It has been a month but this next bit is going to include Last Jedi SPOILERS! Read not forward, dear friends, lest you learn too much!
The edit is 46 minutes long and pulled from a bad videotape of the movie someone made in the theater. Because when women are given power, it is important to strip away that power as quickly and efficiently as possible.
Now one might think this is a parody. Perhaps, you imagine, some person with a sense of humor saw all these nerdbros bemoaning the fact that Princess Leia rightly criticized Poe Dameron for failing to follow a direct order or that Admiral Holdo wasn’t a dude and thought “I’m going to make an edit that takes out all the girls because that would be hilarious.”
Nope. that’s not what happened. Instead, this shitbag literally believes that Leia was in the wrong when she demoted Poe for getting every Resistance bomber destroyed in an attack that served no purpose. So he edited it out to make Poe look like a hero who didn’t have to learn anything.
And you know why? It isn’t because that was a bad story arc. No – it’s because the person teaching Poe that lesson was a woman.
The edit also removes Rey (of course) because the Jedi are dudes! Just look at them waving around that phallic laser sword all the time! Girls wouldn’t want to do that! They should be in the kitchen pouring blue milk!
What truly annoys me is that this guy might have a girlfriend. Or a wife. Or a daughter. He definitely has a mother.
But who gives a fuck about the women in his life, right? He probably loves them a lot. It’s just the women in his movies that he hates.
It is a new year and late last year, I had trouble putting this column out every week. I’m going to do better this year but I have to tell you, this shit is hard.
It isn’t hard to write but when the White House is such an amazing shit show, things get a little tiring. I could write 1000 words about the asshole in the oval office every single week but I just hate even thinking about the guy.
So for the folks who look forward to my weekly rants, I’m sorry they’ve been so inconsistent. Let’s just start with the dick in the White House, shall we?
Does it bother anyone else that the most mature person in an exchange is Kim Jong Un? I don’t want to speak out for the guy who is the head of a recklessly oppressive regime that seems more interested in developing a nuclear bomb than they do in feeding their own people.
But when he rattled his saber, at least he didn’t do so by referencing his dick size.
Trump pointed out that Un is an oppressive leader by observing he has a “depleted and food starved regime” which, for once, was accurate. Then he proceeded to point out that he had a much larger
dick nuclear button than Un.
I mean, maybe Trump and Un regularly exchange
dick nuclear button pics so he has some knowledge of their comparative size.
Thing is, we need to remember that our President is a sexual predator. He is always thinking about his penis. It is the central obsession of his life.
When he makes a tax proposal, he is thinking about how it will affect his penis. When he appoints a justice to the supreme court, he is thinking about his penis. Making a
dick nuclear button joke on Twitter is one of the most honest things he’s ever done because he is pointing out that when he thinks about nuclear war, he’s thinking about his penis.
He sends unsolicited dick pics to himself. And he likes it.
Three more years (oh please) of this asshole.
I mean, I guess we should applaud Moore, who has a history of not listening when those who wield more power than him (be it the Supreme Court or the people of Alabama) tell him no. He may be stubbornly refusing to concede an election he lost but at least he’s consistent. You have to admire a guy who will always stubbornly marshall on even when he has so clearly lost.
Except you really don’t. The thing to do when you lose an election is to admit you lost the election and move on. Hell, even Hillary Clinton was able to deliver a concession speech and she was beaten by Donald Trump.
Let me tell you something, Roy Moore, the only thing worse than conceding victory to Donald Trump would be conceding victory to…you. Given that, I think you should be able to concede an election to Doug Jones.
You don’t have to wait long. You can run again in 2020. And even though you are a racist, misogynist, child molester, you only lost by 1.5 percentage points. If you can figure out a way to get just a few more white people to the polls, you can deliver one hell of a victory speech.
For now, however, why don’t you try to exhibit some class and concede?
I almost didn’t write a post this week. I mean, I knew this was the big story and I was going to have to talk about it because it pissed me the hell right off.
As many liberals have pointed out, you can’t say that Roy Moore is a pedophile (he is) and Donald Trump is a sexual predator (he is) without also acknowledging that Franken’s behavior (which he has admitted) is also unacceptable.
