’d rather they got a copy for free.
Friend a Day – Angie Anderson
Angie is someone I’ve known since High School. I think that we met on a trip to French camp. That’s what I remember anyway. I know there was a trip to French camp. Angie probably remembers it correctly because she’s got a far better memory than I do.
She’s one of those relentlessly cheerful people who simply never lets life get her down. The smile that is almost always on her face is not fake. She really is that cheerful.
She is also chatty and makes friends as easily as anyone I know. It only takes about five minutes for someone to be her new best friend.
When my kids were little, Angie was their day care mom. Most of the time my wife and I were their second or third favorite adult but it was a pretty significant drop from the top spot to the actual parents.
She has a great way with kids and with playful adults. I think that’s why she has worked so long in Connie’s Quantum Sandbox at CONvergence. When ideas like Marco Polo or dodgeball come up, she always seems game to lead them. She just seems to enjoy finding ways to get people to play.
I was talking to her this last weekend and she told me that she explained to her daughters that they would know when they were becoming teenagers because everything their parents said would sound stupid. While that statement is, sadly, accurate of all teenagers, I hope it doesn’t come to pass because her daughters should know that their mom is definitely not stupid.
A little bit eccentric, sure. But definitely not stupid.
Her eccentricity, though, is part of her charm.
She’s a great cook and has been for as long as I’ve known her. I can remember going over to her house for dinner back when we were teenagers and she was cooking meals even then.
I think the friends you keep around you for the longest time are there for a reason. Angie has a personality that makes me happy and when it comes to good reasons, that is the best of all.
Friend a Day – Kelvin Hatle
Photo by Bob Alberti
I met Kelvin during the early years of CONvergence when he was performing as a member of Soylent Theater.
Kelvin is a very quiet person when he is hanging out in a group of people. He’s a lot more likely to listen to a conversation at a party than to join in with one. You really need to spend some one on one time with him to have any real chance to know him.
He is a gifted improviser, which comes as a surprise if you know him only as the guy who is quiet at parties. When he gets on stage for an improv, he becomes a different person. Which is sort of the point, I guess.
Over the last few years, he has taken to producing one man shows at the Minnesota Fringe. So far, each one has been a little bit better than the last. He’s really grown as a writer and a performer through those solo shows.
I’d put him in everything I wrote if I could. He always finds a way to make what I do funnier than it was on the page.
He’s also very good at trivia. He worked with us on the GPS team trivia contest and he had the ability to write questions that were both challenging and interesting. When he moved on from the contest, we lost one of our best writers.
When he joined the cast of Vilification Tennis, he brought an entirely different personality to the stage. His dry delivery and his clever writing take a little while to catch on with the audience at times but with a little time to warm up, he gets them on his side.
There are several performers in the Twin Cities of whom I never tire. Kelvin is one of them. I will cheerfully go to anything in which he takes part because I know he will always be a lot of fun to watch.
I look forward to many more opportunities to work with Kelvin because he makes everyone around him look better.
Alphabetical Movie – The Maltese Falcon
Alfred Hitchcock always referred to the Maguffin as the thing in a story that everybody wants. What that thing is may not be particularly important. What is important is the lengths your characters will go to in order to get that thing.
The Maltese Falcon revolves around something everyone but the central character wants. He has no interest in the falcon at all. He just feels the need to figure out why someone killed his partner to get it. Sam Spade’s motivation is honor rather than love or money and that, to some men at least, is considered romantic.
I think a lot of guys enjoy the idea that they are they martyrs of society. Could Sam Spade just forget about his partner and try to get himself a few bucks out of the Falcon? Sure he could.
But he’s working towards a higher cause. When someone kills your partner you are supposed to do something about it. You’re a man, dammit, and that’s what men do!
Friend a Day – Rachael Salisbury
Photo by Peter Verrant
Rachael and I go back a long way. She and my brother we good friends during High School. We got along and hung out at that time but she didn’t really become a major part of my life until she joined The Dregs a few years ago.
She was such an important addition to the band for so many reasons.
This may come as a shock to most people who know the members of my band, but we can frequently get a little distracted at rehearsal. Rachael is the person who will most likely get us back on track. I’m not going to say she cracks the whip because that isn’t the right way to put it.
Rather, she pushes us back on the road.
Another thing that might surprise you about a group of Type A personalities is every now and again things can get pretty tense. When that happens, Rachael is frequently the person I’ll call just to calm myself down. She listens and calmly explains to me why I shouldn’t be freaking out.
So I stop freaking out and deal with the problem rationally.
Rachael is a committed singer who performs with other vocal groups in addition to The Dregs. She really enjoys singing and I’m glad I get to share her enjoyment.
When I think about my friends, I often think about the kind of conversations I have with them. With Rachael, our conversations are thoughtful and frequently focused on stuff that we want to do and how to get it done. I’m not going to say that everything gets done but I like that Rachael is focused on achieving goals.
If there is a member of The Dregs who is not trying to grab attention, it is Rachael. That’s great because it means there are only five of us trying to steal focus instead of all six. When she does decide to grab focus, I think she can be more effective simply because of the fact that she hangs back to wait for her moment.
It’s a lesson the rest of us should learn. At the very least, I should.
I love performing with Rachael and I’m really glad that she has rotated back into my life. She’s a whole lot of fun.
Friend a Day – Jeremy Stomberg
Before Jeremy and I signed on to help create a new convention over fifteen years ago, we’d never met.
At one of the first meetings for the new convention, we needed to decide what the name was going to be. We’d been calling it Macrocon but many of us didn’t like that name. In a brainstorming/debate session that took most of an evening, we eventually settled on the name CONvergence.
In the brainstorming and debate that went on, Jeremy first felt that we should keep the name Macrocon and then voted against CONvergence again and again.
