Jesus is power!
I spotted this article about a woman who noticed an image of Jesus in her power meter.
Now, I don’t want to say that I think she is crazy (although I do) but take a look at “Jesus.”
Doesn’t he look a lot more like Salvador Dali to you?
Or maybe Robert De Niro from The Mission?
Actually, the more I look at it, the more it looks like….
OH MY GOD!
I KNOW JESUS!
And he tells dick jokes. Who knew?
Alphabetical Movie – Home Alone
My friends, I submit to you that Home Alone is not a lighthearted romp about an eight year old boy who defends his home from burglars when he is left alone.
The film, is in fact, a display of the worst conceivable parenting known to humankind or, possibly, something much more sinister.
Alphabetical Movie – Hollywoodland
Hollywoodland is about the questionable circumstances surrounding the death of George Reeves. By “questionable,” I mean that there are some conspiracy theorists who believe he was murdered but the odds are pretty good that he killed himself.
I think the movie explores that fundamental disconnect most of us feel when we hear that someone who appeared to have everything to live for choose to end their life. It seems unimaginable that they would do such a thing.
Except for Kurt Cobain. That didn’t surprise anyone.
While many of us have contemplated suicide at some point, very few actually go so far as to attempt it. So while most of us can understand thinking about suicide, very few of us can actually understand doing it.
I was seeing a therapist a while back – because I’m as messed up as anyone else – and she asked me if I’d ever considered suicide. Sure, I said, I’d thought about it once or twice. But, I said, I’m an atheist. I don’t think that there is anything to look forward to after this life. Why would I ever consider giving up even a second of the one life that I have? It isn’t that life can’t suck. What’s the alternative, though? I may not believe in god but I still believe life is one hell of a gift and I’m not about to give up on it just because I had a shitty week.
So I look at George Reeves – who was freakin’ Superman – and I don’t get it. Even as the film shows me how low his life had sunk, it still doesn’t look too bad to me. Not so bad that death seemed like the best alternative.
I would imagine that is where the conspiracy theories come from. We all figure that if we had a job as awesome as being Superman, there is no way we’d kill ourselves. If we wouldn’t do it, there is no way he would do it. Someone else must have killed him! It’s the only thing that makes any sort of logical sense.
Except that people do things that don’t make any logical sense all the time. If we lived our lives purely based on logic, we’d never make rash decisions. Gambling Casinos would close up because we’d all do the basic math. Most of us would never have kids because we’d come to the logical conclusion that we didn’t have the slightest idea how to raise a child. Logic doesn’t rule our lives.
Yet we want George Reeve’s death to be logical because if Superman can end his life in such an illogical way, we could probably do it too.
And we could. The lesson in George Reeve’s suicide is that any one of us can reach that dark place – no matter how certain we are that we’d never find ourselves there. Reeves himself probably never imagined he’d kill himself.
But one night, against all logic, he did. So long, Superman.
Hey – you *can* punk a liberal!
I totally got punked by this article yesterday. I was surfing through links that looked interesting and given my well documented distaste for Rick Santorum, I couldn’t resist reading about the latest stupid thing he said. For some masochistic reason, I like to get riled up by the stuff he says.
Usually, I can spot a satirical article. Not this time. I totally bought it because, I guess, I really think Santorum is that stupid.
I told my wife about the article as part of the whole “guess what idiotic thing Santorum said today” conversation we have most every evening. She did the natural thing and looked it up. This morning, my wife pointed out to her husband (the comedian) that the article was satire and perhaps I shouldn’t rant about it online because if I did, I’d look like an idiot.
Here is something everyone who knows me needs to understand: for every stupid ass thing I’ve said in public, there are at least five things I never said because my wife stopped me. Why have we been married 22 years? Lots of reasons but primary among them is the simple fact that she frequently compels me to think before I act.
In my feeble defense, let me point out that this article fooled a lot of people. Just read the comment section.
Also in my defense, I would totally buy that Santorum believes the Sun revolves around the Earth. I’m pretty certain some of the people voting for him believe that. He does believe some pretty crazy shit.
No matter my excuse, I completely believed an article that was a clear joke.
I’m often amused by the way a lot of social conservatives assume Onion articles to be true. Look at those idiots, I think, they actually believe this obviously satirical piece! What morons!
I can no longer feel superior to them, though, except in one important way. My spouse is clearly smarter than theirs.
Statistics about Gas Prices (See Also – Damn Lies about Gas Prices)
In reading the news while unable to sleep, I came across this article where Mitt Romney is blaming President Obama for rising gas prices. To be fair, he is saying that Obama should fire some advisors who have given him advice resulting in higher gas prices.
Such a statement is bullshit because no administration can have much of an effect on gas prices and it is simply being used to convince people that they should ignore the fact that Romney is an auton.
It turns out there are, in fact, people who live under a rock
I was reading this article about the release of the poorly named “New iPad” (oh how we miss you Steve Jobs) when I came across the following quote from someone waiting in line in Manhattan:
I bought [an iPad 2] for my husband two weeks ago, and then Apple surprised me by announcing the new one
What?????
How the hell was she surprised that they were about to announce a new iPad? If she bought it two weeks ago, the announcement was less than a week away.
I realize that not everyone has their finger on the pulse of tech trends but if the President had chosen to announce military operations in Syria on the same day they announced the New iPad, it would have come as a shock to most Americans when they finally noticed. Two months later.
Honestly, if I was the source of that quote, I would have given a fake name.
Something that sounds really stupid. Like….”The New iPad.”
Shit that Pissed me off this week – 3/16
The Pope Once Again Proves that the Problems with the Catholic Church Start at the top
The Pope could be an amazing force for good in the world. He could point out that Jesus said those without sin should cast the first stone. He could point out that when it comes to issues of marriage, the bible is a little bit wishy-washy as to what is “traditional.”
He doesn’t, of course, because he is an old man more concerned with antiquated dogma than he is with what is truly right or in the best interests of his church and it’s members. Thing is, whoever replaces him will be another old man more concerned with antiquated dogma than with what is truly right or in the best interests of his church and it’s members.
Limerick for Santorum
My mom is going to a Limerick party this weekend and she asked me if I had any ideas. Since anything I write can’t be an official entry (I’m not going to the party), here’s mine:
There once was a guy named Santorum
Whose views reached the National Forum
He hated the pill
And though gays were ill
We tried but we couldn’t ignore ‘im
Alphabetical Movie – Holiday Inn
I’ve seen Holiday Inn before so the following scene didn’t come as a shock to me but I want you to imagine that you are watching this film for the first time. Maybe this is your first time. That isn’t really important.
So, you are watching this movie for the first time and up to now, you have been watching a pleasant film about Bing Crosby trying to hide his girlfriend from Fred Astaire. I don’t blame him – who wouldn’t pick Fred Astaire over Bing Crosby?
Alphabetical movie – A History of Violence
About sixty minutes into this film, the two main characters have a fight that erupts into rough, angry sex on the stairs. “Angry Sex,” by the way, is not to be confused with “make-up sex.”
Make-up sex takes place when the fight is over and the couple has agreed that is it time to consummate their (at least temporarily) stable relationship with some nookie.
Angry sex, on the other hand, happens when two people are still angry. The fight has not ended but they are overpowered by lust just long enough to bump and grind before they get back to the business of fighting. If the movies are to be believed, angry sex is way better than make-up sex.
I can’t say that I have any first hand knowledge myself. I keep trying to test the hypothesis but every time I get my wife angry enough to explore angry sex, she just looks at my like I’m crazy.
I’m not sure it would even count anyway, since I’m only trying to get her angry so we can try having angry sex and that means I’m not actually angry. I could ask her if it was better afterwards but then I’d probably start another argument because she would be angry that I had gotten her angry just to have angry sex.
Obviously, I would completely spoil the sample if I told her about the plan ahead of time.
Which means I’ve had make-up sex but angry sex continues to elude me.
Science, sadly, offers no solutions. I can find absolutely no research on the difference in pleasure experienced. Biologists I follow regularly talk about fruit flies and ants and squid but they spend no time at all exploring whether these creatures are more satisfied after angry sex.
What are they doing with themselves? Don’t they realize that while they are doing all their research on genes and amino acids and stuff, they are completely failing to research what is actually important.
Meanwhile Maria Bello and Viggo Mortenson are going at it on the stairs while moviegoers watch and wonder if there is something missing from their sex lives.
I suppose that there is a lot of danger to this kind of research. If people discover that angry sex is really better, couples will be in arguments all the time. Is that the kind of society we want? A society filled with people fighting on airplanes and then sneaking off to the lavatory to join the mile high club (and most likely having to wait in a long line)?
The downsides are pretty obvious.
That is where the research can help, though. Suppose it turns out that there is a kind of sex that is better than angry sex or make-up sex. If science finds, for instance, that bear skin rug sex is the best sex, it would be a big problem for bears but not so much for anyone else.
I recognize the risks that these findings would have but it is important to remember that science is the search for what is true. If they find out that angry sex is the best sex, they cannot be held responsible for what the rest of us do with those findings. And if we are upset with them about it, we can just find ourselves a hot biologist and start a fight….
Grail Diary 