You can’t be that hypocrite on the left.
If you are on the right, you can totally be that hypocrite (as our hypocrite in chief quickly displayed). On the left, we accept that if we are going to go after right wing predators (like our President), we can’t just ignore when our heroes do the same shit.
So fuck Al Franken for doing what he did. Fuck him for being the same as so many other guys out there.
And I’m not saying this because I think he’s a bad guy. I’m not saying this because I don’t think he respects women. I’m saying this because I think he is a good person and he does respect women.
But like so many other men, he didn’t understand what that really meant.
It should be no surprise that Twitter is where people go to be insufferable assholes. I mean, our President has made it his career (because he clearly doesn’t enjoy being President).
This week, off-year elections went pretty well for the non ruling party. I mean we are looking mostly at city council races, mayoral races, and a few governor races but still, the Republicans didn’t do great.
One could argue that happens when the highest ranking member of your party is an incompetent, bigoted sexual predator but perhaps that’s just me.
In Minnesota, Representative Mary Franson was a bit disappointed by the fact four transgender candidates won elections this year so she took to Twitter. Because that’s what you do when you want to make sure as many people as possible know you’re a transphobic jackass.
She tweeted “A guy who thinks he’s a girl is still a guy with a mental health condition.”
Which was her way of saying “fuck these transgender candidates, I’m going to publicly call them crazy.”
She didn’t call them “crazy,” of course. She used the more acceptable term “mental health condition.” Which I suppose I should applaud.
But everyone knew she meant crazy. And in an environment where the conservative talking points around gun violence are always about mental health, there is a veiled implication these people are one step away from shooting up a school.
Would she have made the same tweet if even one of these candidates was a Republican?
My guess is yes. Because she’s an awful person and if she wasn’t a Republican state representative in a heavily conservative district, she’d probably be out of a job in the next election cycle. But she is. So we’re stuck with her until she decides to quit.
Our President (who is a sexual predator) was taking part in a photo-op with children of members of the press. Basically, he was just supposed to be nice to the kids and give them some candy. If this was any other President, it wouldn’t be a problem.
But this is Trump and the parents were members of the Press. And that means there was no way he could get through a stupid photo-op without taking a stab at the them. Even if the they represented parents of the kids in the photo-op.
In addition to fat shaming kids by saying it was OK for them to eat candy because they didn’t seem to have a weight problem, he made sure he reminded the press how unfair they had been to him. I will remind you this was in front of their kids.
He told the press they did a good job with their kids. Which was nice, I guess. Then he pointed out they hadn’t done such a good job with him. Because if he was going to give their kids a Kit-Kat, he needed to point out how nice he was to do so given that their parents really hated him personally.
Trump does and says horrible things constantly. He’s a petulant six-year-old. But it is moments like this – moments where almost nobody is looking – that you can see his true personality in all of its grotesque glory.
He takes a photo opportunity and can’t resist making part of it about how awful everyone treats him. He’s a billionaire and the fucking President but he can’t stop being angry at the fact not everyone loves him.
This is what our President (who is also a sexual predator) does with everything. He makes it about him. He makes the suffering of the Puerto Rican people all about him. He makes the death of American Soldiers all about him.
And he lies about it.
So when asked if he’d contacted the families of Green Berets killed in Niger, he talked about how difficult it was to make those kinds of phone calls. He talked about how hard it was to write letters to the families.
And I’m sure it is.
But who gives a shit? He didn’t lose a son or a daughter or husband or wife. He just has to talk to the person who did.
He also made clear that other Presidents (like Obama) didn’t write letters and/or make phone calls. Because he wanted to look better than them. Specifically Obama. He wants everyone to know that he is better than Obama in literally every conceivable way.
Except it was bullshit. He had no idea what other Presidents had or hadn’t done. And when he was called on it, he said, basically, “well, that’s what I heard.”
So it wasn’t his fault. Somebody told him that.
Nobody fucking told him that. He just wanted to make himself sound better than anyone else who has ever been President. Except Andrew Jackson. And that should tell you a lot.
Also, when he finally called the family members, he fucked that up too.
Also, and this is important, our President is a sexual predator.