Some Stuff for Guys to Think About
Hey guys – this post is for you. I know that some of us atheist guys don’t know what to think about the feminist movement in atheism right now. Some of us might feel a little bit threatened by it. Being a guy, I think I have a pretty good idea where you are coming from.
Ladies, I’m afraid this isn’t for you. I’m going to be talking about guy stuff. I don’t want you to feel excluded, though. You are totally welcome to read if you want.
But this is really something that I need to share with my boyfriends out there. We’ll be talking about football and swimsuit models and stuff. You probably wouldn’t be interested.
Are the ladies gone? I’m pretty sure I just passive aggressively got rid of them…
OK guys, let’s talk about this whole feminism thing. Here we are being all atheistic and stuff and then the some of the ladies get all up in our business by saying that they want to feel “safe” and “welcomed” into the atheistic community. Shouldn’t we feel threatened by that?
NO! Holy fuck NO!
Let me tell you something about the ladies in our community – they are pretty cool. I like talking to them a lot. Not just about atheism either. Feminism? Yeah, that comes up sometimes.
Mostly, though, we just talk about stuff that interests us mutually. And we laugh and we have fun.
You know that horrible feminista Rebecca Watson? I recorded a podcast with her at CONvergence (shameless plug) and we hardly talked about misogyny on the internet at all! Mostly we talked about geeky stuff like video games.
Did you guys know that women like to play video games???
Tonight, I’m going to have dinner with one of the Skepchicks. We’re going to have hamburgers.
Did you know that some skeptical women like to eat meat?
The point I’m making here guys is that these ladies are cool. They’re awesome. And they are just as sick of talking about this stuff as you are. They’d love to stop. They can’t, though, because too many of us guys take this stuff personally.
I get frustrated sometimes, too. I get frustrated that when I try to talk to some of these women at CONvergence, I feel a bit uncomfortable. You know why? Because I know their guard is up. They’ve had a lot of shitty experiences with guys at conventions and they don’t know if I’m one of those guys. I feel like I have to prove that I’m not one of those guys.
Is that their fault? No. It’s totally my fault. I’m not one of those guys. The best way to prove that is to just be the guy that I am.
They’ll probably figure it out pretty easily because it turns out that aside from being funny and interesting, they are also pretty smart.
As guys, we want to think this is all about us. I mean we’ve been programmed to think that the world revolves around us. So let’s ask ourselves, what about this movement makes things better for us?
Well, if you like talking to interesting women and don’t want them to feel guarded, things like an anti-harassment policy are great! They feel safer and that makes them more open to interaction with people they don’t know.
You know what else is great? When everyone in the atheist community has a voice and feels like they can talk about this stuff. There are a lot of great voices in this movement and roughly half of them are attached to women.
Why would we want them to be reticent to use those voices because there are guys out there (not us) who don’t like what they have to say?
I know some guys feel that there is some sort of loss of sexual freedom when you start talking about giving women an equal voice.
I would imagine that most of the guys who feel that way have never been in a relationship of any real substance because the ladies totally get off on guys who treat them with respect and who give a shit what about they have to say.
Now I’m not saying that supporting the feminist movement is going to increase your chances of finding a girlfriend. I’m just saying that the kind of women I think you’d like to have a relationship with are, by and large, not attracted to jackasses.
So how about you listen – and I mean really listen to what is being said right now? How about you start to understand that while none of this is actually about you, it does benefit you.
I guess what I’m trying to say is this: stop being so fucking defensive. This isn’t about you. This is about them.
They don’t need us to stand up for them. They are doing a damn good job of that already. What they would like is for us to stand with them.
And we should want to do that because they are cool people. Douchebag internet trolls are the kind of guys you would kick out of your D & D group.
I’m glad we could have this talk.
OK, ladies. You can come back.