Thing is, the moment the name was decided, he was completely on board. He recognized that he’d been given the opportunity to make his argument and the rest of us weren’t convinced.
Jeremy disagreed with the rest of us a lot. But he never took it personally when a decision didn’t go his way.
I give him credit for that because I know when the situation was reversed, I did have a tendency to take it personally.
There’s something about the way Jeremy communicates that is nothing short of masterful. I’ve seen someone try to provoke him in a room full of people and he has always deflected the provocation with grace and style. He knows when it is time to argue and when it is time to defuse the situation.
He’s been an announcer with the Minnesota Rollergirls for some time now and you can tell he is really enjoying that gig. He’s naturally comfortable as an emcee and has a great sense of humor.
If Jeremy approaches me with a wry smile and starts to talk very quietly and earnestly, I know that what he is about to say is probably going to make me laugh. He knows how to tell a joke.
He also knows how to take a joke. When he is the target, he is always graceful and never takes it personally.
He has a cheerful nature and can laugh at just about anything. That’s probably why arguments don’t get to him. He just laughs it off.
The other thing Jeremy has in abundance is confidence. When he chooses to do something, he takes responsibility to do it right and he has the belief that he will do it right.
I never would have known Jeremy had CONvergence not brought us together. He’s not the only person who came into my life through the convention but he’s one of best.
Geeks Without God Talk About Atheism and Comedy
When we were off at Die Laughing, we snuck back to my hotel room for an hour to record an episode of Geeks Without God with Ben San Del.
Ben did a stand up show at the Minnesota Fringe a couple years ago and he spent a fair amount of time in that show talking about his atheism. I found it interesting that a comedian was so up front about that particularly divisive issue and have been wanting to get him on our podcast for a while.
The stars finally aligned and we had a great conversation with Ben about how he tailors his show depending on where he is performing and when he uses the soft touch to introduce skepticism into his comedy.
It was a long time coming, but I think the episode was worth the wait.
Drunk Gaming
I was at a convention this weekend that has two major attractions. Tabletop gaming and booze.
This leads to a lot of late night gaming with drunk people. Because I don’t drink, I have the opportunity to observe the behaviors that make drunk gaming a great spectator sport.
Take, for instance, the game “Resistance.” Players are either member of the resistance or spies trying to thwart the resistance. Pretty much the entire game is spent fostering an atmosphere of fear and mistrust. By the end of the game, everyone is basically shouting HE’S A SPY DON’T PICK HIM! I’M NOT SPY! THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT A SPY WOULD SAY!
It’s a great game to play with people you already don’t like.
Drunk “resistance” is about the same except the game starts with everyone shouting HE’S A SPY DON’T PICK HIM! I’M NOT SPY! THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT A SPY WOULD SAY!
That takes place before anyone even knows if they are Resistance or a Spy.
Once you deal the cards that identify the spies, you immediately prepare to re-deal the cards because someone is going to say “Cool! I’ve always wanted to play a spy! Oops! I meant Resistance. I always wanted to play Resistance. I’m not a spy.”
After this happens a third time, someone says fuck it and leaves to get another beer. Someone else joins who has never played the game.
All eight players at the table loudly explain the game at the same time. It sounds something like this:
THE RULES ARE SUPER EASY. WE’RE ALL SPIES ON A MISSION TO RESISTANCE A VOTE! TEAM LEADERS DEAL CARDS TO THE SPIES AND THEN EVERYONE DOESN’T WANT ANYONE ELSE TO KNOW UNTIL THEY DEAL THEIR SUCCESS CARD FACE UP WHICH YOU CAN ONLY USE IF YOU ARE A SPY. THE SPIES KNOW WHO EACH GUN MISSION DECIDES WHICH CARDS BUT WHATEVER YOU DO REJECT THE MISSION. GOT IT?
New person drunkenly nods and the game begins again.
Eventually someone will say something like IF I PLAY THIS CARD WILL YOU BE ABLE TO TELL I’M A SPY?
Then everyone lets out a collective groan and they start over. With another new player.
I’ve never seen a game of drunk “Resistance” played all the way to the finish.
Friend a Day – Jane Anfinson
Jane is my sister-in-law and I can’t imagine my brother finding a more compatible companion.
She had been seeing my brother for a little while before we met and I remember liking her the first time there was a family gathering in which she took part. She’s just really easy to like. From that first day, she’s always felt like a member of the family. By that I mean that she feels comfortably compatible with the rest of us. It feels like she’s always been around.
What has always struck me about Jane is the way she deals with stress with such serenity. I’m sure that she experiences as much stress as the rest of us but she always manages to stay calm and rational in the face of challenging circumstances. I think that she becomes a great source of support in those situations because she retains her composure.
She has a delightful sense of humor that can be very dry. Her laugh is playful and always suggests a bit of impish delight.
Jane is a talented musician and an avid bird watcher. She likes birds (and other animals) so much, that she went back to school to become a wildlife biologist. What great is just seeing her re-focus her life on something that is a passion.
Jane and my brother spend many weekends together camping in state parks. They bird watch and get away from the busy lives they lead during the week. I honestly couldn’t tell you which of them loves the outdoors more. Given Jane’s day job takes her outside more frequently, I’ll give her the tiebreaker.
She’s also a great “sit down and talk to over coffee” kind of person (even though I don’t drink coffee). Conversations are relaxed and fun and don’t feel forced or uncomfortable.
I always look forward to time I get to spend with Jane because the time passes so enjoyably and so quickly. I like my brother a lot and it makes me very happy that he gets to spend so much time with such a great person.
Jane is a member of the Community Women’s Orchestra in Oakland, CA. She also has a website!
Grail Diary